Page 15 of Holiday Grief

By the time she was the oldest in the home—Jett gone, her older sister who was six years older than her gone, and the twin brothers who were three years older gone—their mom had forbidden anything but school, a job, and chores. Watching her four oldest kids dedicate themselves to their schoolwork and then college, Mom had decided that she wanted the three younger kids to do the same.

Which meant no boyfriends.

At sixteen, a boyfriend had seemed way more important in her pre-mistake life than in her post-mistake life.

Running away had been stupid, and she couldn’t blame it on being young. She had known better, but she’d done it anyway, she just hadn't understood the world was a dark and evil place.

Two years of hell had educated her on that real quick.

“Mom is disappointed you're not coming to Thanksgiving dinner,” Jett said without preamble. He was the closest thing she remembered to a father, but he was so disapproving, so judgmental that it was hard to spend time around him. If he’d ever made her feel like something other than a spoiled disappointment, then maybe she would have gone to him when she needed help.

“I never go,” she reminded him. At eighteen when she’d finally escaped, she’d made contact with her family at the encouragement of a social worker to let them know she was still alive, but those two years stood between them, a silent, unseen barrier, but a barrier nonetheless.

He tutted. “You’re twenty-four years old now, Jasmine, not a baby any longer. And we’ve all heard around town that you’ve been dating Adam Abram even if you never told any of us. I think if you believe you're mature enough to be a mother to a little girl, you can come to Thanksgiving with your family.”

His words lanced through her heart so hard she winced, feeling physical pain.

For a moment the disapproving look left her brother’s face, replaced by one of concern.

Every single day she battled against her fear at the thought of being a mom to Claire. She loved that little girl, loved the child’s father too even if she’d never said the words out loud, but that didn't mean this was easy for her.

“Are you okay?” Jett asked.

Words were beyond her right now so she just nodded.

It wasn’t true, of course, but maybe one day it could be.

The more time she spent with Adam, the more she believed in fairytales and the life he offered.

“If you're in trouble you can tell me, you know that don’t you?” Jett asked his voice softened now.

No.

She didn't know it.

If she told him that because of her youthful stupidity she was in danger for life, he’d only remind her just how very stupid she’d been. As if she didn't know that already.

When she said nothing, Jett sighed, the concern gone, back to being the judgmental older brother. “You're not coming, are you?”

Jasmine shook her head.

Even if she’d been having doubts this conversation had convinced her she was doing the right thing.

Jett turned and walked toward his car.

The distance between her and her family hurt. She didn't like it, she just didn't believe knowing her story would change their opinion of her.

“It would help if you weren't all so judgmental,” Jasmine blurted out.

Her big brother froze, turned slowly to face her, then looked over at the car where Savannah, his pregnant wife, and two-year-old son were sitting. She knew her brother had made mistakes that had almost cost him the woman he loved. “We all make mistakes, Jassy. The important thing is we learn from them.”

“I learned,” she murmured. Boy, had she learned.

“Then why don’t you ever spend time with us?”

“Because I'm afraid that if you know what happened you won't just not like me, you all won't love me anymore.” The admission hurt, and it was the first time she’d said it out loud, but it brought with it a sense of freedom.

Jett closed the distance between them, picked her up, and hugged her hard. “Nothing in the world could make us not love you, Jassy. Thanks for telling me what you need from us. I’ll make sure we give it to you so you're sitting around the table next Thanksgiving.”

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