Page 39 of Why Not Me?

Allie drops her forehead to my shoulder, a breathy chuckle rushing from her lips. “We lost most of our water to the floor.”

We both look over to where water covers the tile. Shrugging, Allie lifts from me and positions herself on the other side of the tub facing me, splashing me with a giggle.

We don’t get out of the tub until the water is cold, talking about anything and everything that comes to mind. We finally drain the tub, but when I try to clean up the mess on the floor, Allie grabs my hand and pulls me to her bed.

We crawl under the covers, lying on our sides facing each other.

“Tell me something I don’t know. Something you don’t share often.” Her eyes are intense, the hazel more green than usual, and it feels like she sees everything.

At first, that feeling intimidates me, but then I realize I want her to see everything. I want her to know me like no other.

“Two years after I ended us, I looked you up. I couldn’t get you out of my head, things with Melissa were awful, and I just wanted to see you. So, I went to the university and found you. You were sitting alone in the library, at your favorite corner table, and you were so beautiful and focused. It felt like I could breathe again. And then, before I could summon the courage to approach you, Brendan took the empty chair next to you. The way your eyes lit up, the brilliance of your smile, I couldn’t take that away from you again. I went back home to Melissa and never told anyone, until now.” My voice is sad, the weight of what I lost hit extra hard as I stood frozen watching them.

Recalling that day is painful. It was the first moment I saw what I could have had. Instead, I went home to Melissa. We were both so miserable but too stubborn to end things for our own reasons.

Anytime I contemplated ending things with Melissa, I thought about that moment and forced myself to stay.

“I can’t believe you tried to see me.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, her eyes soft. “It’s been quite the journey, but I’m so glad we’re here now.”

Kissing her, I cup her cheek. “Me too. Sometimes things just have a way of working out.”

She inches closer, resting her cheek against my chest. Her eyes close as I stroke her back in soft, rhythmic circles.

I catalogue this moment in my mind, it’s the moment I realize that Allie still loves me despite everything. Opening my mouth, I start to say the words but I bite them back. I want to wait until our vacation.

Glancing at my phone, I frown when I notice that Blake and Dawn are fifteen minutes late. Not unusual for Blake, but completely out of the ordinary for Dawn. Come to think of it, they both sounded off last night when I firmed up our plans.

With me moving and most of my time occupied with Landon or work, we haven’t spent as much time together, neglecting our biweekly pedicure and dinner dates.

I know I need to leave the Landon fog I’ve been in, despite the bliss I’ve been experiencing with him. I’ve found it easier to ignore the guilt I have over how happy I am when I’m not around reminders of my life with Brendan.

Sadly, that has included Blake and Dawn. That’s going to change today.

I finally see them walking toward me, my smile falling when I see the glower on Blake’s face as Dawn talks to her, gesturing wildly. Dawn is flushed, her expression worried as they both finally notice me.

What’s going on?

“Hey!” I smile, cocking my head when the both turn forced grins in my direction. “Okay, I know I’ve been a little distant lately, but I hope you can forgive me.” My tone is contrite.

“Aww, Allie, we know. We’re not mad that you’ve been a little preoccupied over the last bit.” Blake gives me a hug, and a real smile. “Trust me, I would have been disappointed if you didn’t disappear into a sex-fueled frenzy after you’ve been pining for that man for so long. Besides, you had your grieving time. You did things in the right order.”

I’m confused by the look she shoots in Dawn’s direction.

“So—what’s going on then.” My voice is laced with curiosity and a little irritation. They’ve been acting weird now for a while and I feel like I’m in the middle without having any information.

Blake opens the door to the salon, exchanging another look with Dawn as we pass. “Don’t worry about it. Sister stuff. I’ll tell you about it after you come back from your vacation with Landon.”

Turning, I give Dawn a hug while we wait for someone to greet us. She feels tense and when I pull away, I notice a glassy sheen to her eyes.

Before I can ask, she shakes it off and gives me a small smile. “How are things going with Landon?”

“Good, overall. It’s hard not to have doubts, especially after the last time, but it feels right. I feel guilty though, like I’m happy too soon after things ended with Brendan. And I also feel guilty because I miss him.” I sigh, relieved to be able to talk about this with my two closest girlfriends.

“You do?” Dawn whispers, a weird edge to her voice.

“Well, yeah, not inthatway, but he was my best friend. He knew basically everything about me and we spent nearly every day together for so many years. I think I feel it more because our friendship was the best part of our relationship and that’s why we could part as well as we did, minus a few hiccups.” Shrugging, I pause as a smiling woman finally comes to the front.

We follow her to the chairs, three foot baths ready to go with steaming water. As we get situated, I continue to watch my friends closely. Something weird is going on and I feel like I’m involved somehow.

---