Page 40 of Fall

He dismisses my comment with a wave of his hand, gesturing for me to take a seat while he pulls out his handkerchief to wipe his glasses. I’ve spent enough time with him to know that this is how he deals with nervousness, and that makes me uneasy. What’s he nervous about?

Once he’s done with his glasses, his chest deflates, and his shoulders fall slightly forward as he closes the file that’s sitting on top of his desk. He takes an exaggerated long breath before speaking.

“Ms. Hawton... Evelyn, you’ve put me in a very difficult position, and I’m unsure if I can allow you to continue attending Stratham University,” he says almost in a rush.

What the fuck? My jaw drops at the shock of his words.

“Excuse me? What the hell did I do now?” My voice is on the edge of cracking.

His eyes are drawn in with such sadness when he looks at me that it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. What fucking twilight zone did I walk into today?

“Evelyn. I just had a student come into my office not less than twenty minutes ago, informing me that you’ve been sleeping with a professor in exchange for an elevated grade in his class.”

I push up from my chair, letting the legs drag against the freshly waxed wood floor.

“I have never, nor would I ever, do that. I don’t need to sleep with professors for grades. You, of all people, should know that.”

My breathing shallows. I hate that I’m pleading, but I can’t let him take this away from me. I deserve to be here just as much as anyone else. Certainly more than the assholes who get to be here without stipulations and extra fucking hoops to go through. Besides the fact that I haven’t done anything wrong to get kicked out.

Dr. Weaver nods his head and motions for me to sit back down.

“You misunderstand. Even if it weren’t true, perception at Stratham is very important, and I’m afraid that your presence is quite disruptive to the rest of the student body.”

My stomach drops the way it would while riding a rollercoaster at the beginning of a fall. This isn’t happening.

Fuck you, universe.

I can’t seem to find my words before he continues.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware that there’s a particular video that’s been shared amongst the students that reflects you in poor taste. And then there’s the fact that you were involved in the shooting of another student.”

The earth falls away. My eyes dance to different spots in the room in rapid succession as my mind tries to find the right path forward. It’s easy to argue fact from fiction, but how the hell do I argue perception? So I opt for truth.

“I didn’t shoot him, Dr. Weaver. That had nothing to do with me. In fact, that was Coach Metson. You know, the person you employ,” I sneer and continue. “You have to know that I didn’t put up that video. And I sure as hell didn’t sleep with a professor. Please… I didn’t do anything.” My last words fall softly.

He walks over to where I’m sitting, placing his hand on top of mine, but I immediately snatch it away, causing him to look wounded.

“Accusing faculty isn’t going to help you. Maybe it’s for the best. I should have never granted your approval letter. I hope that you can forgive me, but after your second essay submission, I just had to know.”

I look up, my eyes moving to his. “Know what?”

He shakes his head, pats my shoulder, and walks back to the chair behind his desk. “Nothing.”

Silence fills the room as we both stare at each other, and my anger begins to rise the louder the silence gets. I close my eyes and start counting in my head, pushing the desperation I was feeling down into the crevasses of my psyche to let my anger take the reins. Anger, I’m familiar with.

Evelyn Marie Hawton doesn’t beg.

Once I’m sure that my walls are built back up, I open my eyes and speak.

“So that’s it then? Strip me of everything I’ve worked for, everything I’ve overcome, because my mere presence disrupts the precious elite student body?”

My eyes blur with angry tears, but I don’t let them fall. Seeing my sister dead on the bathroom floor was the last time I cried—I’m certainly not going to let these pricks break me.

“What would you have me do? Here, the elite play by a different set of rules. Had I known they were going to take such an interest in you…” He looks away, but I can see the guilt all over his face. “There’s only so much that I can do.”

“How about the right thing?” I reply, grab my backpack, and walk out of his office.

I’m done having unwinnable discussions today.

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