Page 18 of A Little Luck

“Are you afraid they’ll defend him? Or blame you somehow?”

Fear quivers in my stomach. “What if they do?”

“What if they don’t?”

“Then I’m the victim. I’m damaged goods.”

“You’re a survivor. You’re strong, and you’re raising a son on your own. You’re a small business owner and a leader in your community.”

“Oh, God.” I scrub my fingers over my forehead. “Even more of a reason to keep it a secret. I don’t want the whole town knowing my dirty laundry.”

“Hey,” she nudges me in the side. “Don’t you run the paper? You don’t have to make it front page news.”

My eyes fall to my hands, and the weight is in my chest again. “I feel like a failure. I let myself be a victim, and now I’m broken. Now I have a wonderful man like Adam wanting to be with me, and I’m too afraid to let him in.”

“We’ll work through those fears. Remember the children in the basement? They’re trying to protect you, but you don’t need them anymore. Let them go.”

It’s her analogy of old, protective behaviors that no longer serve me.

“If it were that easy, I’d have gotten laid Friday night.” Another lame attempt at a joke. Drew was the one who told me laughter was my trauma response. “I don’t want to be broken and afraid. I want to be with him.”

“I know.” She squeezes my hand. “We’ll get you there.”

“The night Rex died, I found out I was pregnant.” Blinking up at her, I smile sadly. “Looking at that positive pregnancy test, I knew I’d be tied to him forever.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Terrified.” I remembered the blood draining from my face at the sight of that little pink plus sign. “So I wished with all my heart that somehow I could be set free.”

A soft bell pings, indicating our time is up. Her eyes hold mine, and she covers my hands with hers. “You didn’t cause Rex’s death.”

“Have I ever told you about my luck?”

“You can tell me about it next time.” We both stand, and she gives me a squeeze. “Spoiler alert: I’m not going to believe it’s bad. You have a wonderful little boy.”

“The exception that proves the rule.”

She smiles, stopping at the door. “You’re a lucky person, Piper Jackson.”

“Maybe if we keep saying it, it’ll come true.”

* * *

“Owen taughtEdward to catch a frisbee in his mouth!” Ryan climbs into the twin bed in his small room at the top of the stairs. “Now he can play hide-and-seek and tagandfrisbee!”

“I could’ve told you Edward’s a pretty cool dog.” I hold the blanket as he slides under the covers. “Although I’m not sure how fair it is to play hide-and-seek with a bloodhound.”

“Owen said he sleeps at the foot of his bed every single night.”

“That’s an upgrade.” I tuck the blankets all around my son and down his sides. “I remember when he had to sleep on Britt’s crummy little couch.”

Ryan’s voice is thoughtful. “Do you think I might get a dog one day?”

My nose wrinkles. “Dogs are a lot of work. They need walking and food and vet appointments.”

Which means vet bills…

He nods, looking down at his hands. “I know. I was just wondering. I can play with Edward for now.”

---