Page 55 of Slow Kind of Love

“What did he do?” Heather asked, sitting up, a sharp edge to her words. “I’ll break his balls if you want me to. I’ve had some practice in that department lately.”

“He asked me to marry him.”

“Oh my God.” The shock on Heather’s face was priceless.

“Actually, he didn’t quite get the words out properly, because I didn’t give him a chance.” Elise tried to smile, but it was a lame attempt that went nowhere. “I told him we were done. That we were over. I broke his heart, and mine cracked wide open right along with his.”

“But why?” Heather was confused and made no effort to hide it. “You love him, Elle. And he loves you. Why in hell would you give that up?”

“It’s complicated.”

“No. God, if I had a dime for every time someone said”—and she finger quoted—“‘it’s complicated,’ I’d be the richest lady in Crystal Lake. Complicated is when your vibrator runs out of batteries and you don’t know which is the negative or positive on the batteries. Complicated is when a gal rewires a new light fixture because her husband is yet again working late, and you do it wrong and shock yourself…twice. Or when a heart surgeon cuts a person open and has to decide whether to save the kidney or not.”

“Kidney?”

“Huh?”

“You said heart surgeon.”

“Don’t try to distract me.” Heather shrugged. “Those are complicated things. This? You and Link aren’t complicated. Your situation is very cut-and-dried, and you need to tell me why you did what you did so I can try to understand why you’d throw away the kind of happiness that comes around once in a lifetime.”

How to make her best friend understand?

“Wait.” Heather got up from the sofa. “Hold that thought.” She grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and two glasses, along with a big bag of potato chips and dip. She set the food down on the table and poured them each a glass. “It’s happy hour somewhere,” she said, handing Elise her wine. Then she sat back on the sofa and helped herself to a large handful of chips. “I’m ready.”

“Have you ever thought about what your life would be like if you had no kids?”

“Every damn day,” Heather retorted.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.” Heather swallowed a mouthful. “I’d have a hell of a lot more money in the bank, that’s for sure. Maybe a new Mercedes or BMW in the driveway. I’d be tanned all the time on account of all those vacations I’d take to the Maldives, and Reg would never have had to hire Vicky Sims because we’d have so much damn money.”

Instantly concerned, Elise had to ask. “Are you and Reg okay? I mean, you guys seemed good to me.”

“We’re not talking about me and Reg.” A ghost of a smile lit up her face. “But we’re okay. I think.” She frowned. “Why are we talking about kids anyway? They’re messy and whiny. It’s like Groundhog Day in my house, I swear. I tell them every single morning where the dishwasher is, where the laundry hamper is, where the damn garbage container is located. And twenty-four hours later, it starts again.” She reached for her wineglass. “Sorry for the rant. Where were we?”

“They’re a pain in the ass, no doubt about it, but you can’t honestly say you regret having children.”

“Of course not. As much as they irritate and annoy me, I love them to pieces, in spite of the stretch marks and droopy breasts. But what’s that got to do with—” Her eyes widened. “Oh.”

Elise drew a picture in the condensation on her wineglass as she composed her thoughts. “He wants kids,” she said quietly. “It wasn’t something that was on my radar, which, now that I think about it, was stupid.”

“You were too busy falling in love.”

She nodded. “It doesn’t change the fact that he wants children.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“I heard him talking to one of the dads at his soccer clinic. He said he hoped to have a whole pack of them one day soon.”

At first, Heather said nothing, but then she leaned close and gave Elise a hug. “You should still talk to him about it. I mean, what was the reason for turning him down?”

Elise’s voice cracked. “I didn’t give him one. I told him we were done, and I called you.”

“Oh, Elle, that’s rough and so not fair to Link.”

“I panicked. I saw the ring, and I panicked.” Her eyes watered as she stared at her friend. “It was wrong to leave like that. Disrespectful and wrong. I had this whole speech prepared about how we could be friends, and that he meant a lot to me. Then last night, something changed, and I thought that maybe we could just stay the way we are until we couldn’t stay that way anymore. But then the ring…and I panicked and…” She needed Heather to understand.

Hell, she needed herself to understand.

“It’s because I love him so much, I need to stay away. I want him to have the world. To have a family. A child of his own. A whole pack of them.” She smiled sadly. “I know if I told him this, he’d shove it aside and say that he loves me and that we’d be fine without children. Or maybe he’d say that we could adopt.” She reached for another tissue. “I’m forty-six, and adoption is a process that can take years. And even if I was up for the wait, I wouldn’t consider it because the thing is, I don’t want to raise a child. Not now. Not at my age. I thought a lot about that yesterday. I had Boone so young, and then I lived under Ben’s thumb for most of my life. I’m healthy. I’m able-minded, and I want to travel. I want to do things like hike in Tibet or snorkel in Belize…eat a meal of pasta and red wine in some village in Italy. I want to do those things while I can. A child is a lifetime commitment, and I’ve already lived half of mine.”

She sniffled and swiped at her nose. “Link would give up everything for me. I know he would because he’s selfless.” She tried not to cry, but wasn’t successful. “This is me giving up the one thing I want most in this world. This is me doing the most selfless thing I’ve ever done.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.

“It’s also the hardest.”

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