Page 59 of Beautiful Beginning

He smacked his lips. “On Valentine’s Day? Shit, of course I’m alone. Can’t give any of these women the wrong impression. I’ll catch up with them on Monday. After they are over the holiday weekend.”

I shook my head. “I wish I would have done the same. I wouldn’t have messed it all up.”

“The same? Bruh, that’s your girl. If you would have done the same you would be single by Monday.” He leaned onto the wall. “What’d you do so bad anyway? Buy the wrong flowers, forgot to make reservations?”

“I could have recovered from that. Bounced back by the end of the night.” Then I thought about where I did go wrong. How badly I messed up. It started with her telling me she got the job. It wasn’t the announcement alone because that shit was dope. She could stop worrying about what was next, and where she was going. The job she wanted in the city she wanted to live in were within reach. “Reality is starting to settle in.”

“Reality?” Marcus’ face twisted up.

I couldn’t expect him to understand with the bits and pieces I gave him. Catching him up meant telling him everything though. “She is moving to Neveah City. Got a job at a large firm.”

“Okay, so what’s wrong with that?”

Exactly. Why was I tripping? Why did her announcement feel like a ton of bricks barreling into my stomach. Why did all the breath in my lungs depart leaving me speechless. Why did my mind draw a blank? Not a single word could come to me to tell her how proud I was of her.

“I’m not moving to Neveah City.” I hoped that was enough for him to catch up.

Marcus was a little dense when it came to relationships though. Not like I was an expert. Obviously.

“So, the problem is she’s moving and you’re not. Got it.” But the look on his face wasn’t confident. In fact, the way he twisted his lips to the side and his eyebrows bunched together he looked more confused. “Were you trying to be with her after college anyway?” Nope. He didn’t get it.

“I mean. I love her.”

In the four years of knowing Marcus. Sharing space with him and seeing him throughout the day. Through different emotions—which didn’t vary much. Never had I ever seen his eyes stretch as wide as they were staring at me. Deer in the headlights had nothing on my boy.

“Hold the fuck up.” His hand raised in the air. Then his face looked like he was going through an existential crisis. He started walking back and forth across the floor. From the door to the back wall, and back again. There wasn’t enough floor for him to get much traction, so he kept turning around. Back and forth in front of me. “Did you say you L.O.V.Eher?”

I shrugged. “Yeah.” If love looked like not wanting to go a day without talking to her. Or needing to see her whenever possible. The way my heart expanded when she smiled. How the hairs on my body reacted when her hand caressed my arm. And that’s not mentioning how it feels when I’m inside her. Because that? The closeness, the warmth, the moisture. Damn.“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you are a twenty-two-year-old man with a whole sea of women around you.” He stopped pacing and threw his hands out. “How’d I fail you?”

I laughed. “Fail me? Question should be how I failedyou.You act like being with one woman is the end of the world when it’s the beginning. Your whole life would change.”

He scoffed. “Like yours? You over here having a whole meltdown because your girl got a job.”

Okay, so he had a point. I was in a bad place. But I hoped my position was temporary. “I have to figure out what’s next for me. That’s all.”

Marcus sat in the middle of the floor. “Lucky for you, I have time.” His wrist tilted up. “About 50 hours to be exact. After that you’re on your own. You’re a poli-sci major, SGA president…” his nose crinkled. “What exactly did you think you’d do after you graduated?”

It wasn’t the first time we had that same conversation. The question wasn’t the exact same. But freshman year Marcus assumed I wanted to become president. Why else would I major in political science? For weeks, he’d tell me they fucked up by putting us in the same dorm. That years from then, someone would be digging into my background and find him.

Then, and now, I assured him, “I want to be an advocate.”

“For?”

That’s where I hung my head. I didn’t consider an exact cause, or campaign. I hadn’t defined what I wanted to throw my support behind. There were so many causes that affected the Black community, it was hard to decide. “I don’t know exactly.”

His lips tucked inside his mouth and his eyes flickered side to side. “Bruh, I said I have 50 hours. Not months to help you figure this shit out. I need you to start thinking.” He pointed to his head. “You always talking about voting. What about that?”

“That’s too general.”

“Voting on Sundays.”

I laughed but he had a point. “I’m sure there is a group focused on changing the day we vote.” I smirked. “But I don’t think so.”

“Alright, let’s act like you know what you want to do. Figuring out what city is important. Neveah City has a lot to offer, any city you choose would have to lure Journey away from it.”

“What if it’s here?”

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