Page 126 of Christmas Kisses

“Why?”

She shrugged, turned in his arms and leaned back against his chest, tipping her head up as if to search the stars for an answer. “You were always the guy I fantasized about. The one I knew I could never have. Way out of my league.”

“I was too shallow back then to know a good woman from a bad one, Kara. Believe me, I know the difference now.”

“That doesn’t matter so much, though. I mean, you can’t decide who you’re attracted to. It just happens.” She swallowed hard. “Handsome men aren’t usually attracted to me. I keep thinking this is just too good to be true. And then when Mom said your... your wife was in town, I thought that was it. I was right, itwastoo good to be true. You were married.”

He shook his head slowly. She wasn’t looking at him, but at the stars. He was looking down at her, though. She had no idea just how beautiful she was, did she? “That hurt you. I hurt you. I’m sorry, Kara. I swear, I’m going to do my best not to let that happen again.”

She closed her eyes.

“I want you in my life. In Tyler’s life.”

Her eyes popped open, and she turned her head, staring at him in what looked like shock.

“I know it’s too soon for that, but it doesn’t seem like it is. It makes perfect sense to me. You and me and Tyler—we make sense, Kara. Don’t you think?”

She licked her lips nervously. “I... it doesn’t feel like it’s too soon to me either,” she said. She spoke slowly, haltingly, thinking her words through before speaking them. “But it is. We both know it is, Jimmy. I mean... there are so many things to think about, to talk about.”

There were, he knew that. But Tyler adored this woman, and she would do anything for him. Nothing else mattered. Nothing. He’d work through whatever problems there were. “I know.”

“No,” she said. “I don’t think you do.” She met his eyes. “I don’t want to leave Big Falls, Jimmy. I love it here. It’s my home. My family is here, my new business. I’m just starting to make my own way here. To find my footing. And you, your life is in Chicago. Your career, your home, your friends. It might as well be on Mars. A big city. God, I could never—”

“Okay, okay. I’m moving too fast and I’ve got your head spinning. I’m sorry, Kara. I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through her hair, saw the panic taking hold in her eyes. “Take a breath.”

She did. Then released it in another rush of words. “And then there’s your ex-wife. A drug addict, for God’s sake, involved with a criminal. I mean, I don’t know if I could handle having a person like that in our lives.”

He smiled. “I like when you say ‘our lives.’” She didn’t smile, though, so he wiped the smile off his own face. “I’m not dismissing your concerns. They’re real and they’re valid. But Angela is one thing you don’t have to worry about. She’s not a part of my life or Tyler’s.”

“But, Jimmy, she’s hismother.”She drew another deep breath. “Maybe she just needs help. Maybe she could get clean, go to rehab, change her ways.”

“She doesn’t want to change.”

“A child needs a mother, Jimmy.”

He met her eyes. “I know that.” Which was precisely why he was here, he thought. But he didn’t say it aloud and he hoped to God it didn’t show in his eyes. “I’ve dumped too much on you,” he said. “After the scare of learning Skinny Vinnie might be in town and then all this...” He shook his head. “You know, chances are Vinnie isn’t any threat at all to Tyler. Hell, I can’t even be sure he’s a threat to me. Maybe Colby met a girl and took off for a fling. It wouldn’t be the first time. Vinnie and Ang might have just come down here to try talking me into changing my testimony again. Maybe even offering me a bribe this time.”

Kara nodded. “But you don’t really believe that, do you?”

His lips thinned. Damn, she was a little too insightful. “It’s possible.”

“But not likely. If he wanted to offer you a bribe, Jimmy, he could have done it over the phone.”

He nodded. “I hate that this is happening now. That it’s having a negative impact on what’s been growing between us.”

“It’s not,” she said. “Nothing’s going to have any impact on you and me but you and me. I won’t let it.”

“But you just said–”

“I changed my mind.”

He pulled her close and kissed her again. “You’re one special woman, Kara Brand.”

“I never thought so. But you’re starting to make me feel like one.”

Hell, he thought as he hugged her close. He was a real bastard. Because shewasspecial and she deserved a hell of a lot more than this. A man who wanted her only because she’d be the perfect mother for his son. A man who didn’t really love her. Who wasn’t capable of loving her.

She deserved so much more.

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