Page 21 of Holiday Grief

And what had brought on this meltdown when he’d thought things between them were going so well?

Chapter Seven

December 15th

9:32 A.M.

She was miserable.

Had she overreacted?

Jasmine knew that wasn’t even really a question.

Of course, she had.

Panic.

She’d panicked.

It wasn’t even really to do with the picture of Adam’s wife. Sure, it had been a shock, and yeah, she’d had a moment where she had wondered if she was some sort of replacement, but in the end, it wasn’t why she had bolted.

Nope.

The reason she had bolted was because she was a coward.

She ran when she should stand and fight.

This wasn’t the first time she’d done that. Shame had kept her from properly reconnecting with her family after she’d managed to escape. How could they love and forgive her, when she couldn’t even love or forgive herself?

Then a few nights ago when she’d been babysitting Claire, she’d gotten a picture of what life could have been like if her daughter hadn't died. There wouldn’t have been any picture-perfect life if she hadn't escaped. She knew what would have happened to her baby. It would either have been abandoned or sold, but knowing she was pregnant had tipped her hand, and she would have gotten out of the life she’d been trapped in.

Maybe if she had, she could have had the kind of life Adam was offering.

The kind of life she still struggled to believe that she deserved.

Jasmine felt like she was a basket case. Trapped. That’s how she felt. Tied to the past because it wasn’t completely in the past. There was still a threat hanging over her head. If he ever found her, he would kill her. It had always been a risk staying so close to home, but she’d thought he would be too scared to come back here and make a move on her if he even thought she would stay here. Likely he thought she had long since fled, and given it had been six years since she escaped and he hadn't come after her, he probably wouldn’t ever find her.

But what if he did?

That thought hovered constantly at the back of her mind.

Could she stay with Adam knowing she might be putting him and his daughter at risk?

How would she survive knowing she was responsible for the death of a good man and his sweet little girl?

That wasn’t the only thought hovering constantly in her mind. Should she tell Adam about her past? If she did, it would effectively end any chance they might get back together, but perhaps that wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. Maybe she just wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship. Or she could tell her brother. He was an FBI agent. He might be able to do something to end the threat to her once and for all.

It was probably the smart move, but that plan had a major roadblock.

It might mean losing everything.

Adam had fought for her so far, but would he continue to do so if he knew how stupid she’d been, the terrible things she’d done, and how she hadn't protected her unborn baby? Her big brother said her family would love her no matter what, that nothing could change that, but was it really true?

Sensing her emotions, Fauna nudged at her knee, licking her hand when she went to pet the dog. She was a big girl now, fully grown, mature, so very empathetic, and well trained. Jasmine had taken advantage of Adam’s friend’s offer to help her continue Fauna’s training. While her girl might not have been a good police dog, she was an amazing guard dog. Young as she still was, she had taken to that training and was as protective as could be of Jasmine.

“It’s okay, girl. I’ll be okay,” she assured the dog, determined to somehow make it true. “Ready to go back home?”

Finding a quiet place on her property at this time of year, a mere ten days away from Christmas was next to impossible, but this little spot where Adam had set up the campfire on their first date was her special spot. No one came here because it wasn’t part of the public space, and her staff had no reason to be out there either. Coming out here wasn’t a good idea, not if she wanted to get over Adam, but she couldn’t seem to stay away these last few days since she’d made a clean break of things with Adam and Claire.

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