Page 42 of Beautiful Beginning

“Yeah, us? Are we good?” I admit, I was all over the place. Fully on board with me and Chaz. Wanted everything my parents had. Longed for that Whitley and Dwayne happily ever after. Thought me and Chaz would walk off the stage at graduation into a beautiful future together.

The problem was, I was alone in that. I was on a page in the book he hadn’t flipped to yet and may not get to anytime soon.

That, combined with my parents’ divorce, the dream felt further from reality. The more I thought about it, the more I worried our relationship was a waste of time. That if there was no beautiful ending, then why care about the beautiful beginning?

I wish it was that easy though. For me to wake up and tell myself all the feelings I had for Chaz were over. For me not to think about him throughout the day. The smallest things, like the courtyard of our campus reminded me of him. That’s why I slowed when I saw him doing the interview. I kept a safe distance. I didn’t want to distract him. Make him lose his thought. But I admired him from feet away. I wanted to stand beside him and let that reporter know Chaz was about his business, whatever his business was.

But how could I do that, and still believe us now could be all there was to our relationship?

It was crazy. A part of me wished I never visited the coffee shop that day. Wasn’t walking along his path so he could bump into me. That Chaz Brown would have gone unknown to me for the rest of my time on campus. Now that I knew him, I couldn’t forget him.

“I know,” I offered before he could speak, “I’ve been all over the place.” I pulled my book closer to my chest. “I don’t want to lose what we have. If now is all we got, I want now.”

A little smile shifted onto his face, his eyes brightened, and I saw hope there. “Can’t lie and say I haven’t missed you.”

Oh, if my heart wasn’t nervously beating before those words, it kicked into overdrive afterwards.

Then he licked his lips. His hand reached out, and a finger brushed against mine. My mouth opened as I stared at him.Nowtrapped me. It wouldn’t release me if I fought it. Even if I begged it to let me slip into the future. My feet stood firm innow.

“I hope you missed me too.”

“More than you’ll know,” I whispered. “I hope you aren’t thrown off by these mini meltdowns I’ve been having.” I smirked. “I promise, this isn’t me.” It wasn’t. For most of my life, I remained stable. Balanced. The boat floated along a calm lake without rocking. Then a storm came and damn near knocked me into the water. “I wasn’t ready for my ground to shift from under me.”

He inched closer to me, not once letting his eyes leave mine. “At first it caught me off guard. It was a lot of emotions, a lot of ups and downs. But then I had to think about how I’d feel if my world was changing, and I can’t say I wouldn’t react the same way.” He winced. “I’d be in my room with all those emotions, but still…”

I laughed and his hand cupped my chin. “I should have stayed in my room too.”

He rebutted, “Except, that’s not who you are. You are the girl who is going to embrace her people. Wear your feelings on your sleeve and dare everyone around you to brush them off. That’s who you are.”

I wiped a hand across my forehead. For December in Hill Mount, it sure warmed up. “Thank you.” I nodded and closed my eyes before looking at him again. “I’m still hurt by it all. Still trying to adjust.” I smirked. “I’m sure as things progress there will be times when I feel the weight of it all again. But I don’t want that to impact what we have.”

“I’ll be here if, and when, that happens.” He leaned down and our lips connected. Better than the first kiss we shared, more intimate than the sex, more sincere than his sweetest words.

I breathed him in and didn’t sigh until it ended.

“I have a break before my next class…” his words didn’t say what his eyes revealed.

I laughed. “My apartment is close, and I’m parked right over there. If we leave now, I can make it back for my afternoon class.”

He pulled my bag from my shoulder. “Should we run?”

I laughed as he started speed walking across the courtyard toward the parking lot. “Like actually run?”

He looked over his shoulder and said, “When we get there, I won’t rush with you. But we have to get there.” His head tilted to the side. “It’s been a minute.”

“You have a point. It has.” I quickened my pace, but his strides outpaced mine still. When we got inside the car, I told him, “I’ll take the fast route.”

“Please.” A pleading look in his eyes had my entire body tingling. His hand dropped to my thigh like he could sense the vibrations happening throughout my body. He rubbed his finger in circles, and it was hard not to moan at the red light.

When it turned green, I sped through. Whipped into a parking spot and didn’t wait for him to open my door. We were laughing as we ran up the stairs. And as I fumbled with my bag, trying to grip my keys, he leaned behind me with his dick planted firmly into my back. Kissed along the nape of my neck.

“Chaz,” I breathed, “Hold on. I can’t think like this…”

He gave me an inch of space. Still, I could feel him behind me. Feel the warmth radiating off his body. The key turned and he fell back into place. I threw my bag down and continued our kiss from earlier. Walking backwards as he guided us to my room.

“Journey?”

My feet faltered, knees buckled, and I poked my head around Chaz’s back. “Mom?” The tension in my jaw could have cracked a pecan shell. “What? What are you doing here?”

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