Page 45 of Beautiful Beginning

“No.” Her head shook as she looked to the stage. “That was good. Well prepared in fact. Sounds like you have a good outlook on thefutureof the school.”

Future.We were here again?The day before we had an agreement. “I thought we were in the now?” I narrowed my brows and stared at her. “How are we flashing forward again? Rushing to the end of next semester?” I put my hands in the air but lowered my voice. “We haven’t had a New Years’ kiss yet and we are already wrapping up spring semester?” I didn’t understand. The emotions made sense. The sometimes happy, sometimes sad, I could deal with. I expected it. But the back and forth about our future was making my head spin.

“New Years’ kiss.” She smacked her lips.

The remaining students in the auditorium cleared the building. With only walls, and us, our voices echoed. The smack sounded like it had acoustics attached to it.

“That’s not too far into the future to consider?”

I rubbed the center of my forehead. “Journey.” I sighed. “I don’t want to fight every other day. And right now, it feels like you are waging war. I don’t even know what happened in the last twenty-four hours to break the peace treaty.”

“Oh, you don’t know?”

That felt like a trick question. Something my mom would ask of me and Carter when we were young. She already had the answer, and wanted to see who would be the first to snitch. It was never me.

Her hand hovered between us. “How about the conversation with my mom?”

“Your mom was cool. She didn’t seem to find anything wrong with my responses when she drilled me.” Then I figured it was Mrs. Thompson who snitched. “Did she think otherwise?” I wanted to tell her Mrs. Thompson should have told me she disagreed with something I said. But that would lead to another battle. I couldn’t fight two at once.

“When I went to the bathroom—”

“She asked if I wanted to marry you.” I could have judged Mrs. Thompson for asking such an invasive question. Instead, I took a minute to consider my words carefully. It’s what every good politician learned early. Don’t blurt out the obvious answer. Think about it. Reporters lived off knee-jerk reactions. They made good soundbites. “Your mom, who is in the middle of a divorce asked about marriage. Didn’t think it was appropriate to add injury to pain.”

“Journey is cool and all, but I don’t think we are at the stage to talk long-term.”She rolled her eyes. “That’s what you decided to say?”

Okay, so I should have taken a little longer to think through that response. I didn’t blurt it out but didn’t consider how the words would sound. I tried to dumb down our situation but didn’t mean to throw it in a ten-foot-deep hole.

“She’s skeptical right now, for obvious reasons, but after that? You didn’t give me much ammunition to defend us in thenow.” Journey’s eyes were weary.

“Journey, I stood up there and announced plans for the university. Not plans for me.” I pointed to myself. “I couldn’t do that if I wanted to. I have no idea what I’m doing when I graduate.” I tilted my head to the side. “Should I be hitching you to my wagon? You know what you want.” I recited her plans, “Big city, huge finance firm.” I shrugged. “Should I hitch my wagon to you? Move to a big city I don’t want to be, and hope to God I find a job?”

“No.”

I looked away from her and took a deep breath. I don’t know what gave me the illusion that relationships would be easy. Thought people got together and skipped off into the sunset. Rose petals along their path, butterflies flapping around them.

Not navigating a barren land, hoping like hell a mirage was somewhere in the distance.

“I was going to ask you to join me for Christmas. But maybe that’s a bad idea.” My words didn’t set off a landmine, but they didn’t ease the worry from her face either. I didn’t like the sadness in her eyes. Or the unknowing in mine.

“I would likely say no anyway.” It didn’t seem like she intended to hurt me with those words, but I felt a sting in my chest. “Last Christmas in the house I’ve called home for twenty years. I want to be there. Whatever that’s going to look like.”

Angry or not. Swords drawn or walking off the battlefield, I didn’t care. Journey needed a hug. I pulled her into my arms and rested my head on top of hers. “I hope it’s everything you need it to be.”

I heard a sniffle before she whispered, “Me too.”

ChapterTwenty-One

Journey

“For Sale.” A leaning sign in front of our house looked how I felt. Like I could hardly stand straight. The six-hour drive home was long, but I considered how often I’d make that trip in the future. There was only one more break before graduation, and after that, I would no longer be in Hill Mount. Driving wouldn’t be as necessary because I could hop a flight to Lake Side to visit. I sighed and popped my trunk. Grabbed my suitcase and drug it to the front door.

When it opened, Mom stood on the other side with a crooked smile. “Come on in.” She looked over my shoulder like she expected to see someone else. “Hold on, be careful with that.” She took the luggage from my hands. “Can’t mess up the floors, there’s a showing tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I said, “Like Christmas Eve?” I scoffed. “They can’t wait till after the holidays.” Stepping into my childhood home made me feel a little like akid.I wanted to kick and scream and storm up the stairs. But that was neither helpful, nor what I needed to do as a grown ass woman. “What if they buy it?”

Mom shook her head. “It’ll take at least a month before it closes.” She walked through the house. Each step navigated with caution like she didn’t want to leave a footprint. “We won’t be on the street for Christmas.”

“Thank God,” I said with a sigh. “Wait.” I called behind her back. “Where are you going?” She wasn’t nearing the stairs. Not going up to my bedroom on the second floor.

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