Page 78 of Savage Beauty

Six months later…

Josie

All we’re doing is strolling through my old neighborhood. But I’m so nervous.

Something is wrong—Sasha has spent the whole morning playing it off like we’re just going to lunch, but that’s not it. He won’t be drawn and swears up and down he’s fine, but he’s never been able to hide from me, and today is no exception.

Sasha stops me on the sidewalk and draws a deep breath. “Please forgive me for what’s about to happen. I don’t know if you’ll be happy or freak out, but I’m betting on both.”

I look at the building beside us and see where we are.Astor Trattoria. The place where Mom and I shared our gnocchi.

My eyes fill with tears. I never told Sasha the name of the place. How did heknow?

Inside, the restaurant seems empty, but I scan the space again and notice someone sitting at a table near the window. I can’t see her well, but she looks our way, and my stomach drops.

“Sasha,” I whisper. “What’s happening?”

Sasha grips my hand tightly. “Remember when I told you I’d find the drug-pushing asshole who got your mom dealing? Well, I looked into it, found him, and had him taken care of. But I didn’t just find him. I foundher.”

I’m no longer listening. Time and space have ground to a halt, and I’m thirteen again, trying desperately to wake up my Mom.

The woman stands, and I know for sure. She’s not a ghost, a hallucination, or a doppelganger. This middle-aged ladyisMom. She reaches her arms to me, and I collapse into her, sobbing.

How can she be here? Her embrace is like a balm to my grieve-stricken soul, a reprieve I never thought possible. I cannot stop myself from burying my face in her shoulder, breathing her in as though she might vanish into mist, leaving me alone again.

“Mom,” I whisper. “Mommy. Where were you? I needed you so much.”

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.” Mom is crying, too. “I was in a coma for two weeks after I overdosed. When I woke up, a social worker told me you didn’t want to see me again, and a care order had been granted to a foster family. I was arrested on drug dealing charges and jailed again.”

When Sasha speaks, it gives me a start. I’d forgotten he was there at all.

“Arman dug it all up,zolotse. The social worker was sourcing kids for sickos like the Ellis’s in return for substantial kickbacks. It was her who told you your mom was dead, right?”

The memory hits me hard.He’s right. That woman, her face impassive, cooly informed me my mom had coded during the night.

“Holy shit,” I say, nodding. Mom and I sit opposite each other, and Sasha sits beside me. “So, how long was your second stretch?”

Mom bows her head. “I didn’t fight for myself. The CPS said they would not entertain any contact until I was out in any case, but as you didn’t want to see me, they refused to help. I became very depressed, and the courts made mincemeat out of me. No appeals, no deals, and no hot meals.” She smiles. “But I got clean. Kept my head down, earned an early years teaching qualification, and got through it. When I was released, I used the little money I had to bribe a CPS records clerk to tell me where you were.”

My heart aches for her. I was so alone, so afraid, and needed her so much. Yet she’d been lied to, made to believe I didn’t want her in my life, and was better off with a new family.

“I came by the Ellis’s house on your sixteenth birthday,” Mom continues, her eyes spilling over again, “but they said you’d moved on and didn’t know where you were. The police didn’t make much effort, but I never stopped hoping. I couldn’t get a job as a teacher because of my felony record, so I went back to cleaning, and I live in a shared house not far from here.”

She puts her hand over mine. “ I wanted to stay near the places we loved, Josie. Walk the streets we walked and justfeelyou. My life was nothing without you in it, but no matter how much I was hurting, I never touched the drugs again.”

I glance at Sasha. He gives a slight shake of his head, and I understand—he hasn’t enlightened my mother to the full horror of what I went through. It’s my story, and we’ll get to it one day, but now is not the time.

“I never thought for a moment you might be alive,” I say. “Why would I? I got into trouble, Mom. Fell in with bad people.”

Mom gestures at Sasha. “I know! Imagine what I thought when this big bratva man came to my door? But he showed me your photo and told me you were his wife. I couldn’t believe it. Thought he was scamming me somehow.”

Sasha laughs. “She gave me a hard time. I see where you get your fiery streak from.”

“Sasha and I have a few things in common.” Mom smiles at my husband. “Once he started talking about you, I knew he was for real. He loves you so much. I was happy to know you were alright but afraid you might not want me in your life.”

It doesn’t feel real. My mom, alive and well, sitting before me. It’s as though not a single day has passed since I last saw her. We were here just hours before everything went to hell, and now we’re back.

“Of course I want you.” I pat my modest bump. “My baby needs a grandma. And I need my mom.”

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