Page 81 of A Little Luck

“You okay, Piper?” Cass’s voice pulls me out of the darkness.

Exhaling a loud, shaky laugh, I look down to see my feet are on the couch, and I’ve wrapped my arms around my knees. My cheeks are wet with tears.

In my mind, I left the movie and the loft far, far away and that old, dead demon had resurrected to torment me.

Only I wasn’t fighting. I was cowering. As usual.

My whole body trembles, and I drop my feet to the floor. My brain searches frantically for a joke, something to deflect the fact they’ve caught me in my memories, but for some reason, this time, I can’t laugh away the trauma.

Instead, I leave the ornate room and dash out the door on my bare feet. Looking both ways before I cross the empty street, I run to where the vacant gazebo sits, lit by tiny white twinkle lights in the darkness.

A noise behind me tells me I’m not alone. Cass is running to catch up to me, and Britt isn’t far behind her, although she can’t move as fast.

“Slow down, I’m coming,” Britt calls.

I stagger into the small, round space, wrapping my arms over my waist and pacing, struggling to calm my breath, to regain control, to push this past back into the box where I kept it far from the light. Far from where it could hurt me.

“Shh…” Cass wraps her arms around my shoulders, rubbing up and down. “We’re here.”

Britt waddles up the steps, and the two of them surround me. I’m holding onto myself, and they’re holding onto me.

I’m like the little boy with his finger in the dam. If I pull it out, the entire ocean will come crashing in and drown us.

Only, for the first time, I wonder if it might be the reverse. If I might actually be on the other side of the dam, drowning in the ocean while I hold the water in.

Cass puts her chin on my shoulder, and Britt traces her finger along my temple, moving a curl off my face. She hands me a tissue, and I blot my cheeks, my eyes.

“Is this about Adam?” Cass’s voice is quiet. “Did he do something? Or not do something?”

“God, no.” I shake my head. “He’s been nothing but patient and wonderful and good.”

He’s so good.

He doesn’t push. He doesn’t ask questions.

He takes what I’ll give him, and then he holds me. God, I love how he holds me like I’m the most cherished thing in his world. Like he’d fight all the demons in hell for me.

“What is it then?” Britt’s voice is soft. “This is serious.”

The truth presses like a cannonball in my chest ready to explode, and Drew’s words are in my brain on repeat.Let them be your friends… Let them be there for you…

My chin drops, and the fear is so strong, but this time, the pressure of the truth is stronger. “I’ve never told this to anyone.”

“Maybe we should have a seat then.” Cass guides us to the wooden bench lining the inside of the gazebo.

Two sets of hands grasp mine, and two sets of concerned eyes hold mine. My eyes lower, and I force myself to say the words I’ve never said outside of Drew’s therapy office.

“Rex… When we were together… He…” Pausing, I inhale calm. “He hurt me. A lot. All the time.” The shame tries to bubble up in my throat, to steal my voice, but I swallow it down again. “He would take drugs and drink, and he would get jealous of other guys looking at me or me looking at them. He would fly into a rage, and he would cut me or burn me. He said it was to mark me as his. He said it was to show them I belonged to him, and I could never leave him.”

The words spill out of my lips like the water draining out of that hole in the ocean. They diffuse the pressure in my chest, and I realize how long I’ve needed to let this darkness out of me.

Tears rim my friends’ eyes. Britt hiccups a breath, putting her hand over her mouth, and Cass holds my hand tighter in hers.

“How long…” Britt starts. “Was it the whole time?”

Shaking my head, I look out at the purple neon sign of the Star Parlor across the street, from where we came. “It started after high school, when I went to college and he didn’t. He got deeper into drugs, and he became someone I didn’t know.”

“Oh, honey.” Cass puts her head on my shoulder. “I wish we’d known. Maybe we could’ve helped you…”

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