Page 17 of A Little Twist

She’s belting out her favorite Shania Twain song, the song that saved her life last year, and Edward the bloodhound sits up on the couch and begins to howl at the top of his lungs.

“Sing it, Edward!” Piper calls from the kitchen, where she’s mixing up watermelon margaritas.

We’ve recreated our favorite girls’ night: movies, margaritas, Shania, and a box of bachelorette-party accessories I ordered online from Booty’s Bachelorette Loot. Britt’s wearing a headband withBridein big pink letters above her head and a sash that readsSame penis forever. She’s fanning herself with a big face on a stick, featuring Aiden’s big face, of course.

Piper and I are wearing headbands that readLet’s go girlsand necklaces that say,Drunk AF. Britt’s necklace readsEngaged AF.

“These watermelon margaritas go down too easy!” Britt shouts from where she’s standing by the Bluetooth speaker, shaking her butt as she sips.

Nodding, I take a sip of my third, as I skip over to join her. “They’re delicious!” My voice is too loud, and I put on the Shania classic, point to my headband, and yell, “Let’s go, girls!”

She cranks the music, and we bump hips. I’m doing my best to drown my frustrating life and turn up the party.

“Why aren’t we using these?” Piper skips over with her drink in one hand, dropping penis straws in each of our glasses. “Suck it!”

We all take sips, and Britt holds up her phone to take a selfie of the three of us with tiny penises clutched between our lips.

“Aiden’s going to love this.” She cackles, hitting send before skipping to the kitchen for a refill.

“I think we’ve made it to the bottom.” I slide my fingers around the empty cardboard box, and all that’s left is a receipt and a bumper sticker that readsI got my BBL at Booty’s.

“What’s that?” Piper takes it from me, then snorts a laugh.

“What’s a BBL?” Britt’s nose wrinkles.

“Seriously?” I cry. “You didn’t know what vabbing was, and now you don’t know what a BBL is?”

“Sorry I have a job, and I can’t hang out on social media all day!”

“Rude!” I throw the penis-shaped stress ball at her, and she catches it. “BBL is Brazilian Butt Lift. It’s when they take the fat from your thighs or your stomach or your arms or wherever, and they inject it into your butt to make it fuller.”

Her brow furrows, and she looks over her shoulder. “Does it work?”

“Millions of Kardashians can’t be wrong,” Piper deadpans.

“Why can’t we simply love the body we’re in?” Britt complains. “There’s so much pressure on women to look a certain way. It’s ridiculous in this day and age…”

“Movie time!” I stand, cutting off her lecture and waving the remote to her flatscreen television. “What do we want?Magic Mike XXLorSteel Magnolias?”

They both look at me likeseriously?

Once again, Piper deadpans, “Read the room, Cass.”

“Yeah, read the room!” Britt throws the penis stress ball at me, and it bounces off my head.

“Hey! Don’t throw penii at me!” I look all around my feet, but the little bugger seems to have disappeared. “Is it penii or penises?”

“Penises.” Naturally, Piper as editor and publisher of theEureka Gazetteknows.

Edward puts his head on his paws, and we climb onto the sofa to watch some hot male bods. It’s not long before we’re squealing at Joe’s naked butt tackling Channing into the pool to the tune of “Crazy Train.”

Britt puts her head on my shoulder, and I feel her phone vibrate in her hip pocket. She fishes it out and laughs softly as she reads the screen.

“What?” I gently give her a nudge.

“Aiden says the guys are not having half as much fun as we are.”

“What are they doing?”

---