Page 65 of Beautiful Beginning

He cheated.It was the only explanation to his somber mood, wanting to see me in person. Wanting toexplain.He was here in Hill Mount, got bored, lonely, or both. Fucked around with some chick he hardly knew. And ruined everything. Ruined us.

It was Dwayne going out with that girl for coffee.It was me about to break everything off because of it.

I sighed. “Okay. I’m on my way.” I didn’t bother changing into a cute outfit. Didn’t bother adjusting my ponytail. If he was about to tell me devastating news, the last thing I wanted was to waste a cute outfit on it. The whole drive from my apartment to his place I was fuming. And everything that had me a little upset on spring break, had me furious before I pulled into a parking spot. He didn’t want to come with us for spring break. Didn’t want to spend the last break we had together. Hardly spoke to me while I was gone. When we were on the phone we didn’t say much. He sent random pictures of Hill Mount in response to my bikini shots by the pool.

I got to his door with my arms across my chest. My face contoured into a scowl when he answered.

“You okay?” His head tilted to the side. “Did you have to park far? Everyone is back now those good spots go fast.” He was blabbering. Likely trying to cover up his grave mistake.

“No.” I pulled my lips firm. “I need to know what’s going on.”

He pulled me by the hand and closed the door behind us. He led me to his room and closed that door too. When his arms wrapped around me I melted. Wanted to fight myself for letting one simple hug dissolve my anger. He held me out in front of him. “You’re tense. You okay?”

“Chaz,” I shouted. “What’s going on with you? A few minutes ago, you sounded like you were at your own funeral.”

A grimace molded his face. He sat at the edge of his bed and patted the place beside him. “That’s a gruesome ass parallel.” He shook his head. “And nothing is wrong.” He placed his hand over mine. “Not entirely. I missed you like crazy though. And…” he licked his lips and I wanted to release all the pent-up sexual energy. “I’d much rather sex you down than tell you what I need to say.”

Then it diminished. “Chaz…” The next breath caught in my chest. “Did you cheat on me?”

“What?” He blurted. “No.” His head shook back and forth. “Is that what you think.” He rubbed his face.

“Then what? You have me worried.” At least it wasn’t that.But what was it?“You’re breaking up with me?”

“Journey,” he placed his hand on my shoulder, “Okay I see you aren’t going to give me a chance to do what I want first so I’ll get it out.”

I pleaded, “Please.”

“Mr. Bradford’s campaign offered me a position.”

My eyes widened and my hands flew out. I wrapped my arms around his neck and yelled, “Congratulations, that’s amazing. I knew you’d figure all this out.” Then it dawned on me. The name. It sounded familiar. But couldn’t be the name I saw on billboards and signs up and down the street. Not the flyers littering campus. “Mr. Bradford?” That’s when the ball dropped. Everything inside me felt like it oozed down to the ground. “Here? You are going to stay here?”

“Here. In Hill Mount.” The capitol of the state. “It wasn’t the opportunity I was expecting, but it would lead into so many others.”

All that sounded good, great even. Still, “You want to stay in Hill Mount after graduation?”

“I don’t know if I could find a similar opportunity elsewhere.”

I argued, “Have you looked? Or was this the plan all along? You planned to stay right here?”

His face wrinkled, and his darkened lips tugged to the side. “I had no plans. When I stayed here for spring break it was to figure it out. That wasn’t a lie.”

I wanted to believe everything he was saying. Wanted to trust that if there was a way for us to be near each other he exhausted all those options. That this plan, the offer, only came after he applied and got rejected to all others. Others that would have moved him a little closer to me.

“Professor Martin was able to put in a recommendation. He suggested a meeting, and from there this happened.”

None of that sounded like any effort on his part to find something. It sounded like it dropped into his lap. A blessing for sure, but still not the effort I’d expect if he was trying other avenues. “Did you look for anything near Neveah City. Anything at all?”

The subtle shake of his head. A soft whisper when he said, “I didn’t.” His eyes as he stared at me waiting for a response.

It all felt like he uttered the words, “I cheated.” It hurt as bad. Felt just as shitty. A lot like betrayal. Something like telling me we were over. Like, “It’s me not you. I want you to go into the world and be happy. One day find a man who will give you everything you need.” Each passing moment between us as neither of us spoke made my heart ache more.

Finally, I said, “Nine hours by car. Three hours by plane. That’s how far we’ll be from each other. Is that feasible?” I had the answer I thought he’d give me. The one he couldn’t seem to formulate.

But if he wasn’t willing to get close to me. Could I give up Neveah City…for him?Like a slide show, images of Neveah City, my dream job, navigating the big city, and all it had to offer, flashed in my mind. Since forever, moving to the city was my dream. Much like meeting a husband in college and living my happily ever after.

I had both in my hand. But I never thought I’d have to release one.Which one was more important?

The room felt smaller, the air stale, his cologne overwhelming. The warmth from his body raising the hair on my neck. “Should I find something here?” The words felt foreign. A nauseating feeling followed.

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