Page 46 of Re-Writing Christmas

This wasn’t going to last for too much longer.Us all being in the same place.I didn’t mind admitting I liked the way we were all now so relaxed around each other, but Idisliked that it would be over soon.The tension between me and Nan was gone.Since we’d talked and figured out a way to let out some of our grief, it was better.

We’d stayed at the cemetery longer than most people usually would on a chilly day, but we set our letters down, tucked right away behind the flowers so nobody would easily see them and take our personal thoughts to do with as they pleased.The likelihood was, it would rain soon, and the ink would run so it would all be ineligible anyway.But doing that one thing together had made us closer.There was comfort in being around her now.One I hadn’t even known I was missing.

And then there was Nova.Fuck.I didn’t understand what the hell was happening to me when it came to her.I just knew since the first moment I kissed her, I wanted to be around her all the time.Wanted to touch her.And when I wasn’t with her, the thing on my mind the most was when I could see her again.

Don’t.You always knew the deal.You asked her to live in the moment with you, andyou’renot even doing that.

It was getting harder to, though.Maybe the days running out wasn’t such a bad thing after all.The sooner I was gone and the further away I was, the easier it would be to stop thinking about her.

Even I knew that was a load of bollocks, but I wasn’t above kidding myself to make a situation easier.It was kind of my thing.It was what had led to me unleashing years’ worth of bottled-up agony earlier.I may have got a handle on dealing with grief, but I wasn’t suddenly issue-free.

There was a suggestion of a movie on Netflix, and once it began, I pulled Nova onto my lap.She sat sideways facing the TV, her legs straightened out on the sofa as she snuggled into my chest.Through the whole movie, our fingers were entwined, and my thumb occasionally stroked across her knuckles as if I were reminding myself this was real.That she wasn’t just some figment of my imagination.She was curled in against me like there was nowhere else she wanted to be, and I wanted the movie to stretch on so I didn’t have to think about anything other than the sensation of her against me, her hand in mine.

My chest began to ache again, and it was a feeling that continued until we eventually found ourselves upstairs, in bed.

“You know, it was really polite of your nan not to mention that I didn’t bring any pyjamas here, nor did I go home to get some,” Nova said as she shuffled across the bed towards me wearing only her underwear—a matching lacy white bra and knickers set that made her look both innocent and sinful.

I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around her.“I guess she knew it was possible they wouldn’t stay on for long.”

“Is that true?”she asked, lifting her head to look at me.Her brown eyes were serious.“You’ve been quiet tonight.”

I considered mentioning the obvious fact we had been watching movies, but we both knew that wasn’t what she meant.

“I’m sorry,” I told her, kissing her forehead.“It’s just been a long day after all the stuff with Nan.”

Liar.

It was only a partial lie.I felt better for getting so much out of my system earlier, but I also felt tired.Processing so many things had taken it out of me, but like the selfish prick I was, I still wanted Nova with me.Wanted to soak up as much of her as I could while I had the chance.

“I understand,” she said with a soft smile.“Honestly, if all we do tonight is this, that’s okay.”

“Huh,” I teased.“I guess the appeal of me has worn off already.”

Nova shook her head.“Nope.Not at all.I just...I like being close to you in whatever way I can.”

I closed my eyes at her words, wishing I’d kept my emotions shut off.It was a hell of a lot easier that way.Much simpler than the heavy weight that hung over me every time I thought about leaving.About my decisions.

I rested my head on top of hers, breathing in the apple scent of her shampoo.

“Dolcezza,” I murmured.“Sei così perfetto.Vorrei poterti portare con me.”

She wriggled closer.“What does that mean?”

“It means I want to take the rest of your clothes off.”

More lies, but somehow, it was easier for me to say what I was thinking in Italian, so she didn’t understand what it really meant.You’re so perfect.I wish I could take you with me.

“I don’t have a problem with that,” Nova whispered, her lips finding my neck and kissing softly down and along my shoulder.I moved my hands up her back, unhooking her bra, then reached up to pull the straps down her arms.

Living in the moment had never been so incredible and so freaking conflicting.But I wasn’t going to stop.I wanted her.Needed her.

And so, I lost myself in her again, all the while knowing this would come crashing down around us both sooner than either of us wanted.

Chapter17

Nova

Wakingup beside Donovan was fast becoming a thing I loved.I couldn’t get enough of being surrounded by him, his large frame enveloping me.If it hadn’t been two days before Christmas, I would have considered asking if he wanted to take things back to mine and stay in bed there all day.But I had things I needed to do.Plus, we still had one thing to do on our list.It had been put on hold the last couple of days, but I wanted to complete it because I needed to see him in the elf costume he’d vowed to wear if I wore him down and made him love Christmas again.

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