Page 64 of Anger

And so did Red.

In truth, all of us are fuckups.

The entire damn Inferno.

Tanner finally fixed his shit with Luca, but then Gabe’s war with Ivy reignited. I thought they were done with that shit in high school and that his only interest in her was to get to the governor and find out what the fuck is on the servers everybody wants so damn much.

It’s how we ended up in bumfuck nowhere at Emily’s family’s cabin in the first place. We went there to run Ivy to ground, and we left with so much resentment and hatred between us that it exploded into another argument with Ezra when we got home.

We decided to bedonewith Red again.

Except I know he’s lying.

He’ll never be done with her.

I’m starting to think those weekends away turned my brother into a sadist, his favorite target being the only girl who would kiss our bruises away after those fucked-up weekends.

After our argument, Ezra took off, and I was left at the house alone long enough to realize I’m slowly losing my mind over this.

I have nowhere I can go that’s just mine. No person I can turn to. Not a single soul who gives enough of a damn about me to take one second to realize how quickly my control is slipping through my fingers.

That’s my fault.

I did have one escape.

But, once again, I couldn’t find the right words to keep her.

They all swirled together in my head with the memories of those weekends until I said the wrong thing and got met with the business end of Blue’s foot for it.

Which sucks because she was the perfect escape.

One I’ve been searching for since Red left.

One I’ve been fighting myself not to run back to for the last three weeks.

One I’ve needed more and more with all the bullshit that’s happening.

She’s the only person who can endure my storm.

Not stop it like Red used to do.

Instead, Blue drags it out of me into the open, freeing me of the agonizing pressure of rage inside my head.

She can make me laugh when all I want to do is fight.

How she accomplishes it, I have no fucking clue.

Blue somehow leaves me with a few moments when I don’t feel like I’m about to destroy myself and everything around me.

I feel confusion instead.

I feel a desire to pull someone close to me rather than pushing everyone away.

Blue can see all the scars, both inside and out, even when all the guys I grew up with can’t.

Maybe that’s my fault again—for always smiling and joking around the guys.

Maybe if I just said something to them, they would forget about all the games they’re running to recognize I’m a timebomb that’s ready to explode.

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