Page 98 of Every Time My Heart Breaks

“Well, damn…” He seemed overwhelmed for a minute. Then a wrinkle line formed between his brow, and he looked up. “Do you know what made the crush stop?”

My stomach tightened, and my smile died flat. For some reason, I didn’t want him to know anything else. Sure, there was a cathartic release. But then there was also utter humiliation, and I was going to totally do that to myself if I told him much more.

“Chloe…?” Luke said softly.

I glanced up at him. “The, uh, the graduation party that the twins threw,” I said, my voice cracking slightly. “I, uh…” Laughing lightly at myself, I glanced down at my hands to find them twisting pieces of my blankets nervously. “I was so sure thatthat nightwas going to be when it finally happened. I was going to make you notice me. I’d spent the last four years losing weight to impress you, and I bought a new dress I thought you’d like…”

Lifting my face cautiously to gauge his reaction, I wasn’t at all surprised to find him looking horrified.

“Mother of God, Chloe,” he rasped, starting to breathe hard. Setting a hand on his chest, he shook his head. “Please tell me you did not lose all that weight for me. Oh…fuck. You know, that wasn’t why I never—”

“Oh, I know,” I assured him firmly. “I one hundred percent know that. I found out that night, in fact. When you showed up with Amber Galveston.”

“Amber…?” he said in surprise and straightened from the doorframe. “Shit. I forgot about her.” His eyes flared a moment later and his gaze veered to me. “Oh hell,” he breathed. “Iwaswith her that night. And I talked shit about your dress and made you feel bad about losing weight. And you threw a drink at me. Holy fuck…” Clutching his head, he gaped at me for the longest moment before uttering, “You should’ve kicked me in the junk too. God…dammit, Chloe. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I had no idea you—”

“I know,” I told him. “And you didn’t do anything wrong. You haveneverdone anything wrong.I’mthe one who put these silly, little-girl expectations on you, then kept them all a secret, andthenturned hateful and mean toward you when you didn’t live up to them. There’s absolutely nothing to blame you for. If anything, I oweyoua huge apology.”

“Don’t you even dare,” Luke warned before he huffed out a bitter laugh and ran a hand over his hair. Then he shook his head and glanced at me regretfully. “Want to hear something utterly fucked up?”

I shrugged. I couldn’t imagine anything being more fucked up than my behavior toward him all these years, but I said, “Sure.”

“I always saw you as the sweet and adorable little sister type. You were the nice one. It wasn’t until you turned bitter and hateful toward me that I began to see you as edgy and…desirable.” With another dry, unamused chuckle, he motioned toward me. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? I had to break your heart before I wanted you in the way you needed me to, and by then, it was too fucking late. You didn’t want me back.”

I didn’t have anything to say to that; I think my heart was too busy breaking all over again.

When I merely shrugged, too numb with pain to do anything else, Luke let out another dry, pain-filled laugh. “Oh…” Clutching his head, he turned away and walked a few paces into the hall before turning around again and stepping back toward the doorway. “Hell. I’m such a prick,” he announced. “I’m such a big, fucking prick. How the hell can you stomach to even look at me?”

I blinked, thinking that was a bit dramatic. “I…” I shook my head, confused, before blubbering, “Because you never did anything wrong,” I repeated. “You didn’t know. You—”

“I broke your heart!” he cried, gaping at me as if I was insane. “Ihurtyou. How… How can you just… You’re…” He motioned toward me as words failed him. “God, I can’t do this.” Turning away, he ran a hand over his head, then turned back. “I’m going to go. I have to go.”

“O…” I nodded, squinting in concern because he looked as if he was possibly going to have a breakdown at any moment. “Okay,” I said. I wanted to ask if he was alright, but clearly, he wasn’t. So I gushed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“No.” He lifted a finger in warning, letting me know he wouldn’t be accepting any apologies from me. “This isn’t on you. I’m the one who… Jesus. I just…I’msorry, alright? I’m so…fucking sorry. I—”

His gaze snagged on something on my nightstand. “Right,” he rasped, shaking his head as if to change gears before he motioned toward my right. “I made you some breakfast. To apologize. It’s that healthy crap you like, nothing to make you have a cheat day. But that was before I knew—God. I’m so pathetic. I break your damn heart and then think yogurt, granola, and somefruitare going to fix it?” He barked out a laugh. “I’m such an idiot. I should go. I need to go. I need to think.”

“Luke?” I said softly, concern thick in my voice.

His eyes looked glassy and devastated as he met my gaze. “This just sucks,” he said. Then he shook his head and kept shaking it until he pointed at me. “No. You know what? No… I got you to fall for me once. Without even trying. So I can do it again, right?”

I blinked, not at all expecting him to saythat. “W-what?”

“Iwilldo it again,” he announced with more certainty. “I’m going to make this right. I’m going to fix what I fucked up. You just… You just watch. Everything’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“But…” Panic filled my chest. “No,” I told him. “You said you were going to stop. Last night. You’d said you’d stop trying with me.”

“I…” He froze as he realized I was right. “I did, didn’t I?” When I nodded encouragingly, he winced at me. “Sorry. I… Fuck, Chloe. I’m so sorry, but I can’t. I can’t stop. Notnow.”

When he sent me a pleading cringe as if begging me to understand, I gaped.

“What? Of course, you can.”

“No, I really can’t.”

“Whynot?”

“Because I have to fix this,” he said as if that should be obvious.

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