Page 108 of Lochlan

Kenzie plucks at the corner of a pillow that sits on her lap. “I’m nervous because I want to ask about Fiona, but I’m afraid to hear the answer. I purposely didn’t follow MacTavish Distilleries online or ask Geordie. He’s loyal and didn’t offer any information about you or the company.”

“I wasn’t aware you were still in contact with Geordie; he never said.”

She chuckles, staring at the pillow she’s tormenting. “I guess he’s the perfect friend to keep secrets.”

“Aye, he’s kept enough; too many, in fact.” I’m looking at her expectant face, unsure how she’ll receive my news. I’ve worked on the assumption that she would understand and it will be enough for us to be together. “Fiona is still in my life, but she’s not a threat to us.”

Her lips form a grim line as hope leaves her eyes. “You’re saying the gamble you thought would set you free has failed and now you’re making the best of a bad situation?”

“The elaborate revenge plot I envisioned all these years didn’t happen, but I can live with the current outcome.”

She shakes her head as if she’s tired of this old conversation. “Are you going to ask me to ignore Fiona or, worse, share you with her? You shouldn’t have bothered trying to convince me with dinner on a fancy boat. You already knew I would say no, but I guess you needed to hear it in person.”

I try to capture her hand, but she pulls away. The rebuff stings that she doesn’t want me to touch her. I’ll not be discouraged. I know I can turn this around given enough time. “There’s no need; it won’t come to that. This isn’t public knowledge, but Fiona has accepted the position as CEO of MacTavish Distilleries. They’ll announce her appointment in a few weeks, and Harris has stepped down as part of the executive team to manage sales and marketing.”

Her mouth gapes slightly, as if this turn of events is something she never would have imagined. “How is it possible for Fiona to become the CEO from essentially an intern position?”

I ignore the obvious dig because it’s not important. “Fiona and I staged a coup of sorts. Granda offered the CEO position to me. I declined and suggested Fiona take over the role. If I didn’t take it, she was the logical choice. It was a tough sell, but in the end Granda had to agree. His other option was to sell the company and retain some interest.”

She drains her glass, then stretches out a hand to the ice bucket. I grab the bottle ahead of her and pour her a drink. She leans on the pillow in her lap and savors her champagne before she responds. “When Fiona becomes CEO, she’ll have control over the California interest and you. This can’t be the revenge you plotted.”

I’ve never spoken my plan to anyone, and voicing it to Kenzie seems like a therapy. I replace the bottle after I top off my drink. “All these years, I’ve tried to work out how to best use the information I have to inflict the most damage. I decided to anonymously drip the story and photos to the tabloids over time and watch them splash their treachery all over the news for weeks. It would be sweet revenge to watch them try to salvage their ruined reputations. I thought at first that the leaked information to the press could negatively impact the business, but MacTavish is an old, respected company and this scandal would only enhance the family lore. My plan was to contact the tabloids when Harris assumed the CEO position, but that never happened. There was no way to find out why. I thought Granda had a difficult time handing over the reins of the company until he told me after his visit that Harris was not suitable to lead MacTavish.”

I sit forward, cradling my drink, watching the light fade. “This was better. I’ll be left alone to manage the California interest. If she tries to interfere, I’ll tell Granda about her disloyalty and he can still have her removed. Granda stopped my brother’s CEO-in-training as a VP on the executive team. He’s a low-level manager with no say on how the company is run. He’s left to the whims of Fiona, who still hasn’t forgiven him for manipulating her. She’ll make him pay for his actions, but it doesn’t matter what hell she’ll devise for Harris, I still have the power to blow up their lives if I have a mind to.”

Like a priest, Kenzie listens without emotion, then gazes out to sea, as if she’s retreating to a place where I can’t reach her. “And you’re happy about this turn of events?”

“Everything I’ve done is worth the cost, if it brings you to me.” This truth doesn’t warrant a comment from her. Frustration roils in my gut. I push down the annoyance to avoid the old me handling this conversation with cold detachment. There’s got to be something I can say for her to understand. “Do you remember I promised I would come for you, once I—”

She sweeps the pillow aside with an irritated hand. “Fiona is only a part of the equation. The last night we were together, you told me you viciously attacked your brother—"

I interrupt her, desperate for her to hear me. “I finished telling you what happened that night, but I didn’t have time to explain my actions.”

She tilts her chin up, giving me silent permission to continue. It feels like I’m giving a summation to a jury of one.

“I was drunk the night Harris found me in the back room of a pub.” My hand lifts to stop the response before her lips form a question. As difficult as it is to talk about my brother, she needs to know everything, and it will be hard going over this again.

“There were years of pent-up anger towards my brother that exploded into a confrontation. I know it isn’t an excuse to justify my actions. I don’t know if you can imagine someone who wishes that you never existed and hates you because you’re alive. My brother is a systematic abuser who targeted me for his special kind of sadistic pleasures for years. When I saw him with Fiona in the cathedral, there was rage, even hatred, but I didn’t want to physically destroy them. When Harris gleefully announced Fiona was carrying his child, I had nothing left.

“The night of the employee appreciation picnic when you and Geordie left us to talk in my room, I finally told Fiona why I called off our wedding. It was an ugly confrontation of her betrayal, but I also asked her if she had been pregnant with Harris’ child. She didn’t hesitate to deny the rumor and said he had lied.

“The two of them have used me for their own gains. If there was or wasn’t a child, it doesn’t matter. I told you I’m trying to find regret for what I did to Harris. I can’t be the bigger person; it’s too much to forgive. Although I was in a half-mad drunken rage, even now I’m not sorry for my actions. It’s a dark truth about me you’ll need to understand, no matter what happens next.”

She looks out to sea as crystal amethyst blends with flamingo pink on the Cancun horizon. She doesn’t speak for long moments as the water laps against the boat.

“I met Geordie for coffee a few days after you and I talked at Logan’s house. I asked him about the night you attacked your brother,” she says, still looking at the sky. “He didn’t start with what happened that night, but told me how much of a gentle, trusting soul you were, despite the bullying and your granda not protecting you from Harris. What you suffered at the hands of your brother was real. That growing up without your mother affected you and it didn’t help that there were no mother figures for you to cling to.”

I’m pained by the assessment of my growing up at the residence. Geordie and I were too busy trying not to be noticed by the adults to avoid an unnecessary confrontation that might cause discipline or a correction of my character. It was my cousin who got me through the darkest of times and he still supports me. This being vulnerable to revealed secrets is tougher than I realize, but I wait for her to finish.

“Geordie said when Fiona came into your life, you were blind to her faults. You made excuses for her bad behavior because you thought you loved her and couldn’t suffer another loss. He had to decide to accept her or lose you, so he kept his opinions to himself and supported you.”

She turns to me, the wind obscuring some of her face until she slips a lock behind her ear. I can’t tell if she understands or if this is a list of why we can’t be together.

“Geordie doesn’t know about Fiona’s betrayal in the cathedral. He still doesn’t understand why you called off the wedding. I said nothing to him. I know it’s your story to tell. Maybe you’ll tell him the truth one day. He loves you; he should know what happened.”

The sun sinks into the ocean until it appears to have dropped behind the sea. Twilight creeps away as we inch into darkness.

“Let’s commit to a proper relationship,” I say, willing her to agree. “I know you have dreams you’re pursuing and I’ll support you.”

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