Page 11 of Seduce

Moving slowly, I feel the air start to leave the room as I close the door. It seems silly, but I’d swear hope is leaving too. Fuck, why is this my life?

Hands fisting, hidden in my dress, I walk toward the chairs in front of Grayson’s desk.

“Gray,” I whisper, swallowing hard as I look down. Gods, I’m so weak. I can’t face him. I’ve missed him so much.

“Silla,” he whispers, and I can feel him move. He’s a force of nature, the very air moves when he does. I wish I had some of his strength right now. A hand cups my chin, making me shiver. “Look at me. Gods, you’re so damn beautiful. A sight for very sore, tired eyes, Dangerous Girl.”

“I don’t feel so dangerous anymore,” I whisper.

“Look. At. Me,” he growls. “I thought you were dead. I want to see you.”

Raising my gaze, I meet his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him. “I didn’t know you could hear me. I didn’t know you thought I was dead until Cinder told me. I wouldn’t be surprised if you hated me. But she’s sent me here, and—”

“Shh,” he murmurs, his arms wrapping around me. Swallowing a sob, I stand stiffly. It’s been almost a year since I’ve been held. “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” I rasp, my voice miserable. “I just don’t know how to be held anymore.”

A second later, my legs are swept out from under me, making me gasp. Grayson carries me to his desk chair, sitting me in his lap.

“That’s fine,” he tells me. “I’m an expert cuddler these days.”

I look up at him in surprise as I lay my head on his chest. So many questions run through my head. Who is he cuddling with? Have they all moved on? Am I wasting my time here? Gods, maybe I would be better off ripped apart by Cinder’s—

“What is going on in that brain?” he asks, horror coming over his face. “Your eyes… Silla, shit. Whatever you’re thinking, stop. The twins, Sidney, Isaac and I have started sleeping in the same bed for comfort. None of us were doing well recently, because we’re so used to being in the same space. It’s just another part of our trauma. The only person we’ve been missing is right here in my lap.”

Sagging against him, I try to breathe, but instead choke on a sob. “I’ve missed you all so much. I have a big ask. A giant one, and you can all tell me to fuck off. I’ll understand.”

“What will it cost you if we say no, Silla?” the Warden growls.

I need to get a hold of myself, but the scent of spices and peppermint swirl around me, making it so hard to pack everything away. Shuddering, I dig my nails into the palm of my hand to try to get my shit together.

“Silla,” he barks, making me jump. There’s anger, sadness, and the sheen of unshed tears in his eyes. “No bullshit. Stop apologizing. I don’t want to hear it. None of this was your fault. It makes sense that Cinder is a diabolical bitch, but on the other hand, you’re alive, and that’s worth everything. Do you hear me? You’re the best part of the five of us.”

Nodding, my body jerks from the overwhelming flood of emotion that I feel. I have too many boxes that I stuff everything away, and they’re refusing to close.

“Yes. I hear you,” I croak out. Kicking off my shoes, I haul myself up so I’m straddling his thighs. I can’t stop staring at him as I reach out to touch his face. Seeing the gloves, I scowl, pulling them off to throw them. “Don’t let me forget those or it’ll be my head.”

“Silla, I don’t know if that’s a joke or not. Your truth bombs are killing me, Baby,” he groans as I finally touch his cheek.

His face is scruffy with a five o’clock shadow, and the feel of it grounds me. Leaning forward, I drop my forehead to his. “Thank you for seeing me.” I sigh. “I’m sorry it had to be like this.”

Hands surrounding my waist, his fingers dig in. I’m so grateful I’m not in pain, because my flinching if I had been recently beaten would upset him.

“I’m not. I almost passed out in shock when I saw you. I didn’t believe it when my secretary announced you. We have wished to see your face one more time since we were released. You’re always in my thoughts and theirs,” Grayson reminds me.

“What if they hate me?” I ask, my fingers tangling in his hair. It’s as if I’m trying to lock everything in my mind. How soft his curls are, how hard his muscles are, how safe I feel in his arms. I’ll miss it all after I leave.Gods, why are you so cruel to offer me this moment, knowing I have to be strong enough to walk away soon.

“Why don’t we find out for ourselves?” Grayson snorts. Picking up the phone, he clicks on the intercom. All I can do is twist around to look on in horror. “Sidney, Isaac, Ayden, and Andrya please come to my office immediately. We have a very important visitor here.”

“Why did you do that?” I gasp after he hangs up the phone.

Pulling me tightly to him so we’re nose to nose, he says, “Because the five of us love you, and they would never forgive me if they couldn’t see you. Is anyone waiting for you?”

“Lana.” I wince, having a hard time focusing on his words. They all love me? Is that possible? I don’t think anyone is able to love me after everything I’ve lived through in the last year. I’m spoiled and tainted goods. “Maybe someone should give her a heads up that you all are seeing me and that we’re discussing the Queen’s proposal?”

“Yes, I will tell Laura to do that. This isn’t important, but I need to know. Why is your voice different?” Grayson asks, his fingers digging into my neck, releasing tension I didn’t know I had. I’m fucking putty in his hands.

“I damaged my vocal cords, and it’s not reversible. This is my voice now,” I explain, my voice filled with shame. I hate the way I sound now.

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