Page 49 of Geordie

If he had been in my office a month ago, he would've seen three pictures of us taken on our Barbados trip, and a small hand sketch of a penguin he gave me from Port Lockroy in Antarctica, on one of our adventure vacations. There were so many penguins, he actually dubbed Port Lockroy as Port Penguin. When he gave me that sketch, he claimed it was the mayor of Port Penguin.

He often talked about coming to the restaurant to see where I worked, but he never found the time to come.

“If you wanted to make a reservation at Dalliance, why didn't you just call me?”

He picks up a small art piece from my shelf, runs his finger over the rim. “Because I was afraid you wouldn't let me come.” He places the bowl back on the shelf. “The restaurant is beautiful, by the way.” He glances at me and my heart clenches. It hurts to miss someone this much. I look away at something on my desk.

“Thank you. Harv and I have worked hard.”

“You know, I've always wanted to visit the restaurant, but I'm here to see you. Can we go somewhere to talk?”

I focus on the door; muted kitchen sounds reach us in here. “I just can't leave the restaurant; we have one more hour of dinner service left.”

“Then I guess I'll have to talk here. I've gone by your apartment a few times, but you weren't there.”

“I've been staying with an old friend; someone you don't know,” I add quickly.

He nods, accepting the explanation, although I know it's bothering him not to get details.

“I've been thinking about our discussion the night of my homecoming. It's been difficult for me. I can't put what we had behind me and move on.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, not looking at me. “Maybe what you accused me of is true.”

So, he's trying for a do-over, here to negotiate, maybe offer something outrageous for me to come back. “This isn't as simple as you ignoring me because you were working too much. This is about who we are. I want a family and you don't.”

“As I said, I thought about what we discussed. I don't want you out of my life. I'm here to tell you I want us to start a family.”

My heart lurches, then freefalls to my stomach. I grip the side of the desk to support my weight. Is this a ploy? “Stephen, I didn't leave to force you to have a child with me. I left because we don't want the same life.”

He moves forward, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I want a life with you and if it means having children, then I'll do that.”

I didn't notice the bags around his eyes. He looks a little thinner, not as happy as he once was. “I know you're doing this for me. I can't help but wonder, if we have a child, will you resent it, and not give our child the love that it deserves?”

He moves his hands down my arms, his familiar touch making me want to melt into him. “If it's our child, I'll love him or her, I swear.”

I can't resist the pull to be in his arms. I rest my cheek on his chest, breathe in his warm scent, listen to the pounding of his heart.

“Lily, can we try again?”

My voice is muffled as I speak into his jacket. “I don't know; I need to give it thought.” I hoped he would agree, but I never thought it would happen. In the short time we've been apart, a lot has happened. There are things to consider. My promise to Geordie, for one.

He cradles my face, the love in his eyes shining and me aching to be with him. “I suggest we get married and work on having a baby; I've thought of nothing else. But there's one more thing I have to tell you. It's about my condition.”

A stab of pain goes through me and I’m wondering if he's battling something serious. It must be if he has to tell me. I put my hand on his chest, looking up. Is he in pain or worse? Is he dying? Suddenly I'm weak thinking about it. I don't know what I'd do if I missed all this time with him. “This is something that you learned recently?”

He holds me closer. I resume my position with my cheek against his chest. He brushes his lips across my hair. “No love, it's something I should've told you about years ago. It happened just before I met you. When I had decided that I didn't want a family. I had a vasectomy.”

My gaze shoots up. There’s uncertainty in his eyes as he gauges my reaction. “All those condoms we used when we were first dating, me on birth control after we committed ourselves to each other, and you knew there was no way I could become pregnant?”

His hands fall to his sides, head bowed slightly like a penitent. “I didn't know we would become serious. In the beginning, it was a fun, breezy relationship that I didn't think would last. When we continued to see each other, there was no good time to tell you. I was trapped in a lie. Then you hinted you wanted children. By then, it was too late to tell you what I'd done.”

I step away from him, needing space, but there's nowhere to go in this small room. “You've been lying by omission all this time. You want to have a baby now, when you can't?”

He holds up his hands as if to shield himself from any more verbal blows. “That's why I'm here. I know I haven't been honest in the past. But I can't live without you. I'll reverse the vasectomy, then we can try to have a child.”

“That could take years!” I say, shifting further away from him.

“It only takes a few months, then we can start.”

“And what if it doesn't work? What if your little operation doesn't result in a child? I've wasted more time.”

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