Page 72 of Geordie

Lily continues to unpack the bag, thoughtfully placing each item on the table, like a wife setting out a meal for her husband. She stops for a moment to think. “Once I decided to have a baby alone, I saw myself as a single mother raising her child; it will be good to have support.”

Whatever happens between us, the child will bond us forever. I should wrap my arms around her and make a vow that I’ll always be there for her and the child, but I don’t. I put my grand gesture aside and continue to draw the cork from the bottle and say nothing. We should have become closer, even lovers after the night Lily spent in my bed, but I did what I promised to do: hold her and lend her my strength.

She’s always kept me at arm’s length, even with my flirting. Lily will banter with me, but only to a point. I’m concerned she hasn’t let go of her ex-boyfriend. It’s plain that she’s been guarding her heart. That will change when we’re trying to have a child.

We settle back into our old dinner routine where we talk about our day. I’m looking forward to resuming this ritual when she’s living with me again; it’s been lonely without her.

At the end of the meal, I top off our glasses with the last of the wine. The light from the lamp casts a shadow on her contented face. We’ve left the serious talking to the end. “You mentioned conditions?” I ask, as she tips the glass to her lips.

After a wee sip, she places her glass on the table, then recedes into the folds of my coat. “I want this to be only a co-parenting relationship.”

That seems reasonable; we’re not discussing marriage. “Aye, that’s what we’re here to talk about, but what are your conditions?”

“We both have busy lives; our work is important. We should continue to keep separate residences.”

“Do you mean after the baby is born?”

“No, from the beginning and I want to be inseminated.”

Lily has moved deeper into my coat, like she’s trying to disappear. She doesn’t want me to touch her? Am I that repulsive that she’ll take my sperm, but not my body?

“I’m not talking in vitro, although we can consider that later if necessary. I’ve been reading about couples who can’t afford the expense. It’s this grassroots movement of doing it at home, having the donor nearby when it’s time.”

“Lass, I can afford a proper insemination by a doctor. We don’t have to resort to homemade methods using a turkey baster.”

“That’s actually the name of this method.” She sits up, a teasing light in her eyes. She reaches for my arm, but I tense under her touch. “Don’t worry, Geordie, we’re not going to the grocery store for a real turkey baster. “They have insemination kits for collection, a syringe, and other items to help you do this at home.”

I throw up my hands. “Do I have no say? Will I be allowed to see the child?”

“Don’t be silly. You can see the baby as much as you like. It’s fair that I share the cost, but Harv and I have hired a restaurant consultant that’s taken a large chunk of my cash. I don’t have unlimited funds like you do.”

“I can structure it as a loan, if you want to pay half. Would that work?”

She tilts her head, considering, then reaches for her glass. “No, taking a loan is a slippery slope and, besides, I want to try this home insemination. I think it will bring us closer as a family.”

“Lily, live with me, at least until the baby is born. I want to experience your pregnancy with you and be here if you need me.”

“First off, if I said yes to living together, why should I live with you?”

“I have a bigger place. You said you live in a one-bedroom apartment.”

She doesn’t answer, choosing to recede into the folds of my jacket again, probably to put distance between me and my objections.

“I’m not anonymous, Lily. Our situation is different.”

“Yes, this is different, but I don’t want this complicated by sex. It will be enough trying to have a baby and raising the child. Geordie, you said you wanted to discuss co-parenting, and that’s what we’re doing. It’s your turn. Tell me how you envision this process happening.”

I want to take her hand to make my point, convince her there’s another way, but the discussion has turned into a minefield. I take a breath to calm the frustration that threatens to cloud my judgement and choose my words carefully. “I thought we’d conceive the baby naturally. If the child isn’t conceived in love, at least it would be from mutual respect.” She shifts, her reaction a wide-eyed silence.

I move on to my next point, taking a softer tone. “Our lives will change; we can’t pretend otherwise. If we agree to this, you and the child will always be my first priority; it would be easier if you were close.”

“It looks like we both have a lot to think about,” she says, turning her gaze to the sparkling city.

I pull the discarded bag from the ground to pack what remains of our dinner. “It’s too late for you to drive home and you’ve had too much to drink. Stay the night. Your room is ready or, if you prefer, you can sleep with me.”

Lochlan stops to examine a vine, then glances down the long row. “Everything is as if I’d never left. You’re a better administrator than I thought. I was sure I’d have to fly back here every other week to put out fires. You’ve made me feel like an outsider when I come back.”

Walking the vineyard in the early morning was our ritual before Kenzie. It’s been a pleasant reunion with my cousin, but today is another goodbye. He’s off early tomorrow morning for a few months with Kenzie to pursue her dreams of volleyball glory.

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