Page 34 of Beautiful Beginning

And that’s when it hit me. A little harder than when Monroe shared the news. If they divorce, there will be no morethem.They’d both be free to find someone else. I didn’t want new people in my life. I didn’t want them to be apart, let alone have someone else connected to them.

I tried holding back the tears, but they broke through. Streaming down my face as I became a blubbering mess. “They are getting a divorce.” I don’t know if Lauren heard me because the way she stared at me was giving she was in a daze.

She fanned her hand toward me and said, “Stop lying.”

“Dammit, I wish I was.” Monroe didn’t call back cackling in the phone. I would have loved for her to tell me her boredom had her pranking me early in the morning. “I don’t know if I’ve ever heard Monroe as serious.”

Lauren threw her bag on the couch and said, “Did you call them? That’s the easiest way to confirm it. Call Mama Thompson. She’ll tell you it’s one big misunderstanding.”

Lauren knew the feeling. Her parents divorced when she was in high school. At times she still recalls days after she found out. The process of them separating and splitting time between the two. How terrible she’d feel when she was with the other. “You know how many times my mama would threaten divorce and stick around?”

“But still divorced?”

“Guess that isn’t the silver lining I thought it could be, huh?”

I laughed and shook my head. We stared at each other before I said, “I need to get on campus. When I get home I’ll have to make the call. One of them will need to tell me what is going on.”

“And I’m going to pray by then, they’ve worked out whatever the situation is.” She wrapped me into the warmest hug and didn’t let go until my shoulders sank. “It’s going to be okay.”

I’d never want my parents to stick together for the sake of us, or me. If one or both were unhappy I’d want them to find happiness. But I couldn’t imagine their story ending like that. Them apart. Not when they’d been together since college. Their love story started off with perfection and grew into one of the greatest I’d seen.

Walking on campus felt like I was drudging through sinking sand. Each step heavier than the last, and my eyes feeling the weariness of the tears I shed. I wanted to tuck away in the corner of my classroom, away from everyone. But to remain awake, I’d need coffee. Something sooner than what Chaz usually brought me after my first class.

As I walked into the coffee shop, my shoulders slumped thinking about Chaz. And how my parents’ relationship was the baseline for ours. The goal I aspired to achieve with him. By the time I made it to the counter, I considered returning home to crawl under the covers for the rest of the day.

But then, a deep voice said, “I don’t think an iced mocha is all you need today.” The guy behind the counter stared at me. “You good?”

Without telling him all my family business I shook my head. “Some stuff going on back at home.”

There was a look of understanding in his eyes. “If they only knew how hard it is to function here, when there isn’t all good.” He pulled a muffin from the shelf and said, “Here, something sweet to help cheer you up. Whatever it is, know that unless you can control it, it’s out of your control.” He handed me the muffin and I passed him my card.

“Thanks.” I smiled. “That’s helpful.” I looked at his nametag. “I appreciate it, Malachi.”

“Anytime, Journey.”

I stepped aside and waited for my coffee and took a bite of the muffin. While I chewed I thought about his words. How I wanted tofixmy parents’ relationship. Repair whatever broke in their marriage. In the end, it was out of my control. No words I could speak, memories I could render for them, or plans I tried to make could undo what was happening.

“Iced Mocha for Journey.” The girl behind the counter passed me the drink.

I walked out of the café feeling a little lighter, but still like I could go home and take a long nap.

Then there was that familiar tug on my elbow. The one that I started to associate with only Chaz. “Hey,” he said in a soft whisper like anything louder would send me spiraling.

I realized despite how I felt on the inside, a mix bag of emotions, my face couldn’t hide any of them.

“I’ve been trying to call you all morning.”

“You have?” Other than my sister’s call, I didn’t notice any others.

“Yeah, it was going to voicemail.” His stare became a little more fine-tuned. “Is everything okay?”

I wished like anything I could hide it all. Take a moment to let it sink in before needing to discuss it further. But my heart and my mind couldn’t reconcile. Tears started to stream, and I huffed. “No.”

“Come here.” He walked beside me until we reached a nearby bench. One away from the crowd of people in the courtyard. “You have class right now, right?”

I decided I’d be no good there. “I do, but I’m not going.”

“What’s wrong?” His hesitation was thoughtful. “You don’t have to share if now’s not the time. I can sit with you till you start to feel better.”

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