Page 137 of Our Bender

“It’s okay guys. I promise. This is just what happens when you have a baby.”

“I’m never having a baby,” Stevie snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

Shit. I wasn’t sure what to say to that because I was feelin’ the same way as her.

The twins stopped walking and were now whispering to each other.

“C’mon guys.” I nodded forward to the kitchen table. “Dinner time.”

But Addie released a cry of agony and the boys made a run for it. I grabbed Beau’s t-shirt to stop him and dropped all the steaks on the ground. Their golden retriever was there in a second to gobble them up. Ty slyly skirted past us and ran for the den. Beau started scream-crying to join him.

“Uh, I need some help, Josie!” I called out.

“No, you don’t,” Addie screamed. “Babies! Mamma is okay, I promise!”

“I’ll switch with him,” I heard Josie say. “He can’t handle the kids.”

“He can’t handlethis!” my brother argued.

Stevie gave me a doubtful look.

“Hey, I can hear you guys!” I snapped back at them.

A minute later, Josie came striding out of the den holding Ty on her hip. She was rubbing his back as he cried into the crook of her neck. Beau ran up to her and hugged her leg.

“So… are you gonna go in and help? Cuz I’m not gonna,” Stevie said matter-of-factly.

I shook out my arms and did a few high-knees, then cracked my neck to both sides.

“You better not barf, dad. Aunt Addie will kill you,” Stevie snorted.

I playfully shoved her head and slowly made my way back to the den.

Josie

Addie was right– she didn’t have enough time to get to the hospital.

I kept the kids busy playing soccer in the backyard, and I think I distracted them enough so that they missed the EMT’s rushing into the house to help out.

It was only about an hour later that Tyler finally stumbled into the backyard looking like he’d just lived through war. His face was void of all color and his entire body was trembling.

“Yeesh, you give birth too, dad?” Stevie quipped with a laugh.

“Is everyone okay?” I asked, nodding at him to answer yes in order to assure the kids that everything was fine.

“Oh yeah. Yeah. All good. Mom, good. Baby girl, good. Kids can go say hi.”

The kids stampeded into the house.

I rushed to hug him, but he held me at an arm’s length away. A second later, he bent at the waist and barfed on the ground.

“Everyone good but me,” he groaned.

I was so relieved I started laughing as I rubbed his back.

“No, I’m serious. I’m not okay. I’m scarred for life, Josie,” he rasped.

“What?” I cackled.

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