Page 200 of Heresy

It’s a simple hug. Full-bodied and as tight as we can manage. But it feels like exactly what he needs right now.

More time passes in silence, his mind spinning and mine wondering if I’ll ever catch up.

Our hearts beat in unison, though.

I notice that.

Maybe for once it’s his panic that needs to be resolved, and although I’m not a strong set of arms that can lift him up and protect him, I’m the perfect opposite.

I’m a safe spot in his chaotic world, an island of peace he can escape to in this turbulent storm. I’m a soft spot where he’s strong. And I’ve never been a threat to him or used him like everyone else.

Shane

No matter what I do, I can’t win.

It doesn’t matter if I accomplish a task, protect someone I love, or anything else. Because every time I do what’s right, someone always ends up getting hurt by it in the end.

It’s enough to make me want to give up.

To stop trying.

To drive away as recklessly as possible. Drink myself stupid. Throw a shit ton of punches and then laugh my way into a hospital bed or jail cell because who gives a fuck?

It’s the same damn cycle, day in and day out, repeating with every week, every month and every year.

This cycle is getting old, and I’m over it.

Admitting what I did to everyone wasn’t my guilt finally getting to me or anything honorable. It was intended to hurt Luca, to knock her off her goddamned pedestal so she’d stop shitting on Brinley.

I’d chosen to protect my girl.

Fuck who it hurt in the process.

I know every Inferno member in there felt the sting of that betrayal, Tanner especially, but that’s what happens when we keep playing this game with our fathers with the ridiculous hope we may actually win this war.

There’s not a chance in hell we’ll succeed.

Our sperm donors have been playing these games a hell of a lot longer than us, and where we all still have somewhat of a conscience, our fathers have none. I have no doubt those old fucks would sell us off for spare body parts if they were more valuable to them than keeping us alive.

Tanner knows it.

Gabe knows.

Hell, all of them know it.

Why act so surprised that, through the years, they’ve found a way to play us against each other?

“Let’s run away,” I mumble against Brinley’s head, my cheek tucked against her hair as I breathe in the scent of her shampoo to calm down.

She hugs me tighter. “I wish we could.”

Huffing at that, I run my fingers down her spine and enjoy the way she wiggles in place. “Why can’t we?”

“Because we have responsibilities.”

Fuck responsibilities.

They only lead to more headaches and problems.

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