Page 59 of Vicious Hearts

He’s shouting now. His handsome face is twisted into an ugly sneer, the cruel words seeming unnatural, as though someone else is saying them.

“You may as well accept it,” he continues, “just as we all must come to terms with who we are. Shit happens, and it fucking changes you, so what? I don’t appreciate you coming at me like I’m some kind of predator. I tried to do the right thing, but you wouldn’t let it be. You took everything I had to give. Don’t pretend like you didn’t love every second of it.”

“Howdareyou mention my father!” I scream. “You’re taking my trauma—the biggest pain I’ve ever known—and fuckingweaponizingit? That’s low.”

He throws his hands in the air. “Iamlow. Empathy, compassion. I can take it or leave it.”

His phone beeps, and he looks at the screen. “Giulia has sent me Lois’s address. I’ll forward it to you.”

He walks past me to the door, picking up his jacket. I choke back a sob, and he wheels around in the doorway.

“Roxy, if you think I don’t love you, then maybe you’re right. You’ve known love. I haven’t. All I know is the thought of breaking your heart makes me sick.”

I didn’t imagine he loved me until this moment. He never used that word before. I stare at him but can’t think of anything to say. I feel suddenly foolish and so, so young.

Ben sees my broken expression and can’t look at me. He taps the toe of his shoe compulsively, making no attempt to stop it.

“If the person I am makes you angry, you should let it take hold. Work on hating me,charodeyka. You’ll be glad one day.”

“Why won’t you try to be the man I believe you can be?” I say, my voice wavering.

Ben takes a step toward me, then stops. His shoulders sag as he turns away.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t know how.”

Then he’s gone.

21

Roxy

Forty-five minutes of following the GPS took me to an affluent part of New Jersey. Lois Farraday's new life didn't take her far.

I need to focus on what's happening, but I can only think of Ben.

Hearing him talk so callously about me was bad enough. But then he turned on me when I asked about Giulia. As I was starting to feel real intimacy growing between us, he poured salt into my most painful psychological wounds. And why? Because I called him out for his mindfuckery?

Ben isnotan irredeemable mess. He's sold himself that narrative as armor, a way to justify keeping others at arm's length.

If he doesn't let his guard down and let me in, he can't hurt me. I get it. But I can't hurthim, either.

Love demands vulnerability between two people—it goesbothways.

My soft heart again, looking for excuses to forgive him. I fucking heard him on the phone. The sooner I accept his words at face value, the quicker I'll move on.

He can't claim my heart only to kick it around. I won't let him.

I pull up outside the house.Time to get my head on straight.

* * *

Like every other in this gated community, Lois's place is smart and well-kept. It's painted in ice-cream colors, her vanilla walls complementing the wafer-pink roof. Out front, there's a small garden and a carport with just enough room for me to squeeze my car behind hers.

I ring the doorbell and immediately regret it when I hear the cry. Baby Jamie must be coming up for two now.

Lois opens the door. It takes her three full seconds to recognize me, and as the realization dawns, her mouth drops open.

"Jesus, Roxy, get inside," she hisses, hustling me through the door. "What the hell are you doing here?"

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