Page 180 of A Realm of Shattered Lies

Actually, I think I’d been too consumed in my worry over Nox’s life to have much of a reaction to the gossip.

That had been right after I Turned, and my feelings had vacillated through spells of extreme apathy, to extreme anguish, to extreme desire.

But then Kiran and Evander had spoken of Piper, how she was being transported in the care of Princess Lydia, and I suppose I had found myself disgusted with her.

I’d thought of her as Clarissa, really. Or, at least, the picture of Clarissa I’d held in my mind all those years. The woman willing to sell a stolen child for enough coin to buy herself a frilly dress.

But then I’d met Amity, seen the adoration she held for Piper, her adoptive mother, whom she missed so terribly, and I’d come to question how I felt about the other woman.

Of course, I’d had more pressing issues on my mind at the time, so if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t spent too much time pondering the ethics of the woman now trudging through the woods before me.

I’d been thinking of Nox.

But Nox is gone, and I can’t bear to think of him any longer.

So the ethics of a child kidnapper, it is.

“You risked your husband’s life back there.” My voice cracks with disuse, much like the brambles under our feet. “In saving me, rather than stopping Nox from killing Abra. Why?”

I’m not sure why the words come out so sharp, so accusatory. I don’t mean for them to, but it’s like the pain inside me has swollen to the point of being too big for my body. It’s punching through my skin, spouting out my mouth and searching for the nearest target with a heart to shred.

Piper doesn’t bother looking back at me. Even in the moonlight, she’s impossible not to see. I think that would be the case even without my sharp vision, with that cascading vibrant red hair of hers. “I trust Amity will find a way to save him.”

“That’s a lot of pressure to put on a child.”

Piper sighs, and pauses a moment with her hand on the branch she’s holding out of my way. “I know. It’s not my preference.”

We travel in silence for a while, when she asks quietly, “How are they?”

I hesitate to reply. I’ve already told Piper about the Rip being opened; I just haven’t mentioned the role I played.

“It’s been weeks since I traveled with them,” I say, but a hint of desperation peeks through her gaze and guilt floods my chest. I shouldn’t have brought this up, caused her more pain than necessary. I don’t even know why I did, other than the incessant need to feel that someone is hurting as much as I am. Or the need to know I’m not alone in making choices that hurt my loved ones. “But last I saw them, Amity was working on something to save him. She thought she might be close.”

“And Marcus?”

“Marcus…” A lie waits on my tongue, but I find it feels crueler than even the truth. “His condition had worsened by the time I left. Though he put up quite a fight when the Others attacked. I…I imagine you would have been proud to see the way he protected Amity. The way he protected all of us.” I admit it to myself more than her.

Piper’s smile is strained, like she’s holding back tears, but she seems grateful all the same. “He’s a protector. He can’t help himself. It must be killing him, knowing Amity is fretting over him.”

I nod, not knowing quite what to say.

After a while and much contemplation, I find I can’t hold the words in. The ones that are dying to burst through my chest.

“Why did you do it?” I ask, because the question is clawing at my insides, chewing on my very soul.

“Why did I do what?”

“Why didn’t you protect the only real hope of saving Marcus?”

“Abra wasn’t the only hope,” Piper repeats, her tone wary. Is she wary of me, or her own motivations?

“I don’t think you actually believe that.”

Piper whips around to face me, her red curls blazing, but it’s nothing compared to the fury in her ivy-green eyes.

As soon as the rage appears, it’s gone, and her shoulders sag. “It worries me. That I didn’t save his only hope of surviving.”

“Then why did you do it? Why save me when you could have tried to stop Nox from killing Abra?” It feels like I’m asking for the millionth time, but I have to know, have to understand.

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