Page 15 of Why Not Me?

“Yeah.” We start walking as she checks the list in her hand. I glance at her, before trying to sound nonchalant as I say, “You’ve been pretty quiet for the last four days.”

I know I’m transparent as soon as she glances sideways at me, her lips twitching.

“I know. Work’s been intense. We finally hired a new developer and we’re briefing her on the park we’ve been planning. We want to ensure everything is set for spring. Especially since it was supposed to be completed already.” She presses a hand into my side to nudge me toward a bookstore.

I follow her inside as she wanders through the aisles. “That must be a relief.”

“It is, but I don’t want to talk about work.” She makes an adorable face, stopping at a rack to flip through a selection of notebooks. She pauses in her perusal to look at me. “I wasn’t avoiding you.”

I chuckle as she returns her focus to the notebooks, moving along the shelf until she sees something she likes. “I didn’t ask.”

“Didn’t you?” She flips through the pages of a book she’s picked up before setting it back on the shelf. She turns to look at me, adjusting the strap of her purse on her shoulder. Her words are quiet, but hit me straight in the gut. “If our roles were reversed, that’s what I would’ve been thinking.”

She takes the notebook she was looking at and, with one last glance at me, heads toward the front counter.

Following her, we’re quiet until we’re back out into the bustling crowd of the mall. She’s right, I did think she was avoiding me, and I don’t think she’s being entirely truthful when she says she wasn’t. I think she’s scared of our lingering feelings toward each other and the fact that life seems to be bringing us down a familiar path. I don’t know how to reassure her, other than show her we won’t put ourselves in that position again.

“Your birthday is coming up. What do you have planned?” We stop to grab some coffee, sitting at one of the small round tables overlooking the fountains in the center of the mall. It’s oddly reminiscent of when we met, except neither of us are attempting to study anything but each other.

“Ugh. I don’t want to do anything, it’s supposed to snow all weekend and I just want to hibernate the whole time, but Brendan is insisting on planning a party.” The smile pulling at her lips takes away the bite of her words.

I never got to celebrate a birthday with her. Never got to plan a gift or something fun to do. Another thing we missed out on and this time I get to be a bystander in her life. It fills me with an annoying sense of melancholy. I feel like an emo teenager, not a grown ass man.

As we sit and drink coffee, we discuss our plans for the holidays and weird traditions our families have. I’ve spent so much time fighting my attraction, I forgot how much fun we have when we’re hanging out and chatting.

After we finish our coffee we get through the rest of Allie’s list before she drags me into a hat store. She disappears to the back and when she reappears she’s wearing the most ridiculous hat I’ve ever seen. It’s lime green with actual metal locks and feathers, a weird combination, and one of those nets that covers half her face.

“Who would buy that?” We laugh, much to the annoyance of the staff member passing us.

I see a hipster version of a lumberjack hat, snag it off the shelf and plop it on my head while striking a pose. Allie disappears again, returning with what looks like aMuppeton her head.

“I always pass this store and laugh at some of the weird hats, but never come in.” She giggles as we find different ones to try on. She looks adorably sexy in all of them, her cheeks flushed with happiness.

After thirty minutes of playing, we leave the store with huge smiles on our faces. Allie checks the time, sending a quick text before she reaches for her bags. “I better go. I had so much fun shopping this afternoon.”

“I did too. It was nice to get away from my brothers.” I roll my eyes, smiling. “I’ll walk you to your car.”

She grins as we leave, chatting about things we pass as we walk. After we reach her car and her purchases are safely stowed away, I give her a quick hug before opening her door. “I hope you have a great night. If it’s not too weird, I would love to come celebrate your birthday with you and your friends.”

She beams at me. “I’d love that.”

Picking up my phone, I open my calendar and scan my day. Joining Brendan in the kitchen, I look at him and grimace. “I have six meetings today, six. It’s insane. And the very first one, we get to sit down with our investors and present our new timeline while simultaneously asking for more money. Fun, right?”

Shaking my head, I smile, because as much as my job can be stressful, and six meetings will lead to coffee breaks spent at my desk, I love my job. I couldn’t ask for better coworkers, and I couldn’t be more invested in making our town a better place.

Sitting down, I devour the oatmeal waiting for me. Brendan’s oatmeal is homemade, with cinnamon, chunks of apple, and he even slices a banana to add to mine.

“At least things are moving forward now.” He sits next to me, his tone encouraging.

“Yeah, that eases some of my frustrations. I hate being stagnant.” Pausing when my phone dings, I see Landon sent me a text.

It’s a photo of PeeWee laying on his back with a stuffed bear tucked in between his front legs. He’s fast asleep, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

Chuckling, I quickly type out an “aww,” before continuing my thought. “It’s the worst feeling.”

When I glance at Brendan, he has a faraway look in his eyes and his brows are furrowed. He looks worried, like he’s carrying a hefty burden.

When my phone pings again, the furrow deepens. He hasn’t said anything about my friendship with Landon, and our relationship has been better lately, so I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into his look. I’ve been trying so hard to show him I care, I don’t know what else I can do.

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