Page 203 of Anger

Loud music fills the space, only a few mechanics scattered about in the different bays, their tools clanging onto the concrete beneath them or a slew of cuss words murmuring beneath the music while fighting a seized bolt or something else.

Ezra and I could practically yell at each other for this private conversation, and nobody would hear us.

Leading me over to the back of the shop, he grabs me by the arms then pulls me close enough that our foreheads are touching.

His eyes meet mine, much like he’s done to me over the years when he’s being theolder brother.

“Tanner and Gabe told me that your girl ran circles around them yesterday on the ride back from Gabe’s plane.” He holds my stare, this conversation important to him. “And she did so without revealing a damn word you’ve said to her about our weekends away.”

I try to pull away from him, the subject not one I’m comfortable facing. It doesn’t matter that he went through those weekends, too. The fights have never been a subject we’ve openly talked about.

Yes, we acknowledge they happened. And yes, we’re there for each other when the nightmares hit and we lose our shit. We drag each other back from the edge when it’s necessary, our emotional states not always perfectly balanced.

But we still fight, too.

Sometimes I think we’re trying to destroy the reminder of those weekends by destroying each other.

His hands grip down on my arms, his forehead pressing to mine harder. I want to close my eyes and escape what he’s trying to say, but I can’t escape his voice no matter what I do. There’s no point looking away.

“My point is you’re finally talking. And while the memories you have are both our secrets, I’m giving you permission to speak your truth. My parts and yours. I think you finally found a woman you can admit everything to. And if she can go up against Tanner and Gabe and not break your trust, she’s got my approval for knowing what both of us were put through.”

I get what he’s saying.

More than protecting ourselves by keeping those secrets, we’re protecting each other, too.

“Did you ever tell Emily all of it?”

Ezra shakes his head. “No. You never told me I could.”

It’s like I told Blue when she was crying about her mom: some secrets are buried so deep that you have to rip them out in order to make yourself whole.

Ezra blinks, but locks his eyes with mine again. “I found my peace in my own way, Little Brother. Emily doesn’t need to know everything. But maybe your peace exists in finally admitting to someone what was done.”

And he’s giving me permission.

In all the years since the fights stopped, this is something neither of us have done.

Ezra releases me then takes a step back. “I hope that makes things easier.”

It had never occurred to me that my reluctance to talk was to protect my brother’s secrets, but now that he mentions it, maybe that’s part of the reason I’ve kept the memories to myself for so long.

I don’t have to answer Ezra for him to know I get what he’s saying. So rather than speaking another word, he bumps his fist against my shoulder then wanders back to the office, leaving me in the back of the shop.

Thinking about everything, I lose myself to all the events over the last few days, but two moments stick out to me the most.

Blue’s mom didn’t have that conversation with me to tell me she understood what I was going through. She’d taken me aside to tell me about her daughter and what it would take for Blue to trust.

More important than that, I made a promise that I’m damn well going to keep.

I don’t give a shit how hard Blue shoves me away. The last thing I’m going to do is let her get all twisted up in her head so that she drops everything and runs.

But first, I need a favor from Taylor. He better have his computer nearby because I’m about to turn the world on its head and create the home that neither Blue or I have ever had.

Amélie

After spending a day soaking in a tub surrounded by scented candles, and pampering myself more than I probably deserved, I managed to clear my head and come to a conclusion.

It’s all over at this point.

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