Page 56 of Savage Beauty

What else have I pushed too deep to find? Does it hurt so much to remember my mother’s love that I deny myself the memory?

“And what about Josie?” Vlad asks. “What about your wife?”

Good question. Igor said Josie had to stay with me, but what would he do if she left? As long as she stays with Vlad and the others, where he can monitor her, he probably won’t care. I’ll tell him she broke my heart. That’s what he wants—to see me suffer. It will be enough for him, and perhaps he’ll leave her alone as long as she takes my shattered soul with her.

“I don’t care,” I snap. “I just wanted to avoid marrying Claudia, and getting the chance to fuck Josie a few times was worth all the bullshit, but I’m bored now. Her mother was a junkie slut, so I doubt she’s gonna be happy when she finds out about my planned return to the wonderful world of drug dealing.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Morgana can probably use her friend around more than I can use some sulky, resentful whore-wife. Take her with you.”

God, help me.Please get Josie safely away from me. Make her hate me if you have to, but don’t let my love get her killed.

38

Ten minutes earlier…

Josie

It’s still dark. Sasha’s side of the bed is cold; wherever he is, he’s been gone a while. Distant voices rumble within the belly of the house, and I assume my husband is talking to Vlad, dealing with business. These bratva men never seem to be able to sleep easily.

Nausea swarms through me, and I briskly go to the bathroom, dropping to my knees in front of the toilet. It’s the second time it’s happened this week.

A notion occurs to me, and I can’t shake it once it’s in my head. I’m on the pill, but I still bleed. My expected period start date has come and gone, but I put it down to stress and never gave it another thought. Marc always used condoms and pulled out; he never trusted me to take my tablets and would accuse me of trying to trap him with a baby. The prenup even said he would not support me if I got pregnant within the first year of our marriage.

Sasha never hesitates to come inside me. I get the feeling he’d be delighted if I were having his baby; he’d have a hold over me more potent than any marriage license.

My wash bag contains a single test strip. It’s been there for months, nestled amongst my skincare stuff, ever since I had a scare when Marc and I were first dating. I take it out and place it on the edge of the basin, staring like it’s an unexploded bomb.

Do I want a baby? The thought is terrifying and exciting all at once. As I imagine it, my heart yearns for a little cherub with our combined features toddling around in the house. We could be like Vlad and Morgana. Dedicated to one another and making our own family to ease the pain of what we’ve lost. But something is not okay between Sasha and me, and familiar insecurities eat away at me, contributing to the sickness in my stomach.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath before snatching up the strip. One quick pee later, I sit on the floor, jiggling my foot and waiting for what feels like an eternity for the result to appear.

I’m just paranoid.It’ll be something I ate. It’s too soon, anyway. Better to be sure…

The bathroom floor feels cool against my palm as I sit there, the small plastic stick beside me, and I refuse to look at it for a full two minutes. Finally, I draw a deep breath and pick it up again.

Inevitably, two lines show up as clear as day. There’s no doubt about it.

I’m pregnant with Sasha’s baby.

I barely have a chance to react before I’m suddenly and violently sick. My throat burns as I gargle water and use mouthwash.

A kaleidoscope of emotions rushes through me - fear, confusion, and a faint glimmer of hope. Sasha may be troubled, but it doesn’t mean it’s about me. He loves me, and he’s worked so hard to convince me of it. Is this fate’s way of proving it? Our baby. Made by love, for us to cherish and raise in a happy, complete family. Not one torn asunder by abuse, pain, and death.

Sasha and I are married, for real. Tosca is no longer a threat. It’s our time now, and I’m not wasting another moment; my husband’s reaction will tell me everything I need to know about his feelings for me.

I leave the test strip by the basin, pull on some clothes, and go looking for Sasha.

* * *

I follow the sound of voices until I reach Vlad’s study, but as I draw near, fear chills my skin. I’ve never heard either man sound like this before, and certainly never when they’re speaking to each other. The atmosphere is heavy, like a thunderstorm, and I’m not even in the same room.

“And what about Josie?” Vlad’s tone is flat, pained. “What about your wife?”

Sasha doesn’t sound like himself. It’s him, but his voice is twisted into something cruel and mocking. My blood chills as his words wash over me.

“I don’t care. I just wanted to avoid marrying Claudia, and getting the chance to fuck Josie a few times was worth all the bullshit, but I’m bored now. Her mother was a junkie slut, so I doubt she’s gonna be happy when she finds out about my planned return to the wonderful world of drug dealing.”

Return to drug dealing?

My head swims, and I bump into the wall, sliding onto the hallway carpet. Sasha is still speaking, and although he sounds like he’s miles away, I can make out the insults.

---