Page 74 of Unfinished

Sienna got up and walked away before Jesthi could try to talk to her again. She’d go talk to R’kash, and then…then she’d see what she wanted to do next.

She took the ramps up to the roof. She didn’t hurry, and by the time she reached the door at the top, she felt as ready as she could be for the conversation that awaited her. She didn’t see him at first when she stepped out onto the roof. The path they’d taken the night before, the one that curved and spiraled its way towards the central column, glinted even brighter by the light of day. The small pavers looked white from a distance, even if she could pick out the individual grains of color in the stone when she bent down closer.

She started following the path as she scanned the garden searching for his familiar form. She’d made it halfway past the first wide circle when she found him. He was kneeling, his robes spread out behind him, their deep crimson startling against the white stone. He was bent over, his back curved and head bowed. There were no flames stretching up around the column, no fire leaping from the grates below.

She didn’t say anything yet. She just kept walking, but she tried to take quieter steps. She wanted to use these last few minutes to prepare herself before she reached the center of the maze. When she reached the other side of the roof again, he disappeared from view and she released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. This was going to be even harder than she’d thought. Just seeing his bowed head had her tensing up and her mind running a mile a minute.

Sienna had almost made it to the end of the path when he looked back. “Sienna?” He sounded breathless as he tripped on his robes and reached out to the column to catch himself. “You’re here.” He just stared, hoping shining bright in his eyes, and she hated to be the one to put it out, but she needed to hear what he had to say first. She couldn’t just pretend everything was fine and go on with things.

“Yes. I needed to talk to you.” He started moving towards her, and she shook her head. “No—please don’t come any closer. I need to talk, and I don’t want you to distract me.”

R’kash drew his feet together and straightened, settling his robes around him. He looked like he was waiting for a stranger to bring him an offering. Sienna pressed her lips together hard and closed her eyes. Then she lifted her head and made herself face him.

“Why? Why did they do it, and why didn’t you tell me before I came here and made a fool of myself?” she asked.

He drew in a breath. “They knew me better than I knew myself. I would’ve never dared to ask for a mate on my own. I never dreamed I could have a future like this—like what we had.” He clasped his hands in front of him, spread them apart again, and locked them behind his back. “They told me two days before your arrival when they knew that you’d already be journeying to Xithilene. They knew I would’ve tried to stop you if I’d found out sooner.” He hissed lightly. “I’d planned to tell you the truth as soon as I met you. I was never supposed to bring you back to Evathi.”

“Then why did you?” Could he hear the strain in her voice? Did he know how hard it was for her to stand there and pretend to be calm?

“As soon as they told me, I demanded to read the correspondence. By the time I reached Verkissat, I’d read all of our messages twice through. I didn’t recognize the man they described. I didn’t think I could be him, that I was worthy enough, but then you stepped out of that ship, and…” His feathers lifted. “I just couldn’t tell you to leave. I told myself you might not like the temple, that it wouldn’t hurt for you to see Evathi since you’d already traveled so far. I told myself many things.”

“You must think I’m very stupid, don’t you? I crossed the galaxy for a man who didn’t even know I existed.”

His hands broke apart and he moved forward, arms out as if to reach for her before she stepped back.

“No. No, Sienna. You’ve never been the problem. It’s just me. I was sure you would change your mind. I kept waiting for you to decide you were done with me, and I told myself that if I could have a little taste of what it was like to be with you that it was worth it.” His feathers lifted and fluttered. “I’ve never thought you were foolish. To me, you’ve always seemed brave. I didn’t need the six moon cycles to learn to love you. Two days—two days reading your messages tempted me. The moment I held you, I knew that I could never be the one to send you back. Yes, I was selfish. Yes, I took when I should’ve asked, but I’d never wanted anyone or anything the way I’ve wanted you, Sienna. My heart has never lied.”

A sudden breeze whipped his robes back, and they snapped and swirled behind him. He looked ten times more striking than he had when she’d first seen his image among the Mate Portal results. It would be so easy to reach for him, to let him hold her and tell her everything would be better now, but she just couldn’t.

Sienna stepped back, and R’kash’s brow wrinkled. She shook her head and took another step. “I need to go,” she said, and then she was running again, hoping that he’d let her leave a second time. Her shoes smacked against the pale bricks, but no other footfalls followed her. When she reached the end of the path, she looked back. He was still standing there, lost and forlorn, and it hurt not to call to him and say she’d changed her mind, but she made herself turn away. She just needed a little more time.

* * *

She saton one of the benches across from the dais with the holy pool. The ever shifting water was mesmerizing as it swirled slowly around the fountain. She pulled her legs up onto the bench and bent over so she could wrap her arms around her knees. Part of her wanted to stay angry, but the other half was busy putting the pieces together that she’d missed. Now that she knew what’d really happened, his stilted conversation and awkward behavior early-on during that first day made a lot more sense. That still didn’t mean she was ready to forgive him.

She tilted her head to the side and rested her cheek against her arms. Thej’kaviwere swaying slightly in the water, their massive flowers nodding along with the rhythm. Whenever she looked at them, she couldn’t help but see them opening up like oversized maws. Right then, she imagined that they were sucking down all her hopes and dreams, eager to shred them up and spit them out until they sank to the bottom of that dark pool. If she tossed the beacon at one of the blossoms, would it open up to catch it? She seriously considered trying it, but Sienna slid her hand out of her pocket and left the beacon alone.

“There you are.” She knew it was Jesthi without have to look. She wasn’t sure whether she was angry or sad that she’d gotten so used to the other priests that she could identify every voice.

“Go away, Jesthi. I’m trying to think.”

“No.”

She straightened up, swinging her feet off the bench so they hit the brick path below. “What do you mean no?”

“Did R’kash tell you why I set up that Mate Portal profile for him?” Jesthi walked around until he stood in front of her, looking down.

“Not really, just that he hadn’t known you’d done it until it was too late,” she said.

“The R’kash you’ve seen since you arrived at Evathi isn’t the same man I’ve stood beside for years. Since he brought you back from Verkissat, I’ve seen him truly happy for the first time. He has always put the temple first, and then when Veesha arrived, he split himself between the both. There was never anything left over. His entire life has been selfless. I gave him the chance to have something he’d longed for but never had the courage to say. It’s my fault you’re here now.” He moved closer, letting the edge of his sandal butt right up against her shoes. “If you want to be angry, be angry at me. Don’t punish R’kash or yourself by acting as if what you have together is meaningless. Punish me. Yell at me, strike me, do what you have to do, but I need you to do one more thing for me before you decide whether or not to leave.”

Jesthi pulled out a small tablet from within his robes.

“What’s that for?” she asked.

He sat down at her side and tapped his nails against the edge of the device. “I have something I need to show you.” The screen flared to life as he swiped his finger over it. “Perhaps you’re aware already that R’kash keeps a daily log of events at the temple.”

Sienna made an impatient sound and waited for him to finish. He slid the device onto her lap.

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