“I don’t want this to end. And I know this is probably dumb to admit, but I think it’s also stupid not to say anything.”
Emily goes quiet. My eyes have adjusted to the dark now, and I can see her face. She’s staring at me with concern wrinkling her forehead and confusion rolling behind her eyes.
“Don’t want what to end?”
I run my hands through my hair, jerking at the strands because I need my brain to work.
There’s nothing else to do but just spit it out.
I know the words, and it’s not like I’m standing in front of a class or anything. It’s just Emily and me. I shouldn’t be this nervous.
“I love you, Red.”
Holy shit. I’m doing this.
It’s like a dam busted, and all the water is spilling out, the words coming so fast I can’t stop them.
“And I can’t believe I’m even admitting this, but I’m panicking, you know? I feel like I’m losing you when school ends, and I can’t stand it.”
I dare to peek over at her, expecting a smile or some shit, but she has no expression at all, her deep red hair a curtain around her face.
Maybe she’s stunned.
Maybe she’s thinking the same thing.
Girl’s act like this when they’re happy.
Right?
The word vomit comes faster, the script I’d practiced long gone as everything I’m thinking comes out in a knotted jumble I’m begging her to understand.
“It’s just that everything happened so fast, Red. You know? We, I mean the three of us, it was just supposed to be for fun. And I know you’re leaving to travel the world, and I’m supposed to be going to college, but maybe we can do them together. Take turns. We travel, and then I finish school.”
I’m pleading with her. Begging her. Anything to get a simple reaction out of her other than a look of horror. Or surprise?
I don’t know.
She doesn’t normally look at me this way, and maybe I’m screwing everything up.
Like a balloon deflating, I’m running out of air, ideas … hope.
“Say something, Red.”
She attempts to speak, but like me, the words are stuck on her tongue. Maybe it’s just too much. Maybe she feels the same and wasn’t expecting this. Maybe she loves me too.
“We can’t … I mean … Ezra.”
Her eyes drop to the floor, long red hair falling forward to conceal her face. I reach out and brush it back. There is no way in hell I’ll let anyone come between us. She can’t hide from me either.
Not Emily.
Not myhome.
“Don’t tell Ezra. He’ll kick my ass for this. I don’t want him to feel like he’s being pushed out. I need to decide how we can do this. But maybe after a few months of college, he’ll move on, and then it can just be us.”
Reaching forward, Emily cups my face. It stops the words from tumbling out, halts every thought in my head that’s spinning and cycling like they were caught in a tornado. She silences me when she touches me because I can’t believe I’m good enough for her to touch.
“Damon…”