Page 43 of Nanny for the Athletes

She was terrified of dogs, and now she’s laughing about almost getting eaten? Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

“They just wanted your turkey stick,” I explained. “Especially after you gave some to Loki.”

“If you think about it, people are like big turkey sticks,” she said. “We’re full of meat!”

I laughed with her. “I guess we are. Let’s get you back inside. I think you’ve cleaned up enough poop for today.”

19

Braden

“Hell yeah. Let’s fuckinggo. Boswell, give me some skin. YouknowI saw that huge tackle on third down on that last drive.”

I walked up the airplane aisle high-fiving my teammates and shaking hands. It was a funny thing, being a professional athlete. There were a lot of perks. We got paid millions of dollars per year to play a game. We were as famous as movie stars—if notmoreso. After all, Brad Pitt released just one movie a year, whereas I was on TV for three hours every single Sunday from September to January.

Yet despite all of that, nothing was sweeter than the taste ofvictory. It was infectious, like a virus. But, like, agoodvirus, spread through high-fives and dirty jokes. Right now, our flight home was a super-spreader event. My teammates played cards and listened to music. One lineman was twerking in the aisle ahead of me, and only got out of the way when I gave him a big smack on the ass.

Our record was now 3 - 4. We were still in last place in our division behind the Jacksonville Jaguars, Houston Texans, and Tennessee Titans. But despite that, three straight wins felt pretty damn good.

“Who wants to celebrate tonight?” I asked.

Andre, one of the Defensive Backs, jumped out of his seat. “Come on, Braden. You know I’m always down for a few sips. Especially if you’re paying!”

“Hell, count me in!” our Running Back added.

I loved when our game was scheduled in the early slot. It meant we finished early and could get home at a reasonable time Sunday evening. Sometimes that meant relaxing on the couch and watching the late game, but sometimes it meant going out and celebrating into the late hours.

“Are you forgetting something?” Christian asked me.

“The only thing I’m trying to forget is that touchdown pass I dropped in the second quarter,” I replied. “Keep feeding me the ball, and I promise it won’t happen again.”

Christian looked unamused. “I’m talking about Logan’s daughter. We’re supposed to pick her up and watch her until Logan can figure something out.”

I sat down in my seat. “Oh, right.” For the past week, my sister Leslie and her fiancée Emily—Logan’s sister—had been helping take care of Claire. But the two of them were in Spain for the next couple of weeks, leaving Logan scrambling to find someone to watch his daughter.

His daughter. I still couldn’t believe Logan was a dad. That was like finding out my dog Pickles was a chess grandmaster.

Thinking of Pickles and Claire reminded me of where both of them were right now: at Beth’s kennel. “Oh, right!” I said in a totally different tone. “I forgot we get to see her tonight!”

“For a brief moment while we pick up the dogs and Claire, yes,” Christian replied. “And because I’m such a good friend, I’ll help you with her tonight. We can have a sleepover at my place.”

“That’s… really nice of you, man,” I said. “I’m lucky to have you as a friend.”

Christian smirked at me. “I’m doing it for two reasons. One, Logan asked me to make sure you don’t fuck it all up.”

“That makes sense.”

“And two, I want to keep you from feeding Claire marshmallows and candy for dinner, and keeping her up all night watching scary movies.”

“Hey! Horror movies made me the man I am today.”

Christian gestured. “I rest my case, your honor.”

I rolled my eyes, and he laughed and punched me lightly in the shoulder. That was another good thing about winning. It meant we could laugh and make fun of ourselves without any of the sting.

“I just hope I don’t have to put Heidi away,” Christian added. “Logan said Claire is terrified of her.”

“At least that makes sense, since Heidi is a scary German Shepherd. Claire is also afraid of Pickles, who is about as dangerous as an airline pillow.” I flicked the pillow that Christian had around his neck.

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