Page 4 of Why Not Me?

“Allie. Allie!” Landon’s concerned voice breaks through the pain of the memory and I’m once again lost in his blue eyes. My voice seems to have completely disappeared.

“Allie, you need to tell me you’re okay. Is there anyone I can call?” His gaze is concerned as I stare at him blankly, fine creases forming between his brows when I still don’t say anything.

Shaking my head, I drop my eyes to my hands to release the hold his gaze has on me.

“I’m okay. And no, I don’t want to call anyone.” The words are choked out, full of pain but not from the impact of his car rear-ending mine.

I should call Brendan, but I need to get my shit together first.

Brendan.

It was four months after Landon tore out my heart that he managed to break his way in. We shared a university class and became fast friends, his sweet, genuine demeanor so likeable. I knew he liked me, but I wasn’t in a position to open my heart again.

By the end of the semester, I knew he was in love with me. I didn’t return the feelings, but my soul fed off the way he made me feel—loved and safe. A year later and he asked me out. We’ve been together ever since. His steadfast personality, his genuine and kind soul eventually won my heart. A comfort I crave right now.

Closing my eyes, I ground myself before standing and pressing my back into my car cringing when I look back up at him. My body is tense, my head throbbing. I can’t differentiate between the physical and emotional pain I’m experiencing right now.

“Crap, I knew I hit you hard.” Landon’s fingers brush over my forehead where I’m sure a ghastly bruise is forming before he lowers them to gently press into my neck.

Every muscle stiffens as he probes, the pressure of his fingers sending tingles down my spine. My body remembers exactly what those fingers are capable of. “Please stop, I’m okay,” I whisper, not bothering to try and hide my anguish.

“No, you’re not.” He drops his hand, the frustration in his voice making it rough. “Look, it’s cold and I have an appointment to make. Here’s my information and here’s my business card. You’re going to come and see me tomorrow for an assessment at ten in the morning. If you don’t show up, I’ll come to you.”

He shoves a business card and piece of paper into my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine until they’re closed.

My hand tingles as he takes his away, turning and walking back to his car. I watch him the entire way, my eyes devouring the sight as every inch of me hurts more the further he moves away. He looks back at me when he reaches his door, his eyes never leaving mine as he gets into his car and sits there, waiting.

Swallowing hard, I drop back into my seat, shut my car door, and drive away without even examining the exterior damage. My predictable life has managed to change directions so abruptly that I feel like everything is about to be overturned.

Watching Allie drive away was more painful than when I broke my leg three years ago, and almost as painful as telling her we couldn’t be together. She’s been a constant in my mind since the last morning I saw her.

Allie’s skin is silky under my fingertips as I rub her back. She moans, pressing back. I increase the pressure, her low groans turning me on. Hell, everything she does turns me on.

“I’m going to end it with Melissa, tonight when you’re out with Blake and Dawn.” Pressing my lips between her shoulder blades, I talk into her skin.

She turns in my arms, the smile on her face brilliant. “Really?”

Kissing her, I hold her close. “Yes. I love you. I don’t want to be with anyone else. It’s something I should’ve done a long time ago, I’m sorry. I know you haven’t felt good about all of this.”

Her face fills with guilt. “I feel like such a horrible person. I hate being the ‘other woman.’”

I hate the fact that I’ve made her the “other woman.” She’s shown a lot of patience while I try to figure out how to end things with Melissa, but truth be told I haven’t been ready and I should’ve told Allie I wasn’t, but then she would’ve moved on and I just couldn’t handle that thought either. If I am really honest with myself, I’ve been a selfish ass.

“Tonight, I’ll fix all of this. I promise.” She smiles when she hears how sure I sound. It’s time I make this right.

That night I not only broke my promise, but I also broke both of our hearts.

Seeing her today, everything about us just came flooding back. She still makes my heart speed up, her soft voice is a caress on my strained nerves. The flush that fills her cheeks when we look at each other is still there, and the craving to talk to her and hold her and laugh with her, it’s a physical need.

Whenever I try to banish thoughts of Allie away to dissect later, my mind fails me. She might not even be the same woman I remember, time changes people, yet the feeling I had the first time I saw her is the exact same one I had when I saw her today.

Like my soul recognized its missing piece.

Tomorrow I’ll be able to spend some real time with her, maybe I can finally give her the apology she deserves and not a pathetic one given over the phone after coldly ending things.

I can’t stop hope from filling my head, maybe I’ll finally get the second chance I’ve craved all these years. I know from stalking her social media there was a boyfriend at one point, but her profile picture has been the same for over a year now, one of her standing next to a waterfall, so maybe he’s out of the picture.

When I get home, I log in and search for Allie’s social media profiles. I can’t help it. I wish her profile wasn’t as secure as it is, even though I know it’s smart.

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