Page 12 of Most Eligible Boss

On quieter days in the office, though, I’d often find myself mesmerized by her long legs or the ample cleavage she allowed to slip out of certain blouses. On those days, I’d have to be extra careful not to let myself to look for too long, or Stacey would catch me and hit me with one of her best scolding facial expressions that reminded me of my mother when she’d catch me as a child, misbehaving in public.

I had promised Stacey that I would conduct this part of the review fairly and not let my attraction for Jill get in the way. As I stared at the page, I was struck by a new worry.

Jill was a lovely woman who was often too hard on herself. I also gathered over the last few weeks that Jill had recently escaped a situation significantly affecting her self-esteem. As I considered how to word my evaluation of her wardrobe, I was especially concerned about not embarrassing her.

“You dress very professionally and have taken past recommendations to heart,” I wrote. “Thank you for always being willing to accept constructive criticism. Your sense of style is one of the many things that lend to your congeniality with your teammates and make you a unique and fun addition to the team. The only further recommendation is to please review the wardrobe section of the employee handbook and ensure that all clothing meets our parameters for workplace modesty.”

I stared at my response, re-reading it three or four times to ensure it would not read as harshly. When fully satisfied that it would not hurt her feelings, I moved on to the following questions but reached a new problem.

I soon discovered that I was being perhaps extra lenient on other questions in a subconscious bid to “make up” for having to call her out on her wardrobe. I sighed, reading back over the answers, and changed a few to be fairer before printing two copies of the report, signing each, and placing one in a sealed envelope to give to Jill.

I stared at the reports on my desk and shook my head. I knew Stacey would criticize how soft I’d been. I worried Jill’s feelings would be hurt. Several times over the past few weeks, her eyes met mine, and we both held our gazes for a little longer than usual. I even began to allow myself to daydream about...highly unprofessional encounters as I would watch her work across the room. There was that moment last week as I was hunched over her shoulder, looking over some documents. She turned in a way that created almost no space between our lips. Our pause lasted a little too long for Stacey’s liking, but she wouldn’t tell me until after Jill had left.

I couldn’t understand why I had such a hard time being assertive over Jill. I had grown a fondness for her that was unusual for me with my employees, and it was a little alarming. Never in the past had I allowed my personal feelings for an employee to cloud my judgment or affect my ability to manage them properly.

I looked at the time. She’d be at work soon, and the first order of business for her day was to meet with me to finalize the presentation before we took our big business trip. I nervously slid her envelope around on my desk, anxious about giving it to her.

As if on cue, she came bounding through the door. She wore a gray skirt and jacket, pink heels, and a pink low-cut blouse that accentuated her curves. I looked her over, then quickly averted my eyes so I wouldn’t stare, no matter how much I wanted to.

As usual, my body responded to what I had seen, forcing me to shift awkwardly in my chair and take several deep, inconspicuous breaths to calm myself. A palpable tension was growing between us, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was feeling it, too. At times, I had even thought that her choice of outfits had something to do with her responding to - or even feeding- what was growing steadily in the energy we exchanged.

Somewhere along the way, we’d stopped trying to cover up the fact that we were attracted to each other. Everyone around us could see even as we followed every rule regarding not acting on these feelings. I was certain bets had been made on how long it would take for one or both of us to let the mask slip and show our cards. I continued to fantasize about Jill at home and take care of myself, moaning her name and hoping to ease our attraction, but it still wasn’t helping. The temptation was becoming too much for me. I wondered if Jill had to do the same at home. Did she touch herself, picturing us giving in to our desires?

When Jill walked into my office that morning, and I turned away, trying not to pay attention to how good she looked, I heard the click of my office door shut gently. Even before she spoke, I knew we had arrived at our day of reckoning.

“Can we talk?” she asked. Her voice was sweet and nervous. I didn’t turn to face her right away. I stared at my computer monitor, pretending I was focused on reading whatever e-mail was pulled up.

“Sure,” I answered after some hesitation, then turned and looked into her gorgeous face, gesturing for her to take a seat.

She smiled and slipped into the chair on the adjacent side of my desk, then bit her lip nervously as she tried to choose words.

“I was just wondering last night if you and I going on this trip alone together is the best thing to do?”

Her voice was shaky and nervous, like she knew she was tiptoeing across a line, but with the understanding that she didn’t have another option. It was a necessary conversation. We both knew that.

I cleared my throat, then answered her just as nervously. “I know there are workplace rumors. You and I haven’t done anything wrong, though. We know a mutual attraction is here, but we can’t blur those lines. We have maintained our professionalism, and I am confident we can continue to do so.”

She sighed, allowing her facial expression to shift to something that was both relief and disappointment. I could relate. I felt that way, myself.

“Of course, we can stay professional,” she said, nodding. “I’m just worried. I don’t want anyone to accuse you of being sketchy or accuse me of not earning my way around here; honestly, you know?”

I nodded.

“Would you rather we not attend the conference together? I can send Stacey in my place if you’d like. I would never want you to feel uncomfortable, but you need to make that presentation. You’ve worked very hard on it.”

I offered, secretly hoping she would not take me up on it. I wanted to go to Boston with Jill and spend time with her.

She leaned back in her seat, biting her lip and wrinkling her brow as she thought. It was an expression I’d seen her make countless times before, and each time was as adorable as the last. I looked away from her again so she wouldn’t feel me staring, though it was increasingly difficult not to.

“No,” she finally answered. “I think we should both go. If you pull out of the conference now, that will make people talk more. Everyone has known for a few weeks that we would do this, right? Even before there were rumors, we announced this. For you to decide not to come now would make it look like something’s happened and there’s been some fallout. I don’t want anything that will increase the talk. We’ll just let them whisper until they find something else to talk about. It shouldn’t take long, should it?”

I chuckled. “No, it shouldn’t. We’re in the business of managing situations through gossip. Your answer has confirmed everything I suspected about you being the right person for this job. We will keep our heads up; it will be business as usual. You’re right. They’ll move on soon.”

She smiled at me. “Thank you. I just needed to talk it out, I guess.”

“Anytime,” I smiled back.

We both slid our chairs back. She turned toward her worktable and pulled up her laptop to complete the finishing touches on the presentation. I stood up from my desk and grabbed my coffee cup, having decided to walk next door for a refill.

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