Page 69 of Beautiful Beginning

There wasn’t a lot I was sure about anymore, and that might have scared me the most.

Chaz’s car was the only one I saw in the sea of them in front of my apartment. Laser focused as I parked beside it. He wasn’t inside. So, I took a minute. I could have taken sixty. But I stepped outside the car and walked up the stairs.

Chaz wasn’t in the living room, and when I got to my bedroom door, I stalled. His head hung low. But when our eyes met, that crossroads didn’t seem as divided. There was one path that seemed right.

“Hope you don’t mind.” He stood from the edge of the bed. “Nia let me in on her way out.”

My room was a mess. Boxes all over, clothes in piles, books stacked high. “I don’t mind. It’s a mess in here though.”

“Moving kinda looks like this though. Right?” He would know if he was leaving. Instead of staying behind while everyone around him left. “Pretty sure Marcus has no idea what moving means. He hasn’t packed a single box.”

The small talk occupying the space we needed to figure things out felt necessary. I don’t think either of us wanted to get to the conclusion. “Somehow I’m sure he’ll figure it all out.” I stuffed my hands in my back pockets.

“You know. Driving over here. The few miles took longer than it should because of traffic. It still only took minutes to get to you.” He stepped a little closer. “I’m going to miss that.” His hand reached for the bulge in my pocket. It stayed there till my hand gripped his. “In the best-case scenario, it’ll take hours for us to get to each other. And that doesn’t include the planning involved beforehand.”

I huffed. “No late-night texts asking if you can come over. Or telling me you’re on your way.”

“No run ins on campus. Can’t stalk you after class with an iced mocha in hand.”

I smirked. “What will I do without my iced mochas?”

He pulled me close to his chest. I wish I could have stayed there in his arms forever. Listening to the thump in his chest. My head rising and falling with his breaths. It was warmth, comfort. It felt like home.

In my hair he whispered, “What are we going to do?”

I was standing on one side of the path, certain it’s the way I wanted to go. But knowing I couldn’t have any of what we had in that moment, I wasn’t certain anymore.

He pulled me to the bed and we sat side-by-side. Both staring at the wall in front of us. Void of all the pictures, all the memories of my four years in Hill Mount. The boxes still open contained those. The others piled in a corner held the childhood memories from my parents’ house. The memories between me and Chaz were still nestled in my head. We didn’t have long enough for anything concrete to memorialize us.Another regret.

“I wish things were different. That we met freshman year and had more time together. That by now, I made it obvious that you couldn’t live without me. Not sitting here thinking what it’ll be like to not have me down the street but hurting thinking how bad it’ll be without me in your life at all.”

His breath stuttered as his head turned toward me. His mouth opened then shut. What could he say?

I wished I could have made it through that conversation without the tears. Without the outward expression of the pain gripping my heart. It was impossible though. “That’s how it is for me right now. I’m thinking about how bad it’ll be to not have you. I know you have no plans to move to Neveah City.” I hummed. “And I have none to return here.”

I asked, “What’s the compromise?” Because that’s what couples did, right? They compromised. Someone sacrificed a little, or a lot. The other person gave an inch, and hoped they got one in return. Somehow we should meet in the middle. Inch by inch. “How can we get closer to each other?” The campaign would be over in the fall, and unless he stayed on to work for Mr. Bradford, he was free to roam. But would he come to me?

“What if there is a city somewhere either of us want to be. Not here. Not Neveah City. Somewhere else?” His eyes searched mine, and I’m not sure what he found, but his drooped. The hurt I saw in his pained me.

“What if I love Neveah City?” I pulled a hand to my forehead. “What if it is everything I dreamed it could be, and more. What if we keep working toward this and I don’t want to leave?”Could I give it all up for him?

“And if I love you? If I wanted to marry you?”

The words didn’t ease the pain. Not when they were still a distantwhat if.How could they excite me when there was no guarantee we could compromise on thewhere?Or figure out the how.

“Love shouldn’t be this hard…” My eyes pulled together tightly. “My parents left Hillside, found a common city they both loved. Got engaged, and lived—”

I felt his hand on my knee. He sucked his teeth before saying, “I don’t want to state the obvious but…”

I shook my head. “Don’t mention it.” We stared at each other. “So, for us, is this how our happily ever after begins? Me and you in different cities, hoping and praying one day we’ll converge on a random spot somewhere we both can be happy.”

There was a long, comfortable silence. I’d like to think we were both standing at the crossroads. Somehow we couldn’t negotiate on which route to take, but accepted we’d be okay taking different paths. In that silence there might have been hope that those paths converged at some point. That we’d end up at the same destination. Ultimately.

Chaz stood from the bed, and I looked up to him. “You deserve that dream you’ve always wanted. It doesn’t look like you compromising on the city. It looks like you being with someone who is exactly what you pictured when you were a kid.”

If I closed my eyes I couldn’t visualize that person. In my heart though, I knew how I wanted to feel when I met him. And Chaz checked those boxes. With one small exception. “What if that looks like you?”

His lips twisted to the side. “Does that mean we can unpack these boxes?” His finger landed on the tip of my nose as it scrunched up. “Go follow your dreams. Don’t let anyone stop you. Not even me.” He reached for my hands and pulled me to my feet.

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