Page 21 of A Mafia Christmas

Beth nodded and sat on a chair while Kit sat on the sofa close to her. Beth couldn’t keep her hand from resting on her stomach. The baby was the only thing that kept her sane most days.

Kit sat down and pulled out a pad of paper and pen. “Do you mind if I write some things down? I tend to be forgetful.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Kit looked at her. “If you’re not comfortable with a question, just tell me. We’ve only just met.”

“Okay.”

“Can you tell me if you wanted to get pregnant?”

“I always wanted to have a large family. It didn’t seem feasible when I was on my own. I had no boyfriends, and I wasn’t making enough money to support a child. I’d been alone for a long time, so that’s what I knew. Then, when I went to live with the Macleans, my husband told me several times he didn’t want any children.”

“Would you have resented him later if you hadn’t become pregnant?’ Kit asked.

Beth thought about that for a moment. “You know, I’ve never thought of that. I want to say no, that I love him enough and have a fulfilling life, I didn’t need one. I also planned to help the others with my nieces and nephews when they started coming. So, I don’t think I would.”

“Would you have been jealous of them?”

Beth shook her head. “I think I can positively say I’d be too thrilled for them to be envious. I want them to have everything they ever wanted.”

“I can tell you love your family.”

“I do, very much.” Beth looked down and started to whisper. “You know they really aren’t my family? Alastair brought me into the house. They accepted me and always made me feel like a part of them.”

“But you don’t?”

Beth shook her head. “Deep down, I don’t. I’ve never felt worthy enough.”

“Why is that?” Kit asked.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never been strong, and every one of them is so strong, it’s amazing.”

Kit smiled gently. “Do you want to tell me about this last incident that brought you here?”

Beth went through what happened and then stopped. It always made it come back with the feelings she had that day.

She hadn’t known she was crying until Kit handed her a box of tissues. Beth took one and wiped her face. “I’m so sorry.”

“Beth. This is what I’m here for. I don’t care if you start throwing things. As long as you don’t hit me, we’re good.” Kit laughed.

Beth smiled.

“I’m going to ask you some things, and if you don’t want to talk about them, tell me to move on.”

“Okay.”

“If your husband walked into the room and begged for your forgiveness, would you give it?”

Beth’s breath caught in her throat. She had never considered it. She shook her head. “I don’t know what I would do. I’ll love that man until I take my last breath, but I’m scared now.”

“That’s understandable. What if he wanted to hold the baby?”

Beth’s heart felt like it would burst from her chest. “I think that would be okay. He’s never hurt an innocent before.”

Kit studied her for a moment. “But I can still see the fear.”

Beth looked away. “It’s just that I never thought he’d throw me away…” The tears started again.

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