Page 241 of A Realm of Shattered Lies

Nox disregards my plea, and I know I’m done for.

He doesn’t touch me. But he approaches me all the same.

“Blaise. I’m…I’m so sorry.”

It’s then that my heart officially cracks, because it’s the confirmation of what I’ve feared, what I should have known from the beginning.

Nox might desire my body, but he doesn’t love me, and he never will.

I shouldn’t, but I meet his gaze, and his pale ice-blue eyes are melting with sorrow, and I think I might drown in the pain as I hold my breath to stop my sobs from escaping.

He doesn’t love me he doesn’t love me he doesn’t love me.

It’s the type of thing I feel I won’t survive, though I know I should be stronger than that.

I stare at my hands, twiddling my thumbs like I think if I can keep them occupied long enough, I can prevent them from roaming Nox’s body.

His finger slides under my chin, lifting my face to look at him.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again, but this time he’s not done, “that I wasn’t clearer about my intentions.”

My heart stutters, but I don’t have the energy to stop him.

“I thought I made it clear, Blaise, when I offered the bloodsharing ritual to you again.” He runs his other hand through his hair. “I see now how stupid that was of me. Of course, you’d just see that as something done out of lust. I’m realizing now I should have picked something less…passionate.” His pale cheeks twinge red at that, making my chest flutter. “But Blaise, listen to me. I didn’t initiate the bloodsharing ritual with you in a fit of passion. It wasn’t unintentional, at least not on my part. I’m sorry…I’m sorry if it was for you. I never meant to rope you into it if it wasn’t something you truly wanted.” He bites the inside of his cheek, like he can’t bear to ask me whether that’s true. “I just…I had time to think when I was chasing you down in the desert. About all you’ve done, all you’ve given up for me. And I remembered falling for you, even if I couldn’t access the feelings—I remembered the why. Then when I found you, and the Fates had spared you, I knew I’d be an idiot not to give my everything to you. And that’s what it is, the bloodsharing ritual, to me, at least. I realize now that might not be what it is to you. I probably should have actually said that…” He smiles a bit, though it’s the type that tells me he’s beating himself up.

“It’s not that I don’t want it,” I say. “It’s just that I want something I can’t have. And I don’t want you to feel some duty to me, like you have to bind yourself to me when your heart isn’t in it.”

He frowns, but then he smiles, and there’s something wry about it.

“Since when can we not put our heart into duty, Blaise?”

I bristle. “It’s not exactly the most romantic notion in the world.”

Nox sighs, then sits next to me, his thigh brushing against mine and lingering there, making it difficult to focus. “I’m sorry I left you, Blaise. I don’t deserve to even be in this room with you. Don’t deserve for you to let me be this close to you.”

I shrug. “It’s not your fault you don’t love me anymore. That you never can. It’s not even the Old Magic’s. It’s mine. I brought this upon myself.”

Nox frowns. His hand goes to his pocket, and his forehead furrows, like he can’t quite make a decision.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he says.

“About what?”

“If you think I can’t love you anymore.”

“Nox, you can’t just will away a curse placed by the Old Magic, any more than the fae can will away the lying curse.”

“I know that. But I don’t think the Old Magic cursed me never to love you again.”

I let out a wry laugh. “Then what is it you think he did?”

“I think he took away the feeling of being in love.”

My heart feels damp. Tired. “Maybe you’re right, technically it’s not the same, but practically—”

“Practically, it’s not the same at all.”

“Is it not?”

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