Page 100 of Hot and Bothered

“Is there a chance you could get pregnant?”

The words, said with a flat indifference, pinned her back. She shouldn’t have been surprised. It was a reasonable question to ask but usually…hell, she didn’t know what usually happened in these situations.

“I’m on the pill.” After what happened with Simon, she treated it with the respect it deserved. Alarms, post-it notes, you name it, she did it to make sure she didn’t repeat that mistake.

He stopped what he was doing and looked up with frost in his eyes. “Weren’t you on the pill before?”

“Yes, but I’m more careful now.”

“I hope so.”

She bolted upright, pulling her skirt down as she went.

“Don’t do this.”

I’m sorry,he had said right before he exploded inside her. Was he already planning his exit strategy while he made love to her?

“Jules,” he said patiently, like he was about to explain something difficult. “What just happened was a moment of craziness. This whole thing between us has been one long series of crazy moments. Now it’s over.”

“Yes, the friends with benefits thing is over, Tad, but we’re not. This is real and we’re just beginning.” She rubbed the back of his neck, easing away the knots of stress. “I know you’re hurting now but my heart is strong enough to beat for two until yours can beat again. I’ve already gone through a lot of pain with Jack, Simon, how stupid I feel. I gave birth, for Christ’s sake. If I can bring a life into this world, I can bring you back into it as well. Let me help you.”

The look he gave her was cutting. “You can’t help me. Jesus, I told you not to get attached. I told you I couldn’t follow through and give you what you needed.”

Feeling gangly and weakened, she stood and balled her fists at her side. The temptation to clip him around the ear was so strong she almost collapsed under the weight of it. Instead, she took a step away—for his safety and her sanity.

“No, you didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t what?”

“No, you didn’t tell me not to get attached. In fact, I distinctly remember tellingyounot to fall in love withme.” She fanned her hips with both hands and dug one of her flip-flops into the carpet. The other one had gone AWOL during the pounding she just got on the sofa. “And now you have fallen in love with me, you poor sod, so you’re going to have to man up and deal with it.”

He stared up at her through bloodshot eyes filled with disbelief. “That’s … crazy.”

“Tell me you don’t love me.”

He settled back on the sofa in an indolent pose, his body straining for the lie. “You know I love you, Jules. It’s impossible not to love you. I just don’t have it in me to love you the way you need.”

She made a very unladylike noise. “Now you’re just splitting hairs.”

“We’re not doing this, Jules. You can’t nag or logic me into giving you what you want. We made this clear weeks ago. You’re going to find some stand-up guy to keep you safe and secure and I’ll do whatever I need to keep on rolling.”

“So those chicks you banged during your previous benders? Are you trying to tell me that’s what happened here? That I’m just the comfort lay to get you through the tough times?”

He picked up her wayward flip-flop and tossed it to her. She caught it reflexively.

“If the shoe fits,” he said.

She could hear the stress in those casual words, the lack of conviction in their casual cruelty. After the pain of Simon she knew she had it in her to be one half—one third, if she counted Evan—of a soul-deep love, but everyone had to play their part. She could carry him for a while through his hurt but she needed a sign that he wanted this as much as she did.

“I thought I wanted safe and secure, so I could avoid the heartache of falling too deeply, but it happened anyway. With you. I know what that feels like. I feel that with you— ”

“Jules, honey.” More soothe-the-crazy-woman.

She threw her flip-flop at his head. It glanced off the side of his cheek, drawing his shocked expression.

“Jules!”

“Shut. Up. I feel that with you and I know I have it in me to feel it again with someone else. I have a lot of love to give. It’s inside me, ready and ripe for the right person. The person who can handle it. You will never meet another woman who understands you like I do, Tad DeLuca. I am the best bloody thing to happen to you but I’m not going to beg.”

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