Page 2 of Catch My Fall (Catch)

“You know it’s not your fault. Nothing that you could have done would have changed anything.” Pulling away, I looked up at him and said, “Is he paying for theotherthings that he agreed to pay for?”

He looked as if he might be ill as he nodded in the affirmative. “He is, and if there ever comes a day when he won’t, I’ll do it myself… and destroy him in the process.”

“Thanks, Uncle Jesse. I’m sorry that I had to ask. I just feel so… Well, you know how I feel. I know you want to pay for it yourself, but I need to know that at least he’s doing something. I’m a fool for hoping that every time he has to pay a bill or write a check he feels guilty, but I know in my heart he doesn’t. It’s not for you to pay; it’s for them. I don’t have access to the money that Grammy and Grampy left for me until after I graduate from college and I just need to know… I want him to do what he said he would do for Macy. He doesn’t get to take the easy way out. If you take over, he can wash it away like nothing ever happened. When that’s all resolved, you can go ahead and do whatever you want where he’s concerned. I’m done with him.”

“If he tries to contact you in any way, I want you to call me immediately. Icouldn’t stop him talking to you about the car since the fact that he had to buy it was included in the pre-nup he and your mother had, but that’s as much as he gets. Don’t give him an inch, Mia. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

He stared at me for a moment and I knew that he could see I was on shaky ground. Reaching out, he squeezed my hand gently before his eyes wandered around my room. He smiled at Neil and my mother and said, “It’s great to see you both. You look wonderful, Michelle. Pregnancy suits you.”

They spent a few minutes talking and laughing with each other, and I smiled as I watched them. My mom actually met Neil because he works with my Uncle Jesse for a software company, and the three of them have always been close.

When they were finished talking he came back and stood next to me. “I knew you would be busy moving and I don’t want to hold you up, so I’ve got the salesman I bought the car from downstairs waiting to take me back to my car at the dealership. I’ll always be here for you Mia, no matter what. I’ll be back in a few weeks to take you to lunch. I love you, baby girl.”

He pulled me to him and hugged me tightly, and it hurt my heart to know he was upset that I’d be living so far away from him. Like my mother and Neil, Uncle Jesse understands the reason, but it doesn’t make it easier for any of them to live with. Jesse never had any children of his own and I know that I fill that spot in his heart—much the same way that he and Neil fill thevoid in my own heart that my father created just by being himself.

As my Uncletook his leave, my roommate arrived. Her name is Darby McKenzie and she’s an absolute riot. Since our roommate assignments came out the two of us have been chatting via email and Skype, and we even coordinated our comforters and décor.

The room filled up fast as her parents and her older brother, Austin, came through the door carrying her gear. We spent a few minutes making the introductions between the families and then Neil helped her father and brother bring the rest of her stuff up. By the time everything was in, both sets of our parents were completely exhausted. We hugged and kissed our parents goodbye. Pulling me aside, my mom cupped my face in her hands to give me one last thing to hold onto when she left. “You’re the strongest person I know. I’m in awe that I gave birth to you. You’re my hero, Mia Rose.”

I hugged her so tightly that I hoped I wasn’t hurting her. My mother is my rock, and it’s because of her that I won’t give up. After everything came out about what happened to Macy and me, my mother said something that I’ll never forget:

“You’ve always been a fighter. If you get pushed down ninety times, you get up ninety-one. Never underestimate your own strength.”

The funny thing is that all of the strength I do have, I got from my mother. With her in my corner showing me the way, I’ve always come out swinging. If I didn’t have her, I shudder to think of what my life would look like.

Once our families left, Darby and I spent the rest of the day and well on into the evening organizing our room while listening to music and talking. I can tell already that I’m going to love Darby and I’m so glad that I got a good roommate instead of a crazy one. My big fear was that I’d end up with someone like the roommate in “Pitch Perfect.” Luckily I’ve got Darby McKenzie instead. The future looks brighter than it has in forever.

* * *

I woke up like a shot,sat straight up in my bed and gasped for air. I’d hadthe dreamagain, not that it was a surprise. Every single night for the last six months I’ve woken up like this. I’m on antidepressants and I even tried sleeping pills for a couple of weeks, but nothing works. No matter where I go or what I do, the dream is just waiting to make an appearance.

Clutching at my chest, I looked over at Darby, relieved to see that I didn’t wake her up. It would be embarrassing to have her find out on night two of sharing a room with me that I’m such a mess. I’ve been quiet enough that I didn’t wake her last night or tonight, but sadly the chances are better than good that she’s going to hear me at some point.

I would be able to handle it if my dream was just adream. But it’s not. It’s a series of memories, nightmares on permanent repeat. One of the worst things about having it night after night is that even though it’s a dream, nothing ever changes the outcome. Being forced to relive the agony of that series of unchangeable events is worse than any other nightmare I can imagine.

My therapist saidthat I’m having these dreams every night because I have guilt over what happened, even though she’s pointed out time and again that I am not one of the two people responsible for what took place. I know she’s wrong. Guilt is a very generic word for the way I feel, but I guess it’s the description that fits the best, given the circumstances.

How can I not feel guilty about the fact that my best friend is in a psychiatric facility because of me?

Chapter Two

It took almost half an hour to get back to sleep last night, but I managed it. Sometimes the dream fades away and I’m able to get back to sleep fairly quickly. Other times it stays with me for hours and I don’t get back to sleep at all. It’s bizarre to think that just six months ago I was able to sleep through the night without a care in the world. I’d give any amount of money to turn back the clock and have that carefree existence again. I’m just thankful that last night wasn’t an all-nighter because I definitely don’t need the added stress of being sleepless, today of all days.

Looking myself over in the mirror, I let out a low sound of disgust. I’m not even sure how it’s possible that I spend as much time and money as I do on products and flat irons, only to have a touch of humidity turn me into a walking advertisement for awful hair. I was dumb enough to open the window over my bed last night after I woke up from the nightmare, and I slept the rest of the night with it open. It was a stupid thing to do, and my hairwas paying the price. I’m starting my freshman year at Evermore University in Amarillo and I’m stressed out enough without having to worry about going to school looking like I plugged myself in.

I’m not the type of girl that’s super fashionable… at least, not anymore. That was my old life, and the inclination to spend an obscene amount of time stressing out about my appearance feels like it was surgically sliced out of me. I don't go crazy withmakeup and I don't spend hours primping to get ready for a trip to the mall anymore. The only throwback to my more stylish self is my devotion to my hair. It’s the one feature that I pay close attention to and although I hate to do it, the rain has left me with no choice but to throw my hair up into a ponytail. My hair has become a security blanket for me and having it pulled back makes me feel like I’m naked. When my hair is down, if someone takes notice of me or makes me feel uncomfortable, all I need to do is hide behind my hair and that’s that. It really sucks that I’m not going to have that option today.

I'd already done very light makeup, just a touch of mascara and some light lip-gloss, so after throwing on a pair of black leggings, a silver gypsy-type tunic, and a pair of ballet flats, I was ready to go. I grabbed my tote bag and headed off to my first class of the day, Business Math.

I had taken the time to learn my route the day before, so I got myself to my first classon time. As is habit with me, I chose a seat at the back of the room. I hate sitting close to the front. In my mind, that section is reserved for ass-kissers and the late-to-class. I’m not an ass-kisser, and I’ve got enough anxiety without ever having to add being tardy to the mix. Ergo, I’m a back row sitter.

Looking around the classroom, I thought about how much Macy would be enjoying the first day of collegeif she were here. Before that horrible night, Macy had been one of the most enthusiastic people I’ve ever known. She loved getting out and being social…right up until the moment that she didn’t trust in people anymore. Watching that light go out of her is something that I will never forget.

I jumped like a scalded cat when I heard a sexy male voice say, “Excuse me.”

I turned to my left and found myself looking into a pair of beautiful chocolate colored eyes. I couldn’t help but stare at him as I took in all of his features. Amazingly sexy mouth, strong nose, perfect cheekbones, those rich chocolate eyes and the sexiest dark brown hair I’ve ever seen were enough to render me speechless. I stiffened involuntarily. He was probably used to girls losing it over his face. I’ve dealt with enough cocky, good-looking assholes who think they can have who and whatever they want, and I’m never going back again. Schooling my facial expression into something I hoped was just enough to convey a ‘not interested’ vibe without coming off as totally bitchy, I stared him down and waited for him to tell me why he had gotten my attention.

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