Page 13 of Merry Christmas From Daddy to Little One

He didn’t bother taking his coat off. He did it in our foyer, the door barely closed behind him. I pushed to the tips of my toes to give him a kiss, wrapped my arms around his neck, and he turned his head to the side. He grabbed my forearms gently and pulled them away from him.

What’s wrong?The panic in my voice was already clear.

We need to talk.

But there was no need to talk. It was short, told in a pragmatic way like Chris does when he separates his emotions from the situation.

Ella, I wish I’d been smarter and not let my feelings take over my brain, but this thing we’ve got going on…you were right. It can’t last.

Don’t.Every single day of my life I regret the reaction I had that night.

I should have been strong and pretended it didn’t affect me. Maybe it’s because I thought if I showed him my true feelings he wouldn’t leave. If I told him how much he was hurting me he would stop. Maybe I really couldn’t control my desperation.

You’re saying this because of Luke, but I can talk to him. Or we can keep it a secret. I don’t care. Please, just don’t end this. I need you, Chris. I’m in love with you…please.

I tried to grab his hand, but he pulled it away, making sure not to give me any hope.

Is it someone else? Are you doing the same thing they all do in your little group? Just fuck the girl and leave?

You know that’s not it. I respect you too much to ever do that to you. My friendship with your brother means everything to me. I can’t keep doing this to him. Going behind his back? He loves you, Ella. He loves you with everything he has. I’ve been…a horrible person. I’ve been taking advantage of you. I’m so sorry.

You’re not taking advantage of me. I’m my own person, I know what I’m doing!

You’re young. This is…wrong. I’m off to college in a few months. We don’t want to hurt each other. This needs to end.

You’re hurting me right now.

And you’ll thank me later for it. I’m really not looking forward to seeing you find the true love of your life, Sweets. But I know it’s not me, and the smartest, fairest thing to do is to let you go.

He didn’t hold me when I cried. He didn’t say he loved me back when I told him how my heart belonged to him and that hewasthe love of my life.

And he left when I begged him to stay.

Chris chose his friendship with Luke over his love for me. One was stronger than the other, and I didn’t win.

The pain and helplessness of watching him graduate and leave Stoneview to move on with his life while I was forced to stay here and finish high school is probably the worst feeling I have ever felt. My heart broke in a way I don’t think I will ever be able to fix.

It’s been over for years and I know I’m still not over it. I haven’t had another boyfriend, and all the sleeping around I’ve done never helped. Not that I’m going to stop anytime soon.

Sometimes, we see each other at Stoneview gatherings. All the families here are close, and I was bound to bump into him at some point, especially since his friendship with Luke never took a hit. As the sweet, perfect man everyone thinks he is, he’s always polite with me, kind. He never mentions our past, always offers me a smile. I hate small talk with him, and I prefer running away from him than facing him.

But the worst are the calls. Because Chris Murray is just a man. A fucking stupid man who can’t stand his ex might one day move on from him. So, every now and then, when he gets too drunk to control himself, he calls me.

And he tells me all about his pain as if I don’t have mine to deal with. He tells me that his biggest regret in life is letting me go. That he’s a coward for not talking to Luke. Then he begs me with all he has to not find someone else. Because no one will love me the way he does.

Fucking. Bastard.

Those calls never stopped him from finding a girlfriend the first year he started at Harvard. A trust-fund baby who would fit so well with the Stoneview bitches. Someone who couldn’t be more different from me. Mainly, someone who isn’t his best friend’s younger sister.

My heart jumps in my throat when my phone rings on my bedside table. My hands are shaking when I pick it up, my first thought going to Chris.

I chuckle to myself when I see my best friend’s name on the screen.

“Hey, Peach.”

“Parents have gone to bed, Santa is about to go around town…I think it’s time for drinks, don’t you?”

I smile into the phone. “What’s with everyone wanting to have drinks on Christmas Eve? Places are closed. Go to bed and wait for your presents in the morning.”

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