Page 76 of The Lord of Whispers

“Look at Gloria. She was consort to the King. And no one would dare make that insinuation about her,” Jay said.

“Gloria’s going to be Queen of Valencia now,” I reminded him.

“And you’ll be consort to the King’s Contra,” he retorted, as if that decided the matter. “And if anyone so much as whispers the word whore and your name in the same sentence,I’ll know, Alarie, andI will end them,” he promised darkly.

I could feel the sincerity in his words. I also knew that if I didn’t do something to change the trajectory of my life, I would be the consort to Lord Vitruvian for the rest of my life. Maybe if we could live in Breakpoint, our arrangement could work for me. But I knew that as Contra, he needed to be at the High Court. I also knew that I hadn’t sacrificed the fun part of the first twenty years of my life to get to the High Court only to leave it and settle down a couple of hours south of my hometown, even if that settling did come in the form of Jay and a big, oceanfront castle. The idea of us having a life together at Breakpoint was nothing more than a fantasy.

I realized that we were each other’s fantasy. I was his escape from his arrangement with Lady Vitruvian. And he was my escape from Harborview. But the difference was that I had escaped from my past and was free, thanks in large part to him.

But he was still stuck. And now he had a baby on the way. I had no idea how I fit into the picture of Jay’s new family. Would he leave me to go north all the time? Or would I go with him now? Or perhaps Elizabeth would begin staying at the High Court with us in the Vitruvian manor? I had thought I wanted siblings at one point in my life. But that was made impossible by the fading magic and the fact that, to my knowledge, my mother had not dated since my father.

But Jay having a baby was not the same as me getting a sibling, not even close. I was still trying to figure out my own life. I wasn’t ready to have a child in my life.

“The day you showed up at Court was one of the best days of my rather long life. You’re an incredible liaison, and truthfully, you have been functioning as much more than a liaison to House Vitruvian for quite some time. I rely upon you as I would a counselor, and it’s past time that we recognize this and make you a counselor to House Vitruvian,” Jay said.

I felt wicked as I drank in the high lord’s praise, knowing that he meant every single word of it. He was willing to give me as much as he had to give, and somehow, what the second-most powerful man in Valencia had to offer was still not enough for me.

I knew that Jay valued me for much more than what we had between the sheets, but I was worried that my role at the High Court would be defined by my relationship with the high lord. I worried that no matter how considerable my talents and dedication, that everyone would just believe I fucked my way up the ranks of House Vitruvian instead of believing me to have truly earned my advancements.

“Aren’t you going to at least try to explain yourself, Alarie? Don’t I deserve that much?” he asked firmly, through thinned lips.

My heart sunk a few inches in my chest. He had hurt me badly by not telling me about his obligations to the lady and then fulfilling those obligations. But in that moment, I realized that what I did was to hurtus, not him. I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted to go to him and tell him the truth. He might be disappointed that I had kissed Luke, but he would forgive me, and Luke too; perhaps even use it as an excuse to remind me of some of my very firstlessons.

But I had set down this path for a reason, I reminded myself, and I couldn’t back down now. Could I do better than what Jay, Contra to the King and high lord of House Vitruvian, had to offer? Almost certainly not. But it wasn’t about doing better than what I could do with Jay. For me, it was about doing it on my own. It was important to me that whatever I got, I earned it on my own.

The ironic part was that the girl I’d been when I’d showed up at Jay’s doorstep would not have dreamed of the opportunity to be consort to the King’s Contra. But Jay had molded that ambitious young girl into a woman with aspirations. When I lived in Harborview, all I could think about was what I needed to survive. My only desire had been to get out of Harborview and find something different. I had not had time to think about what I wanted beyond that. I had not been able to picture a life beyond that. But now that I had escaped, I realized I didn’t just want something different, I wantedmore.

Jay had showered me with everything I had ever needed, and with the support of his love, money, and skills, I had allowed myself to think about what Iwanted, not just what I needed, for the first time in my life.

I didn’t know if I would ever be able to make people see past where I came from or my mixed blood, but I was certain that if I stayed with Jay, I would forever be defined by him. If I stayed with him, then no matter what I did, my successes would be his successes. But Jay’s love and support had empowered me to dream of a better life, a better world perhaps due in some part to the contributions I had made in my life.

“Jay, let’s not do this. We don’t have to talk about it,do we?” There was an edge of a plea in my voice.

Please don’t make me hurt you any more.

The high lord took in a deep breath, letting the anger out of his shoulders and reached a hand out to me. I had done enough damage for one day, I decided. It was as much as I could stomach at the moment, anyway. I walked toward him, accepting the temporary truce.

Jay pulled us both into a large armchair, placing me on his lap. I didn’t feel any sense of his usual need pressing against his pants as I did so.

“My sweet, wicked, Alarie,” he let out in a low, gravelly voice.

I gulped down a breath, unsure of what this reaction from him was. He didn’t rage with jealousy or anger, and he didn’t try to teach me a new lesson or reaffirm an old one. No, he just wrapped his arms around me and began kissing my neck, gently,much too gentle for the situation, I thought with a panic. I could have accepted a jealous tirade or another lesson, but his gentleness made me feel macabre for what I’d done to him,to us.

And then he began to trail his hand up my right thigh.This is more familiar, I thought, calming as I opened my legs to him as I had always done, allowing him to get closer to my sex, its usual throbbing wetness missing. He moved his thumb and forefinger together, drawing circles inside of my thigh, and nipped my neck. That was the jumpstart I needed for my wetness to begin pooling at my opening.

I moved my mouth over his, not exactly to say sorry, but to try to convey all the words that were left unsaid. And then his fingers plunged into my wetness, alternating between drawing his fingers in and out of me and stroking the top of my sex. He played inside me lazily, as if wishing to linger instead of going straight to his usual purpose.

He grabbed my jaw with his other hand and held his mouth just hovering over mine, breathing in my moans. Despite his languor, I felt him grow beneath me, and that quickened my pulse. I began to squeeze around his fingers in the way I knew would bring me nearer to my release.

Lord Vitruvian demanded in his steely high lord voice of old, “Alarie, come for me now,” and I quickly complied, finding my pleasure for what seemed like the millionth time on the lap of the high lord.

Jay carried me to the rug in front of the fireplace in his study. He ripped Luke’s shirt off me, tearing it down the center. I held my breath. But the rest of his movements as he disposed of my remaining clothing were urgent but less angry.

He pushed me on my back on the soft rug, kneeling between my legs. Laying on his stomach, he raised my sex, drenched with the ecstasy of his prior efforts, to his mouth and he drank me in. He flicked his tongue over me time and time again before plunging his tongue into me and lapping me in. He brought me crashing over with his tongue still inside.

Only after he had shattered me several times and I had begged for him inside of me did he, at last, release his hardness from his pants, pushing himself between my legs. He submerged himself to the hilt inside of me and moved deep and slow, savoring every moment. He pressed his body against mine, holding my hands above my head and interlocking his fingers with mine as he pushed inside of me with punishingly penetrating thrusts.

He lifted me into his lap as he sat up, still inside of me, making my legs wrap around his torso. We were impossibly close, joined at our most intimate middle, torsos pressed together, as we rocked back and forth with him sheathed inside of me until I once again shattered against him. I tried to throw my head back, getting lost in my pleasure, but he gripped my chin between his fingers, forcing me to stare into his eyes as I came undone. I couldn’t bring myself to say the words I knew he wanted to hear. So, I said his next favorite thing.

---