Page 19 of Doctor Silver Fox Next Door

I can't afford a baby. I don't have time for a baby. My career will be destroyed and if I can't work how will I afford rent, how will I afford my student loans and a baby? Babies are so expensive. How will I afford its food, daycare, and medical needs? I can't go through with this. I can't -

I stop pacing and take a deep breath. Looking at my watch I see that it is quite late already. Lennox will probably be sleeping. Should I wake him up?

I realize that no matter how this plays out I need to have a very difficult conversation with him. Is now the right time though? No time seems like a good time when I need to talk to him. He is so bad at just listening and he jumps to all sorts of conclusions.

We have been fighting so much lately and he is still so angry with me. He accused me of some horrible things, and I have a feeling that he would think I got pregnant on purpose. If I go over there now, I think things will just get really ugly again. Maybe I should try and talk to him at work. It seems safer, and he can't go crazy if we are not entirely alone. He will have to keep his self-control in check with other people around.

Thinking about what happened in the locker room, my body stirs, remembering how incredibly passionate it had been.

I will need to tell him quietly, but where other people can see us. It is the only way I can think to do this because I honestly can't deal with his anger anymore. I am feeling overwhelmed enough as it is.

I climb into bed feeling heavy with the choices I need to make and the conversation I need to have tomorrow. I struggle to fall asleep. I need to tell him as soon as possible and get this over with.

I am so tired today that for the first time ever I slipped up during surgery. I hand Lennox the wrong instrument and he glares at me in astonishment. I quickly give him the correct one, feeling like a complete fool. Being so close to him and knowing that I have this massive secret is difficult and I am distracted, and I need to focus better. This is unacceptable to me. I really can't delay telling him any longer. After surgery, I went to his office to look for him, but he was not there. His receptionist tells me he has gone out for lunch. I head to the break room needing coffee; I will just have to wait for him to get back.

I am sitting alone at a table near the back of the room, listening to the hum of conversations from the other nurses. I am too tired and too stressed to join them, anyway. Since all of the rumors started; I have been struggling to feel comfortable around them. I know they talk behind my back, and I know they are starting to believe that I only got this job because I was sleeping with Lennox. I sigh.

Dr. Blake comes striding into the break room. "Emma." He says loudly and everyone turns to look at him. I sit up dead straight in my seat, feeling my cheeks flush red with embarrassment.

"What the hell happened in surgery today?" He says, just as loudly.

He marches over to my table, standing over me. I stand up. Whispering and very aware that all eyes are on us. "It was a small mistake, Dr. Blake."

I glance behind him at the nurses who are staring. He turns around to see what I am looking at and they all quickly turn away and advert their eyes back to their lunch, making very sure to mind their own business. He moves so that his body is blocking their view of me and keeps questioning me. He looks furious.

"There is no such thing as a small mistake in my surgery." He growls at me under his breath.

This is not what I had in mind when I wanted to tell him at work, but I can't keep it in any longer. "I'm pregnant," I whisper.

"I don't care - what? You are what?" He is staring at me in disbelief. He moves his body even more to ensure no one can see me. Perhaps he is scared they are lip-reading or something.

I sigh. "I am pregnant, Lennox," I whisper again.

I can see the anger grow in his expression. "Did you - did you do this on purpose?" His words hurt me and offended me. Why does he always have to assume the worst possible thing about me? Does he really think that low of me?

"What?" I say, flabbergasted. "I don't want to be pregnant you idiot." I hiss at him under my breath, anger infecting me now. The stress of everything that has been going on is not helping me stay calm.

"And you thought you would just tell me here - at work?" He growls in my face.

"I didn't want to; I wanted to knock on your door last night when I found out, but I was scared. Ok. I am scared."

"How could this have happened?"

I sigh. "I am pretty sure you know exactly how it happened."

He stares at me intensely and I want to hide away from his piercing blue eyes. I feel small and hurt. "I don't trust you." He says. Quite simply. Quite plainly. Then he turns and walks away from me.

I move seats, sitting on the other side of the table so that my back is facing the break room. Tears run down my face. I can't stop them, but I do not want anyone to see.

"Em?" Natasha's voice comes from behind me. She puts her hand gently on my shoulder. "Em, he isn't being fair. That was hardly even a mistake you made in surgery today. He is really overreacting so badly."

I nod, smiling sadly. At least they did not hear what we were really talking about. She squeezes my shoulder gently, seeing that I just need a moment alone, and then walks away from me.

I pull myself together. I need to stop this over-emotional reaction; I need to be professional. Every move I make lately is damaging my career and I am angry with myself for it. I head to the bathroom; I want to wash my face.

Splashing cool water on my face I start feeling a little better. At least he knows now. At least I do not have to feel this burden alone, even if he thinks worse of me for knowing. I don't want to do this alone or make these choices alone. It is not fair, because I did not make this baby alone.

As I step out of the bathroom into the corridor Lennox grips my arm, leading me towards his office. I jump with fright because he seems to have come out of nowhere. "We are taking a blood test." He says abruptly. I pull my arm away from him. "You just have to ask nicely for crying out loud. You do not always have to bully your way through everything, Lennox." He looks surprised but realizes that he is gripping my arm too tightly.

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