Page 30 of Endless Harmonies

“Good morning, Lennon,” the doctor says with a smile. “Let’s chat shall we?”

There’s so many thoughts in my head, I plop down on the sofa with a sigh.

“Sure. I’m equal parts pissed off and sad today I think, though. You have your work cut out for you,” I warn her.

Dr. Evelyn rolls her eyes. “I highly doubt that. What’s the thought that’s at the forefront of your mind?”

“My parents,” I confess. “I have two beautiful babies. What if I’m like my mother? A psychotic narcissist that’ll fuck them up? My father is a bigot, and I’m very much not one. But what if I screw up as a mother?”

“So what if you do?” she counters. “I think all parents have this fear, and it’s normal. You’re not always going to make the right decision, but if you’re questioning yourself now, I think you’ll be just fine. Let’s talk about the bigot part of things, shall we?”

I hadn’t told her yet about what happened yesterday, and I rehash it all for her. To her credit, she keeps a tight leash on her emotions, merely nodding as we talk.

“I would say you’re not at all like that,” she says. “You’re a woman who believes that love is love, as is evidence in your relationships. Tell me what else you’re thinking about.”

Without intending to, the next words come out unbidden. “I’m worried about being triggered. It hasn’t happened, no one has said it, but what if something happens and I’m with the kids? I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I whisper.

“Do you remember the first and only time someone tried to use you as a weapon?” Dr. Evelyn asks, brows raised. As soon as I nod, she continues. “You fought it and killed the people who hurt you, didn’t you?”

Remembering Agent Ina Gomez’s face before I went dark, I nod. “I still killed a lot of people while I was fighting its hold.” I frown. “Is there anything I can do to release myself of some of its power? I really like Hawaiian pizza, it sucks to be scared of one of its ingredients.”

Dr. Evelyn’s lips twitch before they smooth out. “We can do some exercises to rewire what that word means to you so that it loses some of its power. It’ll eventually be just a fruit again. Your mind is way more powerful than you give yourself credit for. Your inner strength is impressive. You’ve been through so much and come really far. Be proud of yourself.”

Leaning back on the pillows, I nod. “I’m impatient,” I confess. “It’s awful, I know. I want to speed up and slow down. I’m excited to get married and begin that journey, but I also want to soak in every moment. We’re going on tour again for just three concerts to be a buffer for my sister and my idiot bandmates, and then taking a break for the rest of the year. It’s just… overwhelming in the best of ways.”

Dr. Evelyn sets down her clipboard with a smile. “Welcome to the life of every bride to be. These are all very normal responses. It’s wonderful and exciting. Bask in it.”

She’s right. The rest of the appointment helps me feel out my emotions, calm the anxiety, and reminds me that in a lot of ways… I’m still normal. It’s nice to remember that.

CHAPTEREIGHT

Orion

The next day flies by, and I keep my eye on Lennon. I don’t have a lot of experience with touring, but three concerts seemingly back to back seems like a lot. “She’ll be fine,” Roark murmurs as we bring the last of our bags down the stairs to take out to the tour bus. “Lenny has more help now, Jordan is making sure there’s not too many media interviews and photo opportunities. It’s as handled as possible.”

“I know, she just seems a little quieter since Monday.” I sigh. “I don’t know if it was seeing her dad or the therapy appointment, but she seems off.” As Roark thinks about that, I appreciate that he’s giving me the space to say my piece.

“Alright,” he says as we board the bus. “We’ll keep an eye on her. It could very well be either of those things, but I’ve noticed her wanting to hold the twins even more than normal. When you have shitty parents, sometimes you worry that it may be genetics.”

I completely understand that, but that’s not Lennon. She adores our children. Case in point, as we walk to the back of the bus, she’s wearing one of the baby carrier contraptions that allow her to hold both babies close to her with her arms free. I’ll never get used to how amazing I find this.

“Hey, beautiful,” I murmur, kissing her forehead. “How are my girls and little man doing?”

Lennon blushes with pleasure, and it makes me remember the last time she blushed for me.

“We’re really good,” she says with a grin. “The fridge is stocked, you’re here, and we’re almost ready to go.”

She’s been making a concentrated effort to show me where I fit in our family. I love her for this, because I did struggle initially. I’m feeling better as I see how all the puzzle pieces fit together now.

“Cooking on a tiny stove, my favorite thing, Tiny Valkyrie,” Roark chuckles as he puts things away. There’s so many hidey holes, and my lips twitch as I see coiled rope tucked away too.

“Thank you for letting me stay with you,” Layla sighs as she steps into the living room of the bus.

“Of course, our bus is more comfortable too.” Lennon shrugs. “Those boys will be getting an earful from me though. I know you want me to stay out of it, but I can’t do it.”

“We’ve known them a long damn time,” Turner says, scrubbing his face. He has a bit of scruff, and I have to say it looks good. He said he didn’t see the point of shaving until an hour or two before the show. Otherwise his skin would be irritated since he doesn’t shave as often.

“Aye,” Roark mutters. “I’ve known them as philanderers for years, but the last few months we toured together they were practically monks.”

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