Page 285 of A Realm of Shattered Lies

And I don’t know that if she gives me the option, I’ll have the strength to turn it down.

Blaise’s expression goes distant. “My heart. That’s what the shadow told you, wasn’t it? That the ashes of a night stalker’s heart could grant immortality? That they could bring back the dead?”

“She could have been lying,” I say, but my words come out flat. Unconvincing, even to myself.

Already I’m considering which course of action gives Asha the best chance: waiting for Blaise to offer her heart on her own, or ripping it from her chest before she has a chance to change her mind.

Blaise shakes her head. “I don’t think she was lying. When I was little, my father used to tell me scary stories. Some were about shadow sirens. He always said they kept their immortality by feasting on the souls of the dead.” She lets out a nervous laugh. “I guess the details got misconstrued by the time the story got to my father, but they were close enough.”

In a blink, Blaise is on the ground next to me, taking my hand and placing it at her chest. Tears brim in her wide brown eyes. “What are you waiting for, Kiran? Get your wife back,” she rasps.

And how I want to. How I want to pry Blaise’s ribcage open before she realizes just what she’s offering.

I want to whisper, “Thank you,” as I quench the life from Blaise’s eyes.

But I don’t. Instead I whisper, “Do you truly hate yourself that much?”

Blaise takes in a deep breath, her ribs expanding underneath my hand, which she still clutches. “No. No, not anymore.” She lets out a shaky laugh. “Please don’t mistake this for self-pity or shame. That won’t bode well for me, trust me. I just… I did this. I signed Asha’s fate when I chose my happiness over her safety, when I handed her over to Az. When I forced her to open the Rip. And Asha’s not the only one who’s paid for what I did. So please. When Nox asks, please tell him it wasn’t self-pity. I just…” She lets out a long exhale. “I just had to grow up at some point. Take responsibility, you know?”

I don’t miss the double edge of her statement, and the meaning saws at my ribcage.

I nod, and Blaise coughs out a sob. She closes her eyes, straining her cheeks as she braces herself. “Just tell Nox I love him, if it’s not too much trouble.”

My hands tremble. For a moment I wonder if I’ll have the strength to do this, so I turn and look for help from the woman who’s taught me so much.

She’s so still, and it’s so wrong. It’s not right that someone so vibrant should already be draining of color, robbed of movement.

I wonder if she knew a few moments ago what she now knows about death, if she would have been afraid.

If, over a year ago, she would have sacrificed herself, marched up to the palace like she did and demanded the vizier take her as my bride in place of the people.

Something tells me yes.

So with tears streaming down my face, I gently push Blaise away.

I don’t miss the catch in her breath, the relief when I don’t end her. “Why?”

A lump swells in my throat. “Because you’re not the one who sealed Asha’s fate. You’re not even second in line. It was me, when I made that wretched decree. And it was her, when she chose everyone else over herself.”

Blaise doesn’t say anything. She just stands, legs shaking, then treads back over to Az, keeping watch over him as he slumps against the marble floor, eyes glazed over as he stares at Asha’s body.

“I love you, Asha,” I say, brushing my wife’s face with the back of my palm, hoping, praying to the Fates that I’ve made the correct choice.

I want to scream, want to burst into flames, let the anger roll off of me, but my Flame is no longer, and still the tears burn hot down my cheeks.

There is nowhere for the agony to go. Nowhere to send it. It simply burrows deeper, searing holes in my bones and tissue, devouring me from the inside, eating away at my gut.

Something about the pain sends my father’s words ringing through my head.

Don’t worry, son. Look to your gut for answers. It won’t lead you astray.

My hand finds my stomach, as though my body feels the walls of it will burst if I don’t hold them together.

For a moment, I stop breathing.

No one gasps, no one lifts a finger, no one moves, as I take the dagger from Asha’s chest and plunge it into my stomach.

It stops when it hits something firm.

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