Page 65 of Hawk

We stand together beneath the warm spray of the water raining down over us. I’ve never been so content and satisfied in all my life. Molly is definitely what my soul has been yearning for all this time. I just can’t believe I actually found her. Not everybody is that lucky.

Now, all I need to figure out is how we fit into each other’s lives, and how the Kings are going to fit into my new reality. There’s some small part of me that fears they don’t.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

Ican see the sun glowing around the edges of the room’s blackout curtains and know it’s later than I usually wake up. I turn my head and glance at the clock on the nightstand and see it’s half-past eight. I turn my head the other way and smile when I see Hawk with his head on the pillow, still asleep. His breathing is shallow and even. He looks peaceful. Memories of last night flood my mind and fill my body with a heat that I’m growing to enjoy.

I honestly never thought I would enjoy sex again. Not after what I’ve been through. Not after I’ve been used like I have been. I never believed I’d be able to be intimate with anybody. That I’d never be able to let my walls down and let anybody in. Though I hoped for those things and clung to that hope like a drowning man clings to a piece of driftwood, I didn’t know that I would ever actually be able to feel the way I feel for Hawk about anybody again.

But Hawk has come into my life and turned everything upside down. He’s made me see things in ways I never believed possible. He’s made me see myself in ways I didn’t think I could. He’s helped me tap into a strength and courage I never knew I had.

I’m grateful for all those things, but the one thing I’m most grateful for is that he’s helped me believe in myself. He’s helped me believe that I’m worthy of love. That I’m worthy of the life I want to live. And that I can be the person I want to be. He’s helped me believe that I can do and be anything I want and that nothing can stand in my way.

Hawk’s eyes flutter, then open, and he covers his mouth as he yawns. Still lying with his head on his pillow, he looks at me and smiles.

“Now who’s being creepy?” he asks. “Do you always watch people sleep?”

“Only those people I like.”

“That sounds even creepier.”

I laugh and give him a shrug. “Yeah, maybe.”

“No, definitely.”

“Shut up,” I say and slap him on the arm.

"Don’t get me worked up now, Miss Sanders,” he teases. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh needs a rest after all those rounds last night.”

I toss my head back and chortle, then reach out and trace his jawline with the tip of my finger and smile. He takes my hand and kisses my finger.

“Do you know, I have never smiled as much as I do because of you,” I tell him. “Never in my entire life.”

“Yeah well, I have that effect on women.”

“Oh, do you now?”

“I most certainly do. Ask around.”

The laughter bursts from my mouth. “You are a pig!”

“Oink oink.”

He pulls me to him, and we cling to each other, laughing like idiots together. The whole scene just feels so domestic. Like we’ve been together for years and this is just another Saturday morning spent in bed together. It somehow just feels so right and natural. Given how little time we’ve actually known each other, it’s more than remarkable. It’s actually kind of frightening. And it makes me wonder what Hawk thinks about it all. I guess if I want to know, I just need to ask him. He’s been nothing but honest with me.

Even as confident as I’m feeling right now, I don’t know that I have it in me. I couldn’t bear it if Hawk didn’t feel the same way that I do. I mean, I knew going into this that there were no guarantees. Everything he’s said and done to this point makes me want to believe he feels like I do but we haven’t talked about it. We haven’t shared our feelings with each other. He doesn’t know what I feel or what I want. And I don’t know that about him either. All I have are assumptions based on things he’s said or the way he looks at me.

I silently kick myself. I realize I sound like a teenage girl and the thought of letting him hear that in me makes me cringe. I’d never want him to think of me as some insecure, immature girl. I want him to see me the way he seems to—as a strong, confident woman who can handle anything life throws at her. And to be fair, there are times I feel like that.

But there are other times when I feel like I’m teetering on the verge of a massive breakdown. Times when I need to fall to pieces. Like yesterday in the shower. Times when I feel weak, when I feel powerless, and when I feel like all I want is for somebody to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. If I’m being honest with myself, that piece of me has been in the driver’s seat for much of the last few years. I’m used to feeling that way, as much as I hate to admit it.

But I don’t want to anymore.

“Penny for your thoughts,” he says.

“It’s going to cost you a lot more than that, mister.”

“Wow,” he says. “Inflation is a bitch.”

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