Page 1 of Beauty and the Grump

Chapter One

Stevie

“I’m fine.” I pressed the speakerphone button and tossed my phone on the kitchen table.

“Are you really?” the familiar voice of my best friend, Jane, echoed in my kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and yanked open the fridge. “I have no other choice but to be fine, Jane.” I surveyed the slim pickings of my fridge and grabbed an apple that was mere hours away from rotting. “But I am going to have to go grocery shopping or order food so I don’t starve.”

December 7th, I was supposed to have tied the knot and hopped on a plane for Hawaii for thirteen days with my new husband. I had eaten all the perishable food from my fridge the days before the 7thsince I wouldn’t be around, but those plans had fallen through seven days ago.

Hell, I also was living in a maze of boxes that had been packed to be moved when we got back from our honeymoon.

Get married, go on a lush honeymoon, and then come back to move in with my new husband.

Instead, I got ditched at the altar, crawled back to my apartment, and had been living off of canned food and contemplating adopting ten cats since I was destined to be forever alone. A few cats seemed like the next step into spinsterhood.

It was now eleven days before Christmas, and I was anything but in the holiday spirit.

This was normally my favorite time of year, but I just couldn’t seem to get into the spirit since my plans for the rest of my life had gone up in smoke. I planned to dig out my tree at some point, but it was just sitting in the closet right now.

“If you do starve, you can add that to the list of things that are Paul’s fault,” Jane spat. “I never liked the man but sucked it up because you loved him. A woman’s intuition is never wrong, and mine knew that man was no good.”

I huffed. “My intuition told me to marry the man, Jane.” And that was one hundred percent wrong. “I don’t think I can rely on my intuition anymore.”

“Then go off of mine,” Jane ordered. “You are better off without that assclown.”

“Shouldn’t you be enjoying a Hawaiian sunset right now, Jane, instead of hounding me about being okay?” I grabbed the phone off the table and flopped onto the couch.

Jane huffed. “Your brother fell asleep half an hour ago. We have dinner reservations in half an hour, but I’m really contemplating just letting him sleep and ordering room service.”

“Let him sleep. Enjoy some time to yourself.”

“I still think you and I should have used your honeymoon, not Tony and me,” Jane whined. “I love the man, but after three margaritas, he's ready for a nap while I’m ready to turn up and have some fun.”

I rolled my eyes and turned on the TV. “Please don’t say turn up ever again, and I’m good right where I am, Jane. You and Tony getting the honeymoon you never got three years ago is good with me. That’s the only good thing that came out of all of this.” I didn’t want to be in paradise with Jane when I should have been there with my new husband.

“As soon as we get home on the twenty-first, I am coming over. I know I’ll be sick of Tony by then and will need a break from your brother.” Jane sighed heavily. “I’m kind of sick of his butt right now.”

“Oh, please,” I laughed. “You and Tony are made for each other, and you know it. You might have talked to me first, but we both know the only reason you started talking to me was to get to Tony.”

“I plead the fifth, and I need to go. I have a few deliveries heading your way in the next couple of days, okay?”

“Deliveries?” I asked. “What did you do, Jane?” Groceries were the only delivery I wanted. Or maybe a pizza.

“Just some things I think you need right now. I’ll call you tomorrow and try not to cry too much into your pillow tonight.”

I rolled my eyes. “Not any more than I did last night, promise, and I don’t need any deliveries, Jane. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” I looked at the apple in my hand and cringed. “Though if you are having groceries delivered, I won’t say no.”

“Make sure you answer the door tomorrow,” she called. “I love you, Stevie.”

“Bye, Jane, and I love you, too,” I sang. I ended the call and dropped the phone on the couch.

Oh, Jane. She meant well, but I really did just want to be left alone.

I didn’t have to be back to work till after the first of the year, and while I had planned to spend my time nesting and enjoying marital bliss, I now wanted to wallow in my heartache while eating anything I could shove into my mouth while watching cringy reality TV.

Life had done a one-eighty on me, that was for sure.

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