Page 20 of Stealing Samantha

“What? Why?” She’d thought she’d felt panic the night before. She’d been wrong, because it seized her body now, making her heart beat too fast and her vision go cloudy.

“You desire him?” She made herself focus on Lithi’s face, on her elfin, bird-like features. She still felt as if she were floating, disconnected from her too tight body. Lithi tilted her head again and frowned as if she’d tasted something bitter. “Give him my message and then leave him in peace. He longs for the forest. He will never leave Xithilene permanently—not even for you, and if you care for him at all, you wouldn’t ask it of him. I saw the way you rejected his mating clasp. We all did.”

“Mating clasp?” She shouldn’t have spoken. Lithi’s red eyes went even sharper. Uvaess had done it so many times, but she’d never known that was what it was called. Every time she’d pulled back when he reached for her once she’d told him it was over, he’d trapped her beneath his feathers, and he’d told her it would change, that it must.

“Yes. You claimed to have spent time among our people. Surely you knew.”

“It wasn’t like that—for me, on Xithilene. I didn’t know. Not really.”

Lithi was still frowning when she snapped her short feathers up and back. “Do as I told you. Stay away from him. Work with Vasith—he has requested to dance to your strange music.” She turned away when she finished speaking, acting as if Sam were no longer there at all. The urge to glance at Jaess was like an itch between her shoulder blades, but the other woman had made herself clear, and Sam didn’t delude herself into thinking Lithi wouldn’t be watching.

She made herself look out the window, but the scenery faded away to nothing. She didn’t want to remember, but the old feelings came rushing back. Uvaess hadn’t gotten desperate until after he’d spirited her away to his village. Even after she’d tried to make love to him, and everything had felt wrong, he hadn’t held her like that until later. That smothered, buried feeling was one she’d grown to hate. He’d cover her with his wings, shroud her in their inky darkness, and she’d want to scream until her lungs gave out. Sometimes she had, but it’d only made him hold her tighter. He’d been so convinced that if he just waited long enough, everything would change.

At first, she’d wanted the same thing, so badly she was willing to fake it. It was only now that she felt like a fraud, like her emotions were as shallow and changeable as everyone had always said. Her family loved her, but she knew what they thought of her—flighty, impulsive, that she was always looking for the next best thing. She’d wanted to love Uvaess. She’d spent six months convincing herself that she could—that she did. Was it her fault that the feel of his fingertips on her arm had made her recoil? That his lips had tasted bitter, that the touch of his feathers had caused her shoulders to turn inwards, as if she might have been able to escape it all if it’d just been possible to make herself small enough?

When she looked out again through the wide viewing area of the transport, the buildings were gone. She saw swaths of white and stands of tall, narrow trees, boughs heavy with snow. It was beautiful in a way that reminded her of home, but that didn’t make it comfortable. Maybe she’d always been broken. She’d known Jaess for only a couple of weeks, yet she felt more for him than she ever had for Uvaess. What kind of person did that make her? That she liked the deep, alien timbre of his voice, the slide of his scales against her hands, when she hadn’t been able to accept the same from the man who should’ve been hers?

They were still several hours away from dusk, but the light had that faded, thin quality that made her think of dying days and destinations just out of reach. Sam swallowed hard and made herself watch the trees as they continued on. This was what she’d wanted after all; the chance to travel and explore, to share her music with the world. She should be grateful. She’d rejected her mate and gotten everything she’d dreamed of delivered up to her on a silver platter. She was free, so far from that lonely village that the distance was incomprehensible to her frail, human mind. She had no excuse not to be happy. Jaess had wanted to come to Earth. He was looking for something, although he’d never told her exactly what, but she couldn’t be the one to take away his chance at it.

She fixed a hard, small smile on her face and told herself she was going to enjoy herself. She’d take it all in, fill up the empty parts of her with views of trees, mountains, and sky and hope that it’d be enough, because she was lucky to be here. She didn’t deserve any of it at all.

The transport moved more slowly than usual. Human hover-tech wasn’t anywhere near as advanced as what they’d used in Verkissat. They’d been delayed by drifting snow until the transport operator engaged the lift option, but even then, they couldn’t go as quickly as the vehicle would’ve moved on the ground. Maybe another half hour passed before she saw the faint lights of a touristy looking town ahead. The bold face of a mountain filled most of the window, the view cut off by the roof of the transport. There was something claustrophobic about it, as if that wall of rock might just tip and crush them like so many tiny ants. All around her was beautiful perfection, but it was simultaneously remote and unreal.

The transport veered off onto a side street. It looked like they’d ended up behind one of the many hotels. “Stay in the transport. I will meet with one of our human contacts inside. Wait until I return,” ordered Lithi. She stood up and wrapped herself in a long, altered coat, pulled on gloves and two scarves—one wrapped around her neck and the other covered her head.

Five minutes later she came back followed by several humans. Lithi motioned for them to get out of the transport. Some of the humans were removing their luggage from the outer storage compartments, while the others helped Lithi shepherd them inside. It was strange how they were shuffled about in all of the hotels where they’d stayed. She’d never been important enough to be kept secret, and it seemed like useless precaution anyway. As soon as anyone saw the first Lisseethi wing, there’d be no keeping their presence here under wraps.

They’d been assigned to a block of rooms along the ground floor hallway. She followed the bellhop pulling the hovercart with her suitcase to a room at the end of the corridor. She bent her head in greeting towards X’tha. It looked like they’d be sharing again.

“Welcome to Banff. We have tour guides available for you waiting in the main lobby. Once you’ve settled in, please assemble there if you’re interested in exploring,” announced a middle-aged woman standing near the area where they’d entered. Sam assumed she was Lithi’s human liaison at the hotel. She looked friendly, like she was probably somebody’s mom and she might make good cookies, but from the way the woman was wringing her hands, Sam thought she was feeling a little unnerved by her new guests.

“Thanks. That sounds great,” she said, giving the lady a broad smile when no one else said anything. A few of the Xithilene made noises of assent, soft rattling in their throats and easy hisses, but Sam could tell their vocalizations had the opposite effect on the hotel worker. The nice looking woman smiled tightly and hightailed it out of the hall. Sam smothered a laugh, but then she realized it might not have been too long ago that those same noises would have set her on edge, too.

“I don’t know why we couldn’t just leave for our next destination,” grumbled X’tha as she pulled open their door.

Sam stepped inside after her and yanked on her suitcase’s hovertab, drawing it back and moving her hand as if she were throwing a frisbee. It landed right on the foot of her bed, and Sam grinned. “Oh, come on, X’tha. They’re trying to be good hosts. You’re one of the few Xithilene lucky enough to come see my planet. You should try to enjoy it.”

X’tha snapped her wings and raised her arm, performing some sort of complicated gesture with her long fingers. Sam was pretty sure it wasn’t complimentary, but she ignored it and opened her suitcase and pulled out a few extra layers. “I wish I had some real boots with me,” she said as she looked down at her feet. She’d have to double up on her socks and hope for the best. The boots that’d been fine for city streets weren’t meant for mountain wilderness, but then again, the Xithilene who chose to go on the tours wouldn’t have hiking gear on hand either.

As soon as she’d redressed, she grabbed her hat and gloves and waved goodbye to X’tha before she left the room. She walked back down the hall and turned left, following the sound of voices into a cozy looking lodge-style lobby. Big picture windows looked out onto the street. She rubbed her hands together and walked over towards a large fireplace. She smiled at the groups of Xithilene who’d gathered around three humans holding viewscreens.

It looked like they were still waiting for stragglers. Sam pulled on her gloves and hat and retightened her scarf. She turned so that her back faced the warmth of the fire, and that’s when she saw Jaess. This time he wasn’t able to look down fast enough to avoid meeting her eyes. She gave him a tentative smile, and a small portion of the ball of worry that’d lodged itself in her stomach that morning disintegrated under his matching grin. Jaess walked over to her side, hands in his pockets, looking entirely too good in some sort of pinned together cardigan, his altered smart-tech coat draped over his shoulders.

“Hey, I missed you earlier,” she said quietly.

“You did?” He was giving her a sidelong look that teetered between teasing and hesitant.

“I did,” she confirmed. “Go on the same excursion with me—please.”

His hand stretched towards her just enough so that their gloved fingers could brush. “Of course,” he told her.

One of the human guides cleared his throat, and they angled their bodies his way to listen to the descriptions of the outings.

“What do you think?” she asked when the man had finished talking. “I think I’d like to skip the skating, but I wouldn’t mind walking on the lake he mentioned.”

Jaess shivered, his big wing feathers rippling. “Sounds dangerous.”

“If they thought we’d fall through, they wouldn’t take us. Too much liability,” she replied with another grin. “Let’s go.” She looked for Lithi’s red feathers before she took his hand, but Sam didn’t see the director anywhere.

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