Page 119 of Perfectly Wild

And I had betrayed him.

My love wasn’t enough to stay, and it was killing him in front of an audience.

His anger exploded, his eyes turned venomous. More warriors and the chief emerged from the trees. It was unusual behavior as I have rarely witnessed hostility among the Ularan people. His reaction shocked me into a panic.

I pleaded for my bag and belongings. To my surprise, Weju retreated to fetch them, except spears were raised, and Maria was begging me to leave. I asked her to wait until Weju returned.

Minutes seemed like hours.

On his return, his calmness fooled me.

He handed me my bag and then asked to hold Kaikare one last time.

My tears fall as I write this entry, and with every word I continue to write, I want to vomit, acknowledging my ignorance of the warnings Maria had shouted at me from the curiara. Warnings of offending their culture.

I was a fool for love.

I passed Kaikare to him so he could cuddle his daughter one last time, even though I knew of the infection risk. I couldn’t deny him. He dropped the bag at my feet. When I bent to pick up the bag, Weju had taken his position beside the shaman. The shaman palmed Dawn’s forehead and sang a song. Stupidly, I assumed it to be a blessing, and it gave me a minute to check inside my bag for my passport and other important belongings, including my camera. I was blind in understanding what the exchange meant.

Weju’s expression hardened. He announced to all how Kaikare has medicine magic and can’t leave the village. The shaman confirmed it. Her future was there, and she, too, will grow up to become a shaman.

Overwhelmed with hysteria, I begged for my baby.

Weju asked me again to stay.

Maria’s voice was in the background telling me we must leave now as it’s our last chance.

But I couldn’t leave without Dawn, so I continued begging for my baby.

Weju held out his hand for me to come to him, and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of the love we shared, yet in those few seconds, he realized I wasn’t going to change my mind, and the chief gave a command.

Spears lifted.

Maria shouted as the motor roared. I had one last chance to stay or go.

A warning arrow missed us. The next might not.

Leave without Dawn or stay.

I could get sick again. So could Dawn. I’m fresh out of surgery and can’t bear more children.

Albert and Winston expect me to come home.

The authorities might not give me another chance if I stay.

Can I undo the damage I have already caused within the village?

My sobs were uncontrollable, and I couldn’t hear myself think, yet alone make a decision.

Until Maria yelled, “Ivy, now or never.”

“Wait,” I screamed.

Through my tears, I opened my bag and retrieved my decoupaged mirror and pearls and held them out. No one made a move toward me. So I placed them in the sand and backed away with my eyes still on my daughter, knowing this was the last time I’ll ever see her. I climbed aboard the curiara, my heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.

As the curiara reversed, the shaman strode to the river’s edge. Like a gatekeeper, he slammed his stick on the ground, and the beads and bones attached at the top rattled in warning.

The ferocity in his eyes will stay with me forever. Then his expression changed to fierce understanding. Not in pity, more that he knew the ending of my story.

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