Page 144 of A Throne of Blood and Ice

Either way, the queen cares for Nox. Even if it is in some twisted, morose manner.

“If I agree, you have to honor your bargain with him,” I say, and the queen’s shoulders relax, because though I haven’t directly responded to her offer, this is answer enough. “It’s not his fault the parasite disappeared. He extracted the parasite from my body, just as you agreed. He did his best. If I do this, releasing Nox’s sister from her curse is part of the bargain. And you can’t go after him when he leaves with her.”

She pauses, scraping her fingernail against the engraved swirl in her armrest. “I suppose I should have expected as much,” is all she says with a flit of her hand.

In a slight hint of rebellion, I say, “I, Blaise, agree to leave the palace in exchange for information on where my stepmother resides and for you to consider Nox’s side of the bargain fulfilled.”

The queen quirks an eyebrow. “You agree to leave, and never again return for my son.”

A cry rings out in the back of my mind, the gentle sob of the human girl I once was. The ache of knowing I’ll never see him again.

It’s just not as loud as the sound of my baby crying, the only thing at all that feels as though it might steer me through this dark and dreadful world of night.

My throat catches, but I force out the words anyway. “I agree never to return for Nox.”

It’s one last bit of rebellion—saying his true name.

The queen rises from her throne, her snowy white skirts billowing behind her as she reaches out to hold both of my hands.

Her fingers are ice to the touch.

“In exchange, I agree to tell you the location of your mother,” she says, and I feel the bond lock into place. I glare at her, and she adds, “As well as consider Nox’s side of the bargain fulfilled.”

If I were capable of it, I might feel a bit sick.

The feeling is worsened when the queen tells me of my stepmother’s location, and I realize that though the queen is incapable of lying, she’s still managed to trick me just as easily without it.

CHAPTER47

NOX

Iwatch Blaise as she leaves the throne room.

She has the set to her shoulders of a woman who has left behind a burden.

I suppose she’s leaving, which is exactly what I want for her.

But wanting it for her is not the same as wanting it for me, and I can’t ignore the hurt that pierces my chest when I realize I’m the burden she’s leaving behind.

So as I watch her walk away, it’s like watching my soul being rent in two.

I’ve workedmyself into an irate state by the time I burst into the queen’s throne room.

She’s leaning back against the headboard of the throne, her lithe body slouched against the polished silver, her eyes closed in what must be a fleeting moment of peace.

When my footsteps ricochet across the frozen river that carves her throne room in mismatched halves, she jerks awake, her back snapping into its rigid upright position.

“Ah. Farin,” she says as if she was expecting someone else and is relieved it’s only me. Only Farin. Her son who is not her son.

I’m not in the mood for formalities. The queen has been evading me ever since Blaise woke from her Turning. I’d been so distressed as Blaise writhed upon that altar, so convinced she wouldn’t survive the harsh magic that ripped her body apart and stitched it back together, I hadn’t dared to call in my bargain with the queen.

At the time, I’d felt I could only ask the Fates for so much at one time, and though I was convinced Zora would live on through the remainder of the week, I felt all the Fates’ attention must be directed toward Blaise.

Blaise who had let me kill her.

Blaise who had lied to me.

Blaise who left.

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