Page 28 of A Mafia Christmas

“It’s our family.” Alastair shook his head. “Don’t get mad at them. I deserve every bit of pain I get.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I hurt you so much,” he said, and then his voice broke. “I can’t believe the things that came out of my mouth. I was insane after you left.”

Beth nodded. “Yes. You did hurt me. Can you tell me why?”

Alastair wiped his hand down his face. “Fuck, that’s the problem. I’m not sure. All I could see in my head was my mother bleeding out, but then it was your face I saw and not hers. Another thought was I’ve never been a patient person.”

“You were with me.”

Alastair turned his back to her for a moment.

She felt his pain as much as she did her own, and she wanted to reach out to him.

“I know I’m not going to say this right, but I don’t know how to explain it. In my mind, I’m frightened of the possibility you’ll leave me.”

“I would never have done that,” she said.

“You touched a part of me that no one could ever get close to. Only you can, so my emotions for you seem to grow faster and out of control easily. You can handle the depth of our feelings for each other better than me.”

“Why did you throw me away?” she asked, making him flinch.

“I was acting out. It hurt so much that you’d choose someone over me.”

“But I didn’t.”

“I know that now. No one could reason with me the first few weeks. I was close to shooting people because my fury was so big that I made everyone stay away from me,” he said.

“I’m glad you didn’t kill anyone.”

“You know, the thought that popped into my head was you telling me I couldn’t do that and you’d be ashamed of me. I would hate that.”

“When you settled a bit, why were you still willing to leave me?” She thought it had been the hardest thing that he was able to throw her away.

Chapter Twelve

He shook his head. “Fuck, no. I was trying to find a way to fix what I had done. Then I got those letters, and I lost it again. I wanted to lash out at the one person in my life I needed more than breathing. You have the potential to hurt me more than anyone. You’re the only person I let past the wall I’ve had around me all my life.”

“I love you so much. You were my whole world and still are,” Beth said. “I never took my ring off, and I wasn’t planning to.”

“Now, we have a baby.”

“We?”

“Yes. I never would have let you abort it. A secret part of me was ecstatic about the thought of a little Beth that was part of each of us.”

Beth looked down. “The thing I’m having a problem with is you throwing me away so easily.”

“I wasn’t letting you go, and I made sure you were safe the whole time. I had Tony go for you and take you to Aria. There were several men following you. I still needed to protect you until you got to the Mortelli mansion. I trusted her to take care of you until I got my head on straight.”

He was happy to see some of the tension leave her body. He was afraid to ask the big questions. He moved to the side of the bed closer to her.

“Is there any chance you’ll forgive me?” he asked. His fingers turned white as he gripped the railing of the bed and waited.

“Alastair. I already do forgive you.”

He was afraid to hope she said what he thought she did. “You’re not mad?”

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